Official Fanfiction University of IAHF
by FH14
Summary: Based off of Lily Winterwood's IAHF fic series. Fanbrat Katey Bartholomew-Strider is ecstatic when she is chosen to attend the OFU of IAHF. But what she doesn't know is that their timeline is doomed, and her favorite characters are just counting down...
1. We're All Doomed

**Title:** Official Fanfiction University of IAHF  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Characters from Lily Winterwood's "The International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction" and "Bled Stained Days at IAHF" as well as cameos from Hetalia characters.  
><strong>Genre:<strong> Parody, Humor  
><strong>RatingsWarnings:** M for unfiltered crack, badly written smut, and mind-melting Homestuck logic  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Fanbrat Katey Bartholomew-Strider is ecstatic when she is chosen to attend the OFU of IAHF. But what she doesn't know is that their timeline is doomed, and her favorite characters are just counting down the minutes until they'll cease to exist.

**Disclaimer:** Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya, Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie, and the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction belongs to the Ultra-talented Lily Winterwood, as does some of these characters. Megan belongs to LolliDictator, Ema Skye belongs to Megidosexual, and the rest of the students belong to their respective owners. The concept of the Official Fanfiction University belongs to Miss Cam. The PPC belongs to Jay, Acacia, and the Boarders. This fic takes place in a timeline where the laws governing these institutions begin to crumble and shouldn't be taken as part of their shared universe.

**Notes:** This is a parody OFU based off of **Lily Winterwood**'s "The International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction" and "Bled Stained Days at IAHF". Go read those first otherwise you'll have a hard time understanding this. This isn't a Hetalia/Homestuck crossover, more its a AU fic related to Hetalia with mentions of Homestuck. And Katey's fic is the actual fic the students read in the Writing Seminar chapter of "Bled Stained Days at IAHF".

* * *

><p><strong>The Official Fanfiction University of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction<strong>

**Part I**

"I can't believe this is happening. As if our own universe wasn't enough of a mindfuck."

"Calm down Hughie. I think it's kinda cool actually."

"Cool, Allen?" The British Diplomat with the sour disposition snapped, "We run a fanfiction university! I don't envy what Arthur and the others have to put up with in the slightest. Hell, I already have Tenterden all over me. Why would I want to get subjected to an entire fandom?"

"Hugh's right," the bespectacled Asian girl next to him pointed out, "This fandom seems a lot more dangerous than Hetalia's. The IAHF Fandom has the power to influence our very existence."

"Do you think they're the ones who sent Sparkles McDesu?" A nerdy looking boy asked, "She seemed a bit too extreme to be real."

"Don't go asking whose real and who isn't, Peter," the Asian girl sighed, "That moody bitch upstairs that's some weird alternate version of me probably created all of us from scratch and I'd rather not lose my mind over this. I have enough problems to deal with…"

"Oh yeah, they absolutely love your love life, Jennifer," a girl in a Canadian military uniform nearby let out a cackle.

"It's not funny Sara. Somehow one of their… monstrosities wormed their way into our canon."

"Or the alpha timeline anyway," the girl next to Sara mused, "It's pretty clear that we've veered off into some sort of beta timeline by simple virtue that we've come to know our author. Using Homestuck logic, this version of ourselves is likely doomed."

"More good news," Hugh groaned.

"We can all try going to sleep like Rose did and hope our consciousnesses will be merged or some shit," The boy next to them mumbled as he lit a cigarette. Sara and the other girl eyed him warily, "Okay I didn't read Homestuck in _that _much depth. Sue me."

"If we're going to die anyway, we might as well do something useful," A girl with a sudden air of importance spoke up, "I declare that we create an Official Fanfiction University for our fledgling fandom."

"That is such a stupid idea. Why would I want to deal with more fanbrats?" Hugh shouted.

"You don't have to be the Course Coordinator, you know," A girl wearing a bomber jacket spoke up, "One of use can be. If this timeline is doomed like Loki says you might as well enjoy the time you have left and relax."

"Merka, that is a splendid idea!" A ginger boy popped up from underneath Hugh's desk, causing everyone to jump, "Come on Hughie! We can Honeymoon at Foscarini's estate!"

"How callous can you be Charlie? He's dead!" Hugh shouted, both shaken by the boy's sudden appearance and the gross insensitivity of the suggestion.

"If this universe follows the same principles of other Fanfiction University planes of existence, it would mean that all areas and characters would be accessible," Loki answered, "And seeing as _she _has arrived I would expect that to be true."

"Wait… Do you mean?" Hugh sat up, face paling.

"Hughie! Hughie! We've come to marry you!"

The doors flung open and a wave of Mary Sues led by the Sue version of Takara streamed into the Orientation Hall.

"No~!" Hugh shouted, running away as Charlie and the Sues chased him outside towards Lake Eric.

"Now that we've got that out of the way," The girl with the aura of importance spoke up, "I nominate myself as the new Course Coordinator. For obvious reasons."

"Knock yourself out Ema," Jennifer waved, as she followed the others in exiting the hall, "God knows no one else wants the job."

"How dare you take the lords name in vai-"

"Shut up Lucas."

* * *

><p>"Yes…yes…YES!" The girl shouted, as she slammed the last period onto the page. She leaned back in her chair and stared at the screen in smug satisfaction.<p>

Her favorite fanfiction ever, the _International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction_, was taking writing submissions for a writing seminar. As soon as she saw the message she knew she had to polish off that amazingly ~*kawaii~ fanfic she had been working on for ages.

Now all that hard work had paid off.

She smiled and read the story back to herself…

_The day of Karen DuLay and Lucas Arch's wedding was full of splendor._

_"Oh That dress!" Jennifer moaned, throwing herself down on her bed, "I could never pull off something so revealing and assless like Lucas could, and he rocked that veil."_

_"You'd look better out of you're dress" her angel companion screamed, savagely ripping off her clothes._

_"But Michael your wings!" Jennifer sniffled._

_"Don't worry my dear-"_

_"I want them inside of me!" Jennifer howled, bearing her flesh to him, "I want the entire wing inside of me!"_

_"Thy Kingdom cum, thy will be done," Michael smirked, and went to town on her fish taco._

_"Oh this is so good," Jennifer moaned, "You better be getting all this bitch."_

_"You better believe it," Merka huffed in her strapless bikini, mentally fucking Jennifer with the camera. "Dose big lucius asses!" she salivated._

_"I'm almost there!"_

_"Oh Michael harder!"_

_"UMMF" Michael collapsed. Jennifer smiled and thanked Jesus that she could fuck an Angel and send the videotape to all her exboyfriends._

"I heard about that terrible thing that was read after Thanksgiving. So it was you who wrote it?"

The girl turned in shock to see a girl about her age with short blond hair, freckles, and an amazing amount of attitude in her voice.

"I swear you're even worse than Kira," She snorted.

"Ursula! Ursula Klevins? Is that really you?" The girl squealed, launching herself at the arrogant teen.

"Yes, but get off of me!" Ursula yelled, pushing her back into the chair, "I've been sent to deliver a message."

"Are you going to take me to I.A.H.F.? It's been my dream to go to school there. I stay up until 6AM every night in hopes that one of you would come to take me there!" The girl frowned, "I was hoping it could've been Charlie Tenterden though. Why didn't he come?"

"He and Hugh were tied up with something else," Ursula waved her hand in distaste.

"I knew they were into bondage." The girl salivated.

"Gross. Anyway, no you are not going to 'I.A.H.F.' – you are going somewhere much worse. The Official Fanfiction University of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction."

"What?"

"I didn't choose the name. Our _special_ Course Coordinator did," Ursula rolled her eyes, "Just take the damn letter and fill out the form okay?"

The girl grabbed the form and eagerly tore it open, grabbing her custom made YaoiCon fountain pen and began filling out the form in earnest.

_The Official Fanfiction University of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction_

_Dear Fanwriter,_

_We are absolutely beside ourselves with impending doom in announcing that you have been chosen to attend the Fanfiction University of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction. This is an offshoot of the international organization geared towards teaching you and your really stupid peers how to write passable fanfiction for the IAHF fandom. Passing this university is mandatory if you want your family to live._

_OFUIAHF offers several courses that we'll come up with as we go along for the next five weeks (assuming we survive that long), all taught by characters from IAHF. Most of the Hetalia characters present in IAHF have taken vacations to relax in their final days as they shouldn't have to be subjected to the likes of you after going through all you've seen depicted in IAHF and its ongoing sequel. Do not irritate staff, because they will be aided in their duties, academic or otherwise, by a troupe of Mary Sues hungry for human flesh of the fanfiction-fanwriter variety. If you do not heed this warning, don't say I didn't warn you. Please fill out the attached form and sign the waiver, and I hope I will not see your face at OFUIAHF tomorrow._

_From,_

_Her Highness Miss Skye,_

_Course Coordinator_

**YOU, AS A STUDENT**

**Name:** Katey Bartholomew-Strider

**Gender:** Female

**Species:** Human! I don't want to get weird growths! Im smart like that.

**Age:** 15

**Physical Description:** Asian girl with braces and dyed blonde hair.

**Do you have any fears/phobias/allergies/worst nightmares that we should be aware of?** I'm allergic to stupid bitches like Jennifer Chang who don't deserve kawaii boyfriends like I do~~~

**Have you been to an OFU before?** No But It's Always Been My DREAM

**Have you heard of the PPC before?** DUH

**List ONE luxury item to take with you:** My Dojin-making supplies.

**YOU, IN RELATION TO THE CANON**

**On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being 'dimwit who only reads for the shipping' and 10 being 'takes away all useful information from the lectures and applies them', how well acquainted are you with the IAHF canon?** I'm a 2 because I'm not a dimwit but the lessons are _boring_.

**Are you familiar with other series that have been mentioned in IAHF aside from Hetalia (Homestuck, Inception, Scandinavia and the World, etc.)? **Homestuck is super kawaii. I don't read the words because it's really boring I just look at the pictures. Dave is my waifu.

**If applicable, how much of the story that had been posted did you read before submitting a character to enter IAHF? **Only two chapters. But my character was so awesome that she totally dictated how the second story went. But then the author got jellious and killed her off for realz.

**YOU, IN RELATION TO YOUR WORK**

**Why do you write IAHF fanfiction or draw IAHF fanart? **Because the characters have so much shipping potential and they're all gay or bi so orgies are a must!

**Who is your favorite character and/or lust object? Why? **Charlie Tenterden is amazing. I'm working on some dojin starring him and his awesomeness. And Workbitch is the best I want him so fucking much.

**Who is your least favorite character? Why? **Jennifer Chang is so dumb she doesn't deserve all those hot guies especially WB he's MINE.

**Have you written het? What was the pairing, and why? **I wrote a Jennifer/Michael just now because I knew if Jennifer wasn't in it they'd never feature it in the story okay?

**Have you written slash? What was the pairing, and why? **I LOVE YAOI. My Favorite to write is Charlie/Hugh but I write a whole bunch :33

**Have you written a Mary Sue? **No mary sues are evil and try to steal Hughie when he belongs with Charlie.

**What types of fanfiction do you usually write? **Romance, Smut. I used to write angst but every1 said it was too deep so I stopped.

**Which pairings do you usually write? **HUGHCHARLIE. I also have this fic where I write these kawaii scenes for all my favorite yaoi. My most recent accomplishments are when Lila dies in a train accident and Peter hooks up with Andy oh and theres one where Dirk and Lucas do it on Megan's bed. :3333

**Least favorite pairings? Why? **Jennifer/Workbitch is so fucking gross man.

**Have you tried to write poetry? **They told me too stop cuz it was too deep.

**MISCELLANEOUS QUESTIONS**

**Merka or Kriss? **Kriss because she tapped dat hot British ass.

**Hugh or Allen? **OH GOD I LOVE THEM BOTH. But I have to go with Hughie.

**Who is the most talented? **Megan is because she gets all the boys to drink her nasty alien milkshake,

**Megan: pervert or misunderstood? **PERVERT

**Anglophiles or Nerd Group? **Nerd Group because the Anglos have Jennifer ew.

**Takara or Mary? **Mary because Takara is a gross Mary Sue who wants to steal Hughie from Charlie.

**Jennifer or Peter?** Peter because he's the best uke.

**PERMISSION FORM TO ATTEND IAHF**

_By signing below, I hereby waive my rights to sue OFUIAHF for any damages inflicted upon me during my tenure on their campus. I will now resign myself for a very long and grueling five weeks of terror, hatred, and fear as I Learn Through Pain how to write good, or decent, or semi-decent, or meh-ish, or at the very least comprehensible International Academy of Hetalia fanfiction. If the staff members or the Mary Sues kill, traumatize, maim, or otherwise injure me in any way, I will not sue them because by signing here I acknowledge that any sort of harm inflicted upon my person is only for my own good and I deserve it because of my own stupidity and irrationality. OFUIAHF takes no responsibility for injuries gained from class activities. I will not bring forth international laws or attempt to contact the United Nations or Amnesty International; being a foolish fanbrat, I probably have no idea what they are in the first place. I can complain to Her Highness Miss Skye, but she will just laugh at me and send me back for more._

_By signing this waiver, I put myself into the hands of the OFUIAHF staff, even though I am probably not reading this because I am a foolish fanbrat and I am only agreeing to this just to see my lust objects or attempt to canon-ize my favorite ships. I will now waive all personal rights granted to me under my Nation's constitution and under the United Nation's Universal Declaration of Human Rights. The staff of OFUIAHF are hereby given the right to do to me as they see fit, which includes but is not limited to mental and emotional abuse, torture, and death. This contract will be legally binding the moment I sign this, and I will not be allowed to leave OFUIAHF until I pass my courses or this timeline ceases to exist. I can attempt to drop out, but that will be a lengthy bureaucratic process involving mountains of red tape, and Ema Skye will probably just kill you with a sword or something. This contract will not break even in the event of my death, because the University will most likely be able to resurrect me._

_(Of course, all of this is probably going over your head, because it's just a big wall of text and we are not providing you with a tl;dr below. You're probably too busy anticipating being taught by your lust object, so you'll just automatically sign on the space provided, unaware of the fact that you just gave us your soul. Thank you for making this a very efficient and painless procedure. Oh and thanks Allen for letting me basically copypasta this form. We are short on time after all.)_

_From, Her Highness Miss Skye, Course Coordinator_

"Good," Ursula snatched the sheet, "You know the drill. Go to sleep and awful stuff will happen to you."

Katey sighed, leaned back in her chair, and waited for the wondrous dream to begin.

* * *

><p>"Oh no. I dropped it!"<p>

"Takara? Is everything okay?" Ema poked her head out of her new office, eying her ghost secretary, "I told you to get one of the G8 to help you with the errands. You're a ghost, and everyone knows ghosts have a hard time holding things."

"I want to be able to do it on my own," Takara sighed, her pale eyes surveying the spilled ink all over the floor, "But I've been meaning to ask. What is this color?"

"Bled's evil cousin – Gellow," Ema sighed, shielding her eyes, "Megan and Taylor thought it would be a good idea to mix fluorescent green and the brightest yellow they could find in order to create this monstrosity."

"Wouldn't it just make a solid color though?"

"Apparently they managed to replicate whatever Arthur and Kiku did to create Bled all those months ago," Ema explained, "Don't ask me how. All I know is that it's cleaned up with human blood – which is a lot easier to come by than that awful turnip mash."

"I guess you'll be using the students for that then?"

"Yes. They'll arrive tomorrow so we better hurry up with preparations. Charlie's probably just stalking Hugh so go make him help you."

"I'd rather not go near Hugh though…" Takara replied, looking down through her feet.

Ema sighed and shook her head, "Of course. I think Azure's in the library. Go ask her to help for now until we come up with something more permanent."

"Assuming we have the time," Takara added wistfully, "Does Loki know how much more time we have until..?"

"She thinks we should be able to get the five weeks in that we need for this program, but she can't be sure. After that… we'll just need to go to sleep and hope for the best."

Another figure hurried into the room, waving her hands urgently, "Ema-"

"I told you not to call me that now that I have my new title Sabrina."

Sabrina rolled her eyes and clicked one of her invisible hooves, "Okay fine, _Her Highness_ Miss Skye, Ursula and Kira and back from delivering their share of the messages and need a new assignment. Preferably one where they aren't working together."

"Okay, I'll come up with something," Ema sighed as Takara walked through the wall to go find Azure. _A Course Coordinator's work is never done_.

* * *

><p><em><strong><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong> _**_Thank you so much for reading this far!__ _This University is now accepting applicants. Just fill out the form present in this chapter - the more unhinged the character the better. Though do try and be careful so your character doesn't end up contradicting established canon present in Lily Winterwood's works._


	2. Subverting Expectations

__**Author's Note:**__ _Oh wow thank you for the response everyone! I'm afraid I'm going to have to close registration when Chapter 3 comes out because this fic isn't going to be all that long (my plan is 10-12 chapters right now.) So get your characters in soon if you wish to sumbit!_

_Next chapter will be more upbeat for Katey I promise!_

* * *

><p><strong>Part II<strong>

"I can't read these forms anymore," Lila sighed, dumping the form she was holding onto the table.

"Suck it up, it can't be that bad." Ursula filed away the form she was working on and continued to the next one. "The one I just read actually seems pretty normal even by the standards of our classmates. Even if she doesn't hate England…"

"Since when is hating Eng- Never mind. I don't care. The form I just read had me get run over by a train and in the aftermath Peter hooked up with my brother." Lila mimed a shotgun to the head and slumped over in her chair.

"Meh. This guy right here… Marissa Landcaster? Wow, his parents must've hated him. He thinks that I should be with Kira. That is so much worse."

"Can we just agree that these people are terrible and leave it at that?" Lila groaned.

"How's it going in here?"

Lila and Ursula looked up to see Miss Skye's ghostly secretary float into the room, somehow managing to carry a book. Though to Lila, it looked like the poor woman was using every ounce of her willpower to keep it from crashing down to the ground.

"Why the hell are we doing this anyway?" Ursula demanded, "I mean, we're all going to disappear anyway. Even if we somehow make these losers grasp some form of sanity, what good will it do if there is no future to fix?"

"Just because we'll be gone, doesn't mean that reality will cease to exist," Takara explained, setting the book down and looking visibly more relaxed, "There's a good chance that if we put them to sleep before we fade out that some of the more significant memories will transfer over to the ones who exist in the main timeline."

"And hopefully those significant memories will be the lessons they've learned," Lila added. "It would suck if we went through all this effort just to give them more bad ideas."

"Hey, if one of them gets inspired to write about me running over Kira with a train, I'm all for it," Ursula proclaimed, filing Marissa's form and moving on to the next one.

* * *

><p>Katey expected to wake up on the IAHF lawn, surrounded by her favorite characters who would teach her the secrets to writing smut about them.<p>

Instead, she woke up when a girl dressed like a fairy tale princess stomped on her hand.

"Ouch! What the hell?" Katey shouted. A few other girls lying down nearby were also nursing body parts and giving the princess the evil eye. The girl took no notice though, and continued to throw a fit.

"I put fairy princess on my form! I showed up in the outfit, wings and all, but I don't have any magical powers or the ability to fly! What gives?"

"Ah. I'm glad to see Ursula and Lila heeded my advice." Katey looked up to see a woman wearing an authentic-looking crown, and momentarily wondered if she had been sent to an OFU for a fairy tale series by mistake.

"Oh god, you must be _Her Highness _Miss Skye," a boy – at least Katey thought it was a boy – shouted back.

"You better believe it _Marissa_."

"I prefer Martin," the boy replied meekly, his face turning red.

"Red face and blue hair?" Miss Skye giggled, "I'm totally calling you Bled-head from now on."

"What did you do to my powers?" The princess asked, clearly not caring that she was speaking to the Course Coordinator, "I wanted to conjure stuff and everything!"

"Yeah… No." Ema turned around and began pacing with an air of regality. "Hugh Frasier may have run a school for monkeys but I'm running a tight ship here.

"My ship is tighter," Katey whispered to herself, and Ema whipped her head around and glared daggers at her before continuing her pacing.

"As you can see, we are on Pirate Arthur's ship. He has vacated the premises for the time being-" a few students groaned in disappointment "-and therefore you will need to find your own way to shore."

"Can't we just take the lifeboat?" A nerdy-looking girl wearing an obscene amount of flannel asked.

"Nope. I sunk it before you all arrived."

"Then how will you get across genius?" Martin retorted, clearly more annoyed than he had been earlier.

"Well, my dear Bled-head, I have my own Angel manservants." Ema blew the whistle hanging around her neck, "Manservants! Come here and take me to shore at once!"

"No. We're not coming out. These outfits are practically pornographic!"

"I said now Lucas! If you don't I swear I'll send that fine ass of yours to be Loki's manservant!"

Katey heard some annoyed mumbling before spotting two Angels emerge from below deck, wearing nothing but a pair of gold sandals and loincloths that left very little to the imagination.

"Oh my god," Katey saw flannel girl begin to fan herself. Nearby, Martin was quickly living up to his new nickname and immediately looked away. In fact, the only ones who didn't look flustered were the princess (who had long since stopped listening to Ema and was smacking her plastic wand against the mast in frustration) and Katey herself, who had to restrain herself from dashing across the deck and tackling the two Angels to the ground.

"Why doesn't Cain have to do this humiliating task?" the other Angel, whom Katey assumed to be Michael, whined.

"Because he isn't as uptight as the two of you and it wouldn't be nearly as fun," Ema responded. "Now come on boys. Fly me to shore."

"I'm going to kill Jennifer for letting her be the Course Coordinator," Lucas muttered as he and Michael lifted Ema off the deck.

"You were in that meeting too Lucas. It's just as much your fault," Michael snapped. The two Angels continued arguing as they flew Ema back to shore.

"Great. Now what do we do?" flannel girl asked.

"Obviously she means for us to swim to shore, like Jennifer did during her first semester here." Katey saw a young girl standing near the bow surveying the scene, "Judging from the form we signed, this Course Coordinator seems twisted enough."

"Who is she anyway?" The Princess spoke up, throwing her useless wand into the water, "I don't remember her being in the story at all."

"Ema Skye. She was introduced in the first semester as a personification of a Brigade and a member of the 'Special People' group," The young girl explained, "I imagine she got the job because of all the fanart the character has generated for the series."

"Oh yeah, I think my girlfriend showed me those," Martin added, "That artist is talented."

"Better than some of those pornographic comics I see popping up lately," the young girl continued, "But that aside. We better start swimming. None of our things are here so they must be on the main campus waiting for us."

"I could try and make the plants in the water grow so we can walk on them," A girl wearing purple yoga pants suggested.

"If what's-her-name's powers don't work," The young girl motioned towards the Princess, "what makes you think yours will?"

"I don't know. It was just a suggestion."

"My name is Katelyn by the way. Katelyn Scarlett," the princess interjected.

"Yes, well my name is Victoria Blythe," the young girl cleared her throat, "but we can get to know each other later. I'd rather not think about what Miss Skye might release into this lake at night. Something tells me it isn't going to be mermaids."

"Oh! Maybe Lucia's in there and she'll give us a ride!" Katelyn gushed.

"Maybe," Victoria conceded, though she looked doubtful. "Come on everyone. Get into the water."

* * *

><p>By the time Katey got to the shore, she was starting to understand what Ursula meant when she said that horrible things would happen.<p>

Despite Katelyn's hopes, they didn't receive any aid on what seemed like a never-ending swim across the lake. The only living creature they encountered was a turtle – sending Katelyn into hysterics. As soon as they got to shore, an annoyed Michael – still in uniform – pointed the group towards the Orientation Hall.

"Can't we get changed into dry clothes first?" Katey complained, ringing out her hair and thanking whatever deity looked over this place that her hair dye hadn't washed out. The rest of her ensemble wasn't so lucky. Her Dave Strider t-shirt was covered in mud and she had lost her sunglasses at some point during her swim.

"If you come with us we'll give you dry clothes!"

Katey shrieked and jumped back as a girl with bright pink hair and cat ears sprung out from behind a nearby bush.

"Go away Alexandra. You're supposed to be guarding Franklin and Taylor." Michael scowled.

"Oh don't you look delicious in that outfit. If my heart and soul didn't belong to Hughie I would consider-"

"Go away. Now."

"Aren't you one of God's Angels? Shouldn't you be a little nicer?"

"It is against my code to indulge your sick fantasies Alexandra. Now I believe I told you to go back to your post."

"Fine," Alexandra sighed, giving Katey a flirty wave before jumping back into the bush.

"That's not what I- Oh whatever," Michael shook his head and led the students into the Orientation Hall.

* * *

><p>"I have to say I love Miss Skye's taste in clothing," Karen giggled.<p>

"It's not funny Karen. It's humiliating. And you're my girlfriend! Shouldn't you be angry that Ema's using me like this?"

"Oh you're right, I should be," Karen nodded, walking behind Lucas and eying him eagerly, "But I've been working myself to the bone at my Fanfiction University, and with our impending doom and all, I've decided that a little fun wouldn't hurt."

"Yeah. This is fun." Lucas deadpanned as Sara, Loki, and Andy entered the Staff Section carrying large boxes.

"Looking good Lucas!" Loki grinned.

"Shut up Hell Beast!"

"What's in those boxes?" Karen asked, cutting off Loki and Lucas's argument before it could start.

"Coffee mugs. Ema's still making me the barista at that damn coffee shop." Andy huffed and set his box down, his lung capacity clearly handicapped, "We're all gonna die so I was hoping that scheme would die first."

"Don't we have coffee mugs in Cafeteria alre- What are these?" Lucas asked, digging though the box and holding up a coffee mug.

"She has her face on them. I know, narcissistic right? I guess I could let off some steam by pouring hot water on her every day," Andy snorted.

"And while he's doing that the rest of us can bask in all your glory," Sara cackled and Lucas turned beat red.

"Um, Sara, your boyfriend's standing right here." Andy rolled his eyes and lit a cigarette.

"You should really stop smoking. That display just now was basically a 'Don't Do Drugs' commercial," Karen quipped.

"We're all going to die anyway. No point in quitting now."

"That's right!" Sara shouted, "We should spend this time doing stuff we never did. Sort of like a last hurrah!"

"That's a good idea, though a bit grim," Loki agreed.

"I got just the thing! Sexual roleplay!" Andy dropped his cigarette on the ground in shock as Sara began a rapid-fire list of activities. "First, Andy will be the Pokémon trainer and I'll be the Charizard he'll need to battle. Then I'll dress up as a Mountie and he'll be the criminal stealing all the maple syrup-"

"Oh dear god," Andy groaned.

"Not even god could save you from that," Lucas and Karen patted him on the shoulder in synchronized sympathy and left. Loki was laughing too hard on top of her box of mugs to notice.

* * *

><p>"Welcome to your student orientation!" Ema proclaimed, now donning judge's robes and pounding a gavel down on the podium. "Misbehave and I'll send you to the Gellows!"<p>

"Don't you mean the gallows?" Victoria spoke up, flinching when Ema swung the gavel in her direction.

"No my dear, I in fact mean the Gellows. I assume you're all familiar with Bled, especially you Bled-head?"

Martin nodded miserably.

"Gellow is an unholy mixture of fluorescent green and the 'fuck-its-blinding-holier-than-thou' yellow that shines out of Lucas's ass. The Gellows is a room in the school painted entirely that color that you'll be chained inside of with some of our most annoying and possibly bloodthirsty Mary Sues."

Katey shrank back. This was definitely not the experience she was hoping for.

The other students clearly felt the same. What disappointed Katey almost even more than Miss Skye's tyranny was that the student body was mostly female. Aside from Martin there seemed to be only a couple of other guys. The boy sitting next to Martin seemed attractive enough but both of them gave off a vibe that was so disgustingly _hetero_ and the others were seated too far away to get an accurate read on.

"Why are you leering at those guys?"

"Um, no I'm not?" Katey sat up quickly, relieved that the girl sitting next to her was the only one who seemed to notice her strange behavior.

"I'm Persephone Carla Leafegreene by the way," The girl reached out her hand and Katey recognized her as the girl who wanted to try to grow plants in the lake earlier.

"I'm Katey Bartholomew-Strider. So earlier on the ship..?"

"Oh that," Persephone sighed, "I asked for powers to grow plants on my enrollment form. Why even have the species section on the form if you can't do anything cool with it? Sure there are students like that goat girl over there but no one got any cool powers or anything."

"I know right? Ain't I a stinka?" Persephone and Katey jumped as Ema banged her gavel, "No talking during my Orientation! To the Gellows with the one in the oddly hypnotizing yoga pants!"

"What?" Persephone jumped up only to be seized by two Mary Sues, who easily dragged her out the back exit.

"And you," Ema pointed her gavel to Katey, "I would tread lightly if I were you. I'm only sparing you this time because I want to see how the staff reacts when they meet the famous fanfiction writer and comic artist that's been plaguing our small fandom with the most awful smut I've ever seen."

Katey felt her face turn red as everyone in the room stared at her. Victoria shook her head as if ashamed and Martin seemed to be whispering to the guy next to him and stealing glances back at her. In fact, the only one who didn't seem totally fixated on her at that very moment was, once again, Katelyn, who was staring in the direction of the lake as if regretting her decision to throw away her wand.

Katey buried her face in her hands. This was going to be a long five weeks.

* * *

><p>By the time Alice Wang made her rounds announcing that dinner was being served, Persephone still hadn't returned from the Gellows.<p>

Katey doubted whether their dorms would be much of a step up from being chained up in a blinding room though. They had been given the area that was still left in disrepair from when Lilith and her League of Mary Sues had attacked the school. On top of that, three people were assigned to each double due to the shortage of space. Katey was initially glad she didn't have to deal with Victoria's disapproving looks, and was instead rooming up with a dark-skinned girl named Mya Carter. She and Mya seemed to get along at first before Katey discovered that Mya loathed Hugh and Charlie as a couple – and flannel girl Charlotte Gardener, their other roommate, likewise hated Workbitch.

Not that it would have mattered. After Miss Skye's proclamation at Orientation, the rest of the students had done their best to avoid her. Even _Bled-head Marissa_ had managed to make friends pretty easily. Katey had often fantasized about having a group of friends like Peter and Jennifer had, but now that she was here she was starting to feel more like Faye Markus – only not a complete bitch.

As she left the Cafeteria, deciding that going hungry would be better than sitting alone, she bumped into what felt like a brick wall and fell to the ground.

"I'm sorry! I should've watched where I was going-" Katey looked up and saw Peter Hawthorne staring back at her uneasily.

"Oh, um, its fine I guess." Peter brushed past her and Katey felt her face light up in embarrassment. Ursula didn't exaggerate. This place was _terrible_.

"Honestly Peter!" A friendly looking boy that Katey hadn't noticed walking nearby shook his head, "Here, let me help you up."

"Thanks," Katey muttered.

"My name's Stanley South!" The boy smiled at her in a way that Katey could easily tell was false enthusiasm, "What's your name?"

"Katey," She sighed, "It's okay. You can run away like all the others."

"I didn't see anyone run _away_ from you but okay. If you're sure you're alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine. See you around," Katey brushed past him and continued through the halls. She was so lost in her own misery that she didn't even realize that she had gotten lost.

"Crap. How do I find my way back?" Katey looked around, fighting back tears. She wanted to go home so badly.

"You can find your way back if you _believe_," Katey turned around to see Alexandra Bonnefoy grinning at her, "Or at least that's what Ema would probably say. She's annoying. I wish Hughie was still Course Coordinator here! That would be so kawaii!"

"It would," Katey replied, letting out a faint smile. Mary Sue or not, this was the first conversation she had had in a while where she didn't feel like the other person was silently judging her.

"She really has no right being up there in that office," Alexandra circled, "We should totally get rid of her and get Hughie back. I mean, like, she was so totally mean to you."

"I hate her," Katey sniffled, "But I don't want to get rid of her. That would just make people hate me more."

"I suppose you're right," Alexandra giggled, "But don't get yourself down! They'll all be dead soon anyway."

Katey froze, "Wha- what do you mean?"

Alexandra frowned, "Whoopsie. I guess I said too much. Forget that pretty please?" Before Katey could answer, Alexandra scampered away, as if chasing an invisible butterfly.

Katey felt her stomach drop. _What did Alexandra mean? They're all going to die?_

* * *

><p>"I feel bad for her, you know?" Lila sighed, watching Katey exit the Cafeteria with her head down on the security cameras, "I mean don't get me wrong, the stuff she made is absolutely disgusting, but she's not a bad person."<p>

"Cheer up. After tomorrow the rest of the students will be wishing that Ema had gotten their humiliation out of the way early like she did with her," Susanna grimaced, "I hear Ema has this whole thing planned tomorrow just to humiliate all the students. And she's excluding Katey because I guess she's feeling a bit guilty."

"Our tyrant is showing compassion? Stop the presses man! This is front page material!" Merka proclaimed.

"Susanna's right. Ema was pretty bummed out when she saw how the other students were treating her," Kriss added, "I think it brought back memories from that whole Sparkly Terrorist incident when all the 'Special People' were under suspicion."

"Then maybe she'll think it through next time she gets an idea in her head like that," Lila said, switching the camera back to Katey standing alone in the hallway.

"I doubt it. I heard Ema's got Takara off collecting badfic as we speak. Methinks she's going to publically shame everyone else with their fanworks too. Level the playing field."

"Oh _god_."

"How dare-"

"Shut up Lucas. Go back to peeling Ema's grapes."


	3. Problems and Palm Leaves

_**Author's Note:** Student submissions are officially **closed** for this story. Thank you so much to everyone who submitted! I hope I do your characters justice. (And sorry if I miss the mark. I kinda just work with the feeling that I get from the enrollment forms.)_

_This chapter marks the return of a couple of Hetalia characters so hurray!_

* * *

><p><strong>Part III<strong>

"_Be quiet or they'll hear us," Ursula whispered, pressing up against Kira. Outside the door they could hear Lila let out a moan._

"_What is Peter doing to her, deso yo~?" Kira whispered, grabbing Ursula's hand with fear right in her eyes._

"_I think you want me to show you," Ursula said, pulling Kira closer and leaning down to press their lips-_

"No! No! No! Make it stop!" Ursula covered her ears, "Who would write something so disgusting? I refuse to listen to this!" Kira nodded in agreement, squeezing a Sealand plushie and shaking.

"If I recall correctly, you were laughing when the stories were about other people," Jennifer snapped. "If anyone should be complaining it should be me. I've been written about the most!"

"Bitch please," Megan crossed her arms, "I have yet to read a single piece of smut that involved me! I've never been so insulted."

"You'd probably be paired off with someone on your blacklist, like Mighty Major J or something," Karen shook her head, "That fic with me and Aloisio was just disturbing on so many levels."

"You were just going on a romantic picnic with him in that one."

"I know. I'll never be able to get the image out of my head," Karen shivered, grabbing the Sealand plushie from Kira and giving it a squeeze.

"You guys haven't even seen these doujin yet," Lila hissed, taking another gulp from the bottle of vodka she had swiped from Sara. "I think I may become a drug addict just to dull the pain."

"Are you kidding?" Kagaya squeed, holding an anthology up to her nose. "This is fantastic! The dialogue and set up may be crap but the art is pleasant enough and it's _hot_."

"Sorry I don't find my brother bending my boyfriend over a table and screwing his brains out a turn on," Lila took another swig, "though the one with Dirk raping Lucas was so much worse."

"Okay, that one was pretty bad," Kagaya nodded, "But lookie here! Taylor and Charlie and double-teaming Peter!"

"I will end you!" Lila screeched.

"They're doing it with Peter?" Megan jeered, "I'm the one who gets double-teamed in that ménage à trois thank you very much!"

"Way too much information Megan," Jennifer rubbed her forehead as Kira fainted.

"This one isn't too bad," Franklin interrupted, holding up a thick packet, "The characterization is a bit flawed, but it doesn't cater to any crackships or have shameless smut."

"Oh yeah, Victoria Blythe wrote that one," Ursula nodded, "She's easily the smartest one of that group. She kinda reminds me of me…"

"Yeah, except she's not a psychopath elitist like you are," Lila slurred, tipping the bottle over and passing out on the table.

* * *

><p>"I don't understand what I'm doing here. Your secretary said that the other students were already living in the dorm," the young woman asked nervously, her eyes darting about the room as if looking for a means of escape.<p>

"But the first lesson is this afternoon, and I wanted to get this out of the way before I sent you on your merry way," Ema explained from behind the curtain, "I saw the fanart you drew of me, Julie."

"Oh, um, that was," Julie stammered, "I mean, you were under-developed but I thought your character was cool so-"

"Oh don't be so nervous. I really liked what you drew. You're a very talented young lady, and that talent is what led me to get this job in the first place."

"Oh," Julie replied, feeling a bit less frightened but still rather nervous.

"I wanted to ask you a favor. It may be a bit selfish of me, but I wanted you to draw me once more."

Takara floated through the curtain and managed to pull it aside, revealing Ema lying on the desk naked. All her private areas were covered by a small, lacey shawl that she had draped on top of herself instead of wearing it as it would normally be. In her left hand she held a lavish staff that belonged in the collection of some old-world king, positioning it in a manner that was almost lewd. On top of her head she wore an authentic looking crown that Julie swore contained real jewels.

"Oh my god," Julie dropped her sketchbook, mouth gaping at the sight before her.

"Now, Julie," Ema asked in a seductive tone, "Paint me like one of your French girls."

* * *

><p>"Wake up. Charlotte's already gone to the stadium." Katey opened her eyes to see Mya standing over the bed glancing at her watch. The young fangirl had been unable to sleep the night before –Alexandra Bonnefoy's words had etched themselves too deep into her psyche.<p>

_They'll all be dead soon anyway._

"Come on! If we don't hurry I think Ema might sick England's unicorn on us!"

"I'm all ready," Katey sat up, revealing herself to be fully dressed. She had changed out of her Dave Strider shirt (which seemed to be ruined) and was instead wearing a t-shirt with a suit-and-tie design printed on it reminiscent of what Workbitch would wear.

"Okay then, let's go! I think Taylor might be in a loincloth this time!"

By the time they arrived, it was very apparent that Ema had decided to spread the fanservice around. On stage, Megan and Jennifer were wearing string bikinis and fanning Ema with giant palm leaves. Her Highness had decided to forgo the crown, and was instead adorned in an outfit that would be described as "Sexy Schoolteacher" in any given costume store.

Jennifer was beet red due to cat calls from two of the guys near the front of the group. Nearby, Martin was talking to a tall girl with long red hair wearing clothing that made her body look like that of a twelve year old boy – which was quite a feat considering how well endowed she was in the upper body region.

"Come on you two! Make out! It's my birthday and you're my OTP!"

"You mean you're a fan? I HAVE A FAN?" Megan yelled, "Come on Jen we need to give the guy what he wants!"

"Touch me and I'll break your arm," Jennifer threatened Megan with the palm leaf.

"Shut up you two. You're giving me a headache," Ema mumbled, massaging her temples, "Remind me not to drink with Takara ever again. I said I wouldn't stop drinking the sangria until she was drunk too but I was already drunk and forgot she was a ghost."

"Are we gonna have to fan you too?" Charlotte Gardener shouted.

"As if you would be so lucky," Ema smirked, "Oh and before I forget! Takara! Send the last three students out here won't ya?"

Katey turned around to see a poorly dressed girl with an upper body that made every female in the room feel inadequate stumble into the stadium looking winded. Martin gasped and rushed over to her, "Julie? What are you doing here?"

"Dude? That's your girlfriend?" The two boys and the redheaded girl shouted from where Martin was standing a moment before, "She's way too hot for you!"

"Shut up!" Martin snapped, Julie leaning on his shoulder in fatigue.

"I saw things… horrible things…" Katey heard Julie whisper when they walked past her. A moment later, she heard a crash and saw a gellow-covered Persephone stumble into the room flanked by two hungry looking Mary Sues.

"Let her go you two," Ema commanded. The two sues looked annoyed but left just the same, and Persephone stumbled over towards Katey.

"They wouldn't stop talking about Hugh Fraser," She gasped, grasping her own shirt and staring into the distance, "I thought it would never end."

"You seem traumatized enough. I guess I'll spare you from today's exercise," Ema frowned, "Takara? Is the painting in position yet?"

"Painting?" A small girl with bright purple hair piped up, "Is it a shipping wall? Will it make Kitty and Anita canon?"

"Um, no. Sorry Spyro. It's not something stupid like that."

"My name is James thank you very much!" The girl huffed, "and shipping is a vital part of IAHF's infrastructure!"

"I'm sure Kitty and Anita will be thrilled to hear that, considering one of them is seventeen and the other is twelve," Jennifer gagged.

"But age is just a number," James gushed, "I mean, Workbitch is around forty isn't he?"

"Is he forty?" Megan asked. Ema raised an eyebrow as well.

"He's not forty!" Jennifer screeched.

"He's too old for you! You should be with me! I can love your body in all the right ways!" The catcaller from earlier shouted. The other boy and the redhead both rolled their eyes.

"What is your name?" Jennifer demanded, "I want to report you to the proper authorities."

"Chris Kannon," the boy slicked back his short, dark brown hair, "Kannon is also the name of my-"

"Too much information," The redhead yelped, and she and the other boy tackled Chris to the ground.

"Scarlett! Enlai! Get off of me!" Chris whined.

"CHRISPY!"

The entire room jumped, and the wailing continued for another moment before the room became dead silent.

"Wha- What was that?" A girl with goat-like features and rainbow eyes asked, "It sounded scary."

"Um, we have a poltergeist?" Jennifer answered.

"Yeah. A really horny one. Just ignore it." Megan quipped, seemingly trying to keep herself from laughing.

"It won't come into our beds at night will it?" Katelyn yelped, grabbing onto the much younger and mildly shell-shocked Victoria.

"I can stay with you and keep you nice and warm under those sheets." Katey turned around just in time to see a guy with jet-black hair and wearing what appeared to be an elaborate cosplay of Dante from Devil May Cry. He was being escorted into the room by Mike Hawk and Taylor Drews-Garcia.

"Oh yes, you," Ema groaned, all enthusiasm stripped from her voice, "Kotaro Blaze Hellsraven – whatever the hell kind of name that is. From what I understand, you have managed to convince your Mary Sue guards to have sex with you."

"What can I say? I have a way with the ladies." Kotaro flashed a smile at Katey, and she couldn't help but feeling a bit flushed – even if he did seem like a complete narcissist.

"Please. He was so overwhelmed he was crying. I think he was so greatful that his stupid lines actually worked for once," Mike snickered.

"Shut up. I'm awesome and way too cool to cry. Besides, I bet you've never had sex in your life."

"Did you actually read IAHF?" Mya rolled her eyes, "During the first semester Mike and Taylor were doing it – and then Mike started dating Mars."

"Woah wait you like dudes?" Kotaro wrinkled his nose, "Sorry I don't go that way. You should really try chicks though. I'm sure they would find you attractive enough."

"Oh great, someone's here to compete with Faye Markus." Victoria drawled, "If you didn't read IAHF what are you even doing here?"

"Oh I skimmed. Liked writing about showing the honeys here a good time." Kotaro scooted away from Mike and leered towards Megan, "You must be Megan. I love your work. We should collaborate sometime."

"I'd be flattered that I have another fan, but I think I'm going to pass," Megan turned away, flicking her palm leaf dismissively.

"Don't be like that baby."

"Enough. If you don't change your attitude I'm going to lock you in a room with Charlie Tenterden when he's feeling sexually repressed," Ema snapped, "Anyway, now that you're all here, we can begin the public shaming."

"Public shaming?" Katelyn asked, peeking out from behind Victoria, "We're not going to have to fan you are we?"

"I already said that none of you are worthy of that honor! What I mean is I had my secretary dig up all your fanworks so we can share them all with your classmates."

"Oh no," Katey turned to see Martin living up to his bled-head nickname. Nearby, the girl with goat-like features looked increasingly alarmed.

"Go for it. I have nothing to hide." Victoria crossed her arms and looked around. No one else seemed to share her confidence though, and even Mya was looking rather unhappy at this development.

"Let's get started then." Ema clapped her hands gleefully, "First up, I'd like to show you all a work I actually approve of – painted by our very own Julie Dratchetnburg! Pull back the curtain Takara!"

"Oh my," Katey's face flushed and she looked away. She was familiar with drawing the male form, but the female form still made her somewhat uncomfortable – and that painting was a whole lot of female form.

"You made my girlfriend paint that?" Martin looked taken aback.

"She's drawn fanart of me before, so I thought I'd give her a thrill."

"Wait- that was you?" Martin stared at Julie, who was now facing the other direction feigning interest in the Astroturf.

"You had Julie paint you? Does that mean you two are an item? Should I add it to the chart?" James asked in excitement.

"She's my girlfriend!" Martin shouted, causing the young girl to shrink back a bit.

"No, I'm not a lesbian," Ema waved her hand, "the only woman who could ever satisfy me is me, and we simply do not have the proper cloning technology."

"That's hot," Chris and Kotaro said at the same time.

"Perverts. All of you!" Victoria shouted, throwing up her hands in defeat.

"Just you wait Tori dear," Ema grinned, "It's just getting started. Lila? I believe first up is Drew O'Niel?"

"Wait, is there another guy here or just someone with a guy's name?" Charlotte asked, looking around in an exaggerated fashion.

"I am a guy thank you very much!" Katey turned in excitement. _Could it be? Yes it was!_

Lurking to the side stood a hipster-looking guy with short dirty blonde hair, green eyes, and glasses. And he practically reeked of _bicuriousity_.

Katey smiled up at the sky, thanking an unnamed deity for answering her prayers, while Ema began to read a rather smutty fic about her serving girls that only made Chris and Kotaro resume the catcalls.

* * *

><p>"Not much fun when yer the one they be chasin' afta', aye?" Pirate Arthur commented, pouring himself more tea.<p>

"Yeah, because having Charlie and about a dozen Mary Sues as stalkers didn't give me any idea what that was like," Hugh grunted, taking another shot of vodka, "I'm just glad that I managed to shake that red-headed annoyance and get out here to this Damn Island."

"I feel sorry for you and your problems," Gilbert sneered, holding his beer up in the air, "You weren't the one who had to deal with giant Nazi chickens trying to rape you."

"Apparently Sparkles was the creation of one of the students going to Ema's stupid university."

Gilbert spit out his drink. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Yeah. I heard Ursula Klevins bitching about it… somewhere. I don't remember exactly. She complains an awful lot. Some girl named Katey?"

"We're going back!" Gilbert stood up, throwing a random punch to his right with no particular target in mind. Luckily the person sitting to his right was Ninja Kiku, who easily outmaneuvered him.

"You can go back if you want, but there's no way I'm going to."

"Come on Hughie," Allen poked his friend, "We only have a few weeks left to live. And you really should get laid before then. And you're way to high maintenance for someone other than a Mary Sue or Charlie to get involved with."

"It's all about sex with you," Hughie snapped, throwing his glass at the bar and narrowly missing Ninja Kiku, "Let me remind you that I have a daughter! A daughter who is barely a year old and will not live to see her first birthday!"

The area grew noticeably quiet, and Allen patted Hugh's shoulder, "You're right. I'm sorry." He whispered. Hugh sighed.

"Then you should go back for her." Hugh and the others turned around to see Mary Crawford cradling Emma, who became rather fussy in her arms. "The campus has the original IAHF and the fake Venice we visited this fall. They're the only homes Emma has known, and she isn't coping well being here at all. I think it would be good if she spent the next few weeks in familiar setting."

Everyone braced themselves for the ultimate blow-up, but instead Hugh held his head in his hands.

"You're right Mary," he whimpered, "I need to get over my stupid discomfort with that place… for my daughter."

"Does this mean we're going back?" Gilbert asked, much more subdued than he was moments earlier.

Hugh sighed, "Yes."

"Okay then, I'll start planning the arrangements for you guys," Mary handed Emma to Hugh, and turned to head towards the Chinatown in the forest.

"Thanks Mary," Hugh choked.

"Anytime Hugh," Mary let herself a faint smile, and watched Emma become content and fall asleep in her father's arms, and the young baby's father begin to cry.

* * *

><p>"It's so mushy! Make it stop!" Kotaro cried, covering his ears.<p>

"He should make it stop because of that horrible grammar," Katey groaned, starting to feel much more confident about her own works now that she's heard almost everyone else's, "I'm not even _this_ bad and I never proofread!"

"You never proofread?" Mya asked in shock.

"You have no grounds to talk," Victoria replied, the disappointment radiating from her body would have consumed the room had the badfic not been so poignant.

Mya nodded and hung her head. Everyone else was either feigning confidence or exchanging uncomfortable glances with one another.

After a couple of more hours, Ema seemed to have her fill, and shut the large binder in front of her.

"As you can see," Ema proclaimed, "Katey here isn't the only one who sucks at producing fanworks. You all do, otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"You didn't read anything of mine," Victoria pointed out.

Ema stood up and looked down at the young girl, "You landed on this academy's radar for a reason though. And I will find the work that made you eligible for entrance into this place. Mark my words."

Victoria nodded, not looking particularly convinced.

"Anyway, everyone go back to your dorms. Your regular classes will begin tomorrow."

"Great. I need a shower and some sleep," Persephone rubbed her eyes before nodding farewell to Katey and stumbling towards the exit.

Katey turned her attention to Drew, who was still situated in the corner. He hadn't seemed particularly phased when Ema had read his works (though he did jump when Megan had an outburst about yet another Andrew on campus).

"Katey was it?" Drew asked as she approached, and she felt a blush spread across her face.

"Yeah, that's me," she resisted the urge to gush, and kept her voice level. "I really liked the stuff you made. That Hugh/Allen/Workbitch comic was just-"

"It was okay I guess," Drew shrugged.

"No! I mean- it was great! It really was!"

"I guess," Drew shrugged again, "It's no niche. Heterosexuality is too mainstream."

"Yeah, totally," Katey nodded, not entirely sure what he meant.

"Dude! That shit was awesome!" Katey jumped when Chris appeared out of nowhere and threw his arm around Drew's shoulder. "That story you wrote about Jennifer and Megan was just-"

"It was okay I guess," Drew shrugged.

"I'll see you around," Katey said, nodding awkwardly to Chris.

"Yeah. Sure." Katey was sure she had seen a flicker of something before Drew returned to his forced disinterested state.

As she was leaving, Katey let out a silent squee to herself. The anxiety she felt about what Alexandra had said couldn't have been further from her mind.

* * *

><p>"What's the status?" Charlie poked his head into Loki's room, a sour expression on his face.<p>

"Not great," Shoste nodded towards the desk, where Loki was bent over her laptop reading intently, "We're still trying to get more information on the scratched universe to see if we can get a better timeline on what's going to happen. Loki's rereading our stories and updating herself on the events of the alpha timeline."

"Fun," Charlie responded flatly.

"What's the matter?" Shoste asked, motioning Charlie towards the door.

Once outside Charlie explained, "It's nothing," and turned around to leave.

Shoste grabbed his arm and turned him around. "Let's try this again. Did one of the students from Ema's school break in here?"

Charlie sighed, "No… well yeah, actually this girl named Nat Jerome broke in here looking for Jennifer sometime after dinner ended, but that's not what's bothering me."

"Oh?" Shoste raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong then?"

"It's Hugh. We only have a few weeks left and… I can't believe I scared him off already. I don't want to die with him hating me."

"He doesn't hate you," Shoste reassured him, "Mr. Hugh… has a lot of issues and crap he was dealing with long before this whole mess started."

"I guess but-"

"I'm sure you'll see him again. But maybe then instead of trying to jump his bones you should just talk to him? Time is precious after all."

"You're right," Charlie smiled and nodded, "For a troll you're pretty smart."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Kidding!"


	4. Fine Whines and Singing

_**Author's Note:** Sorry for taking so long with this! School, Family obligations, and watching Doctor Who, sitcoms, and anime has been eating up my time like you wouldn't believe. Again, I hope I do your characters justice and I apologize if I get them completely wrong._

* * *

><p><strong>Part IV<strong>

A week into the Fanfiction University and it was becoming even clearer to Katey that these Universities weren't all fun and games. Left off the written page was countless hours of studying, lessons, and horrible tests set up by the faculty that normally ended with someone being dragged off to see one of the nurses.

She had already learned to fear Her Highness Ema Skye. Ema had brought back the traditional Grammar Bootcamp, though she couldn't be bothered to get up that early so she had Franklin Livingston assist Dorothy and Carolina Brown in running the drills. But instead of being chased by mochis, they were chased by Mary Sues ranging from the annoying to the perpetually deranged.

It was no secret that the staff hated dealing with the Mary Sues. It couldn't be helped because under the laws of a Fanfiction University they had to find some way to work hand-in-hand. This was easier said than done. Just this morning, they had nearly caused a stampede when they learned Hugh Fraser was in the process of returning to the school along with a few other staff members from IAHF. More problematic though was their affinity for the male anatomy. Half a dozen IAHF students had to be present to keep the Mary Sues from trying to get friendly with the boys – and effort that was much appreciated by everyone.

Well, just about everyone. It was no secret that Kotaro Blaze Hellsraven snuck out almost every night for some sort of rendezvous with some of the more normal-looking Sues. Katey had overheard Enlai Li telling Scarlett Johanson at breakfast that his roommate, Chris Kannon, had snuck out a couple of times as well. While Scarlett was performing every gagging motion known to man, Katey secretly hoped Drew wasn't off doing that sort of thing either.

Day classes were easier but still challenging. The two other classes they had had so far this week were _Characterization of an Ensemble_, taught by Yuki-Rin Øxenstierna and Cain Harren and _the Art of Shipping_, taught by Kitty Smith, Anita Khok, and Stanley South. Both classes involved an odd amount of hazing, and by the end of the day at least one student would be dragged off to the Gellows. James Hermitston currently held the record at four, due to her inability to manage her enthusiasm in the shipping class.

What made it bearable though was Katey was no longer the school's outcast. 'The-event-that-shall-not-be-named' as the students had taken to calling their public humiliation, had leveled the playing field immensely. Though Victoria Blythe was now prone to overdressing so 'you perverts won't undress me with your perverted eyes'. Katey found herself spending most of her time with Persephone Carla Leafegreene. Even though there was an age difference, they shared a lot of the same interests, though she couldn't help but wince whenever the subject of Jennifer Chang was broached. Persephone was a major Jenbitch shipper (as Katey liked to call that pairing), but neither girl seemed too interested in debating it at length so they mostly stuck to yaoi, classes, and boys.

The other people that Katey found herself talking to the most were Drew and Chris, though Chris was the one who did most of the talking. Drew mostly just looked annoyed, and generally only spoke when complaining about how mainstream something was. Suffice to say, she often found herself bombarded with questions from Persephone about why she liked him. Katey herself couldn't pinpoint it. While his possible bisexuality had been the original draw, she found herself intrigued by the way he talked, acted, and dressed. It was almost hypnotic.

It was when she was pondering this that she saw the announcement tacked to the bulletin board.

"Yes! Finally!" Chris ripped the paper from the wall, grinning from ear to ear. "That Café thing is finally opening tonight. It says that the new IAHF students are going to be arriving then too!"

"Do you think that Hugh Fraser will be returning then too?" Persephone wondered aloud.

"I hope so!"

The group jumped, and looked around wildly until a small figure wearing a newsboy cap popped their head out of a trashcan.

"Jegus Nat. What are you doing in there?" Chris asked, holding his nose.

"Her Highness Ema Skye thought it would be funny to set a bunch of bees after me," She replied with a hint of fear in her voice, "I don't know how I managed to get away from them, but I've been hiding in here for a while. And who knows how she managed to get a bunch of bees to start with…"

"Sounds like her." Katey added, the venom practically dripping from her words.

"There are so many young kids here. I don't know why she feels the need to test their underdeveloped psyches like this," Drew sighed. Persephone glared at him and looked away, though he didn't appear to notice.

"Well, we'll find out soon enough," Chris grinned once more, "But first, it appears that they're having an Open Mic Night. Who am I going to sign up first?"

* * *

><p>"Oh I wonder if that's him!" Julie sat up before letting her shoulders slouch. "No, it's just that kid Drew."<p>

"I don't get why you're so excited." Julie turned to see Martin clutching a glass of what appeared to be Pepsi and looking at her questioningly, "Who is this R'lyeh anyway?"

"Death to the Jennifer and Workbitch pairing apparently," Scarlett snickered. "I didn't know someone like Nat Jerome could get that angry."

"Have you _met_ Victoria Blythe?" Enlai rolled his eyes and took another gulp of his champagne, "I feel like every time I'm in the same room as her she's judging me with her very soul. And what I wrote paled in comparison to everyone else's."

"Yeah, I hear she's still giving Katelyn and Mya and earful about that," Julie remarked, looking down towards the other end of the room and spotting Victoria talking to her friends with purpose in her demeanor.

"Though they're hardly the weirdest ones here," Martin nodded towards the bar, where the G8 were practically yelling over each other to be heard. Loki Shadow Reave was still nowhere to be seen, and Megan had taken over her duties as she had in the story's updates.

Curiously, the story continued to update with new characters and a continuing story. Julie chalked it up to some sort of thing that happens when Fanfiction Universities are set up. The rest of the students seemed to share the same mindset, and eagerly awaited updates to the point of setting up an alert system on campus. That was how Julie had first read about R'lyeh. R'lyeh had a quality that thrilled her in a way she hadn't been thrilled before, and she found herself fangirling over him without shame. Of course, this didn't exactly endear her to the Jennifer and Workbitch shippers in the school. Katey Bartholomew-Strider was practically breathing fire from her nostrils, but everyone knew that was most likely due to the extra screentime Jennifer Chang was getting as a result of this pairing rather than the pairing itself.

Over at the bar, the group was silenced when Andy Kirk dropped a tray of dirty glasses in front of them unexpectedly.

"What was that for?" Merka slurred, clutching her drink.

"You guys are being way too loud. I've already told you half a dozen times to pipe down," Andy frowned, "Merka, aren't you supposed to be running the Open Mic night?"

"Oh crap," Merka stood up and immediately stumbled and crashed into Susanna Black-White, sending them both into a nearby table.

"5 points! Nice dismount!" Charlie whistled. Kriss smacked her palm against her face, and stood up to help her girlfriend.

"Um, I've been meaning to ask, why are you wearing that thing?" Franklin pointed to Andy's uniform, which consisted of a cosplay of Red from the Pokémon games, complete with the hat.

"Because he's gonna need to catch me in the tall grass later tonight," Sara giggled. Andy's face turned almost as red as his outfit as he stumbled away.

"Sara, your libido is scaring me. And this is coming from _me_," Megan shook her head.

"Well you're the one who's scaring me!" Sara fired back, clearly a bit intoxicated, "Why are you drinking red wine anyway?"

"Because I'm a classy bitch and don't you ever forget it," Megan smirked.

"They're back! My Hughie is back!"

Everyone jumped when Charlie leapt from his seat and tackled the old Course Coordinator, his entourage standing behind him nervously.

"Hughie? Is that you? We've been waiting!"

"Oh god no!" Hugh peeled Charlie off of him and ran away in horror as Mary Sues emerged from cabinets and underneath tables and chairs, each one gazing at his retreating form with lust in their eyes.

"And with that," Jennifer shielded herself as the Mary Sues darted past, "I'd like to welcome you guys back!"

"Well, it wasn't an easy decision," Allen winced as we watched Charlie and the Mary Sues pile on top of Hugh.

"Before the newbies get here," Merka slurred with surprising accuracy, "Let's get Open Mic Night started! First up is our Hughness Ema Skye!"

"You're not even at the podium," Susanna whined, grasping her should as she helped Kriss escort Merka back onto her bar stool.

"Then you do it princess," Merka snapped.

"I can do my own introduction, Thank you."

The entire room quieted as Ema Skye dropped down from the ceiling, supported by a rather unamused group of Angels in loincloths, which had been reluctantly modified by Karen DuLay to prevent further indecent exposure.

"Good evening, boys and girls," Ema crooned in a deep, sensual voice, "My name is _Her Highness_ Ema Skye, and I've come to perform for you tonight." Ripping off her cloak, she was covered from head to foot in sequined attire. From her tiara to her high heeled shoes, she was a blinding sight.

"As it will be Christmas in just two short days, I'll be singing a classic that I'm sure will put you all in the mood to be… jolly." Ema winked at the crowd. "Hit it boys!"

* * *

><p>After Ema's somewhat obscene performance of 'Santa Baby', goat girl Corazon Herrera took to the stage and belted out 'All I want for Christmas is You', earning a standing ovation from all the straight guys and lesbians in attendance. (Except for Drew O'Niel, who seemed determined to stay away from the mainstream.) Katey appreciated it immensely, especially when Chris began shouting crude suggestions towards the stage and Persephone had to drag him back to the table.<p>

"I didn't know you cared so much," Chris swooned.

"Please, you're way too old for me," Persephone gagged, "Too old for her too."

"I don't know. Fourteen and Sixteen aren't that far apart are they?" Chris winked at Corazon as she got off the stage, though she didn't appear to notice as she was swarmed by some of her new fans.

"Nice to see furry fandom is still alive and well," Katey murmured sarcastically, nibbling on some of the pretzels that sat on every table.

"Don't let Julie Dratchetnburg hear you say that," Persephone pointed out, grabbing some pretzels as well.

"That bitch can go die in a hole for all I care," Katey snapped. Chris and Persephone stopped what they were doing and stared at her in shock. Even Drew couldn't help but show some surprise.

"Clearly you shouldn't be drinking," Chris composed himself and smirked, dragging her empty glass away from her.

"Oh please. You've seen the way she looks at me. At least Victoria Blythe has class. Julie's just nasty. I know she still talks about me behind my back."

"Agreed. No more alcohol for Katey." Persephone interrupted, "I'm gonna take you back to the dorms. You guy coming?"

"You go on ahead. James Hermitston is about to sing her ballad to Kitty and Anita," Chris grinned.

By the time Katey and Persephone were out the door, James was already through her second verse and Kitty and Anita were desperately trying to hide in the crowd.

"Crap," Katey winced, "I didn't make a complete fool of myself in front of them did I?"

"Normally you would have. But they're both so oblivious I doubt it," Persephone rolled her eyes.

"But I want-" Katey started, before Persephone shushed her and pointed towards the boys dorm.

"Who is that?" Katey wondered.

"I'm not sure, but I don't want to find out."

"Why not?" Katey tilted her head, "It might just be a Mary Sue. Or it could be our story's villain come to kidnap us!"

"Pipe down. I doubt it's a _villain_, but I can't exactly hold off an armed attacker by myself - seeing as you're completely useless."

"You're bitchy when you drink too. And you're only thirteen which is _so_ much worse."

"You can lecture me later when you're sober. Right now we should get out of here. It's dark and I'm starting to get nervous."

"Well I-" Katey bumped into something and found herself falling on the pavement, her vision blurring from the combination of the impact and the alcohol.

"Watch where you're going," a figure in front of her snapped.

"Oh they're so adorable. Do you think they'll join us too?" A nearby voice asked.

Katey scrambled up and focused to see Kotaro flanked by two Mary Sues that she didn't recognize.

"Something tells me they wouldn't want to. Besides, this one's too young."

"'This one' has a name, and yes I don't want to," Katey heard Persephone respond.

"What about this one. She looks like she likes to party," the other Mary Sue slithered over and stared at Katey, who felt goosebumps pop up on the back of her neck.

"Crazy Katey? She looks way too drunk and I don't take advantage of drunk chicks."

"Great. Now if you excuse us, we'll be leaving," Katey felt Persephone lift her to her feet, and the duo continued walking until Kotaro and the Sues were out of sight.

* * *

><p>"Thank you everyone!" Chris took a bow as some of the bar patrons began clapping nervously. His raunchy performance of the song 'I Wanna Fuck You' has mostly served to make the entire audience even more uncomfortable than the preceding events already had.<p>

"I don't blame Pirate Arthur and Ninja Kiku for ditching this place. It's not awesome at all." Gilbert observed, taking another drink.

"I'm doing the best I can! You try running a Café with a liquor license basically all by yourself! It's horrible! It's horrible and no one understands!" Gilbert stared as Andy continued to throw a fit wearing that ridiculous outfit before being dragged outside by Taylor and Franklin, with Sara tagging closely behind.

Grinning, Gilbert looked around briefly before jumped behind the bar, immediately breaking into the liquor and mixing drinks like the awesome guy he was. No one could top a German Nation in knowledge of alcoholic beverages.

"Silence! The great R'lyeh will not be mocked by foolish mortals!" Gilbert looked up briefly from his work, spotting the new students pouring in. Poor bastards. All of them had gotten roped into the story at the worst part – the very end. Just in time to get obliterated, or whatever was supposed to happen.

"What'll it be?" Gilbert flipped a glass as a boy with distracting blue hair pushed through the now thicker crowd to the bar counter.

"I don't care. Just make it strong. My girlfriend's throwing herself at a Lovecraftian monster." The boy motioned over his shoulder, where a girl was practically assaulting the boy who declared himself R'lyeh.

"She can have him," Jennifer Chang appeared at the bar, motioning Gilbert to pour her a drink as well. "We only have so much time left, and I don't want to spend it getting into a new relationship."

"What do you mean 'We only have so much time left'?" Blue hair asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jennifer seemed at a loss for words, so Gilbert interrupted, "Well I prefer to stay out of relationships altogether. Just makes things messy. Nothing beats being single."

"That's not what the manga indicates," James Hermitston popped up, brushing her violet hair out of her eyes.

_Do they need to have such oddly colored hair? _Gilbert thought to himself. "The awesome me dictates that the manga doesn't say anything of the sort," He snapped.

"No, she's right," Blue hair turned his attention back to Gilbert as he grabbed his drink, "You were visibly upset when Roderich and Elizabeta were hanging out at Christmastime, and Feliciano didn't even notice when you asked him out over April Fools."

"That was a joke!" Gilbert began to feel flustered as he gave Jennifer her drink and she wandered off into the crowd, "And Roderich and Elizabeta just annoy me sometimes. I'm not jealous."

"Whatever you say," James snickered, "But source material doesn't lie."

"But if you're wearing your shipping goggles too tight you begin to hallucinate," Gilbert shoved a drink towards her to get her to shut up. Nearby, Katelyn Scarlett was finishing up her song.

"Annoying little bastards aren't they?" Ema sat down at James' vacated seat, nodding towards Blue hair, "Beat it Bled head."

"What'll it be?"

"Surprise me. And see if you can get some good steam for Takara here."

"Surprised to see you here, what with Mr. Hugh returning," Gilbert observed, sliding a drink down to Ema and readying one of the coffee gizmos to generate steam.

"Well, I knew the Mary Sues were lurking about…" Takara muttered, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

"Hey, where's Kirk? Shouldn't he be running this thing?" Ema interrupted.

"He lost his shit and is probably off catching all one hundred and fifty Pokémon or something," Gilbert capped the plastic bottle and placed it in front of Takara, who nodded her thanks.

"You know there's more than one hundred and fifty Pokémon now," Ema smirked, "It's more like six hundred something."

"Are you serious? There goes my dream of being an awesome Pokémon master!" Gilbert sighed dramatically.

* * *

><p>The rest of the night seemed to proceed much more smoothly than originally. After Chris, none of the other performers chose songs that would rattle the audience. Gilbert continued running the bar, and though Andy returned briefly to help him run the coffee machines, he left in a huff after Charlie showed up in Blue cosplay and challenged him to a Pokemon Battle, though this time he didn't throw a tantrum. Hugh returned shortly before closing, looking somewhat worse for wear after evading all those fangirls, and by that point Takara had long ago departed.<p>

Things only got really interesting again after closing. That was when Loki arrived.

"Gilbert! Let me in! I can see you!"

"I'm coming. I'm coming," Gilbert mumbled, trying to remember which key locked and unlocked what. A few minutes later the girl was through the door and setting up her computer and other equipment on the bar.

"What do you think you're doing? I just cleaned that!"

"I need the caffeine and a quiet place to work. Merka's having a drunken fit and Charlie and Sara decided to join her. If I stay there nothing will get done."

"You were never one to pass up a drunken good time," Gilbert tilted his head, "What's going on?"

"I'm using the story text to isolate the differences in the timelines," Loki explained. "I'm having a hard time pinpointing the divergence, and it's possible that whatever happened was, I guess you would say 'off screen'."

"That doesn't sound good."

"No it isn't. I'm going to spend a few more hours looking but if I don't find anything I'll just have to isolate a certain time period and go around asking everyone individually for details," Loki rubbed her temples. "And to think, I could be hanging out with the trolls at a Fanfiction University for Homestuck right about now. Or supposedly anyway, I'm still looking for it."

"Well good luck. I don't know how to work any of those coffee machines so you're on your own there," Gilbert tossed her the keys. "Lock up when you're done, okay? I have something I need to do tomorrow and I don't need 'Her Highness Huge Ego' giving me a hard time."

"Good luck with that," Loki smiled weakly, before turning her attention back to her computer.

"You too," Gilbert smiled back, before walking out the door and leaving Loki to her grim task.


	5. Third Person Subjective

_**Author's Note:** Again, I apologize for the delay! This chapter is somewhat longer than the others, and we have our first onscreen lesson!_

_Also, because I'm a paranoid freak, please tell me if I'm horribly mangling your characters._

* * *

><p><strong>Part V<strong>

"Come back here James!" The Mary Sue harped, "I want to make you one of the popular girls!"

"No you disgusting freak of nature! I'll never be like you!" James cried out as she ran around the track. On the sidelines, Megan was muttering something about revising her character.

"Miss Scarlett," Franklin stopped in front of Katelyn, who was now wearing somewhat normal looking clothing, though she still seemed to carry the air of a fake fairy princess, "First Person Present Tense Singular."

"I?" Katelyn asked hopefully.

"Correct."

Katelyn relaxed her shoulders and exhaled, glancing at Victoria, who looked increasingly bored.

"Miss Blythe," Dorothy called, "The main usage of a semi-colon?"

"To separate two independent clauses," The girl yawned.

"Correct," Dorothy frowned, "It would do you good to pay more attention. If you assume you know all there is to know, you'll never learn anything."

"I'll take that into consideration," Victoria sighed.

"Miss Bartholomew-Strider," Carolina called, "Use the passive voice properly in a sentence."

* * *

><p>"I hate this place," Katey yawned, drowning her pancakes in syrup.<p>

"I don't know. It has its good points. I overheard Stanley South talking to Sandra and Nanise about skiing lessons," Persephone gushed, before taking a bite out of an apple,

"Everyone bundled up in coats and falling down mountains? Pass," Drew sighed, staring out the window at the frozen lake.

"That's what you said about Christmas," Persephone swallowed, "Except without the mountains."

"Meh," Drew shrugged, disinterested.

"Glad a bought my snowboard," Chris grinned, "I'm gonna tear up the slopes. By the time I'm done there'll be…um..."

"Choose your analogies before you begin," Katey snorted, and Chris stuck out his tongue at her.

"Just one more class and we can look forward to New Years Eve," Persephone sighed. "Even if we aren't on the slopes, all the scenery covered in snow will be absolutely beautiful."

"Yeah, but it's the Ensemble class," Chris groaned, "If I have to withstand another one of those lectures I think I might break through the ice on the lake and drown myself."

* * *

><p>"Welcome back students," Cain greeted everyone cheerfully as they filed in, shuffling his papers, "Kriss and Merka have just informed me that they'll be taking all interested students for a skiing lesson tomorrow. And Yuki-Rin was up last night grading your papers on the ensemble in romantic works, so today could end up being a very good day with lots of things to look forward to-"<p>

"Yeah, yeah," Megan popped her head into the classroom, "We get it Cain, you like doting on kids."

"Oh, they sent you to observe the lesson today?" Cain frowned, "I thought Tori Troutman and Gregory Walton were on the schedule?"

"They were, but all those new students have thrown everybody off," Megan frowned, "They were promised a schooling experience for Hetalia, and Mr. Hugh seems to think they should get one, even if it is-"

"_Poorly Planned_," Cain interrupted, nodding at the students.

"Wha- Oh. Yeah. _Poorly Planned_," Megan added.

"What was that?" Chris murmured.

"I don't know," Katey responded, though she felt a familiar lump form in the pit of her stomach as she remembered what Alexandra Bonnefoy had told her on her first day.

"But yeah, some more of the IAHF faculty are returning for their benefit," Megan announced, drawing cheers from the other students.

"Everyone sit down at take out your notebooks!" Yuki-Rin entered through the doorway and slammed a stack of papers on the desk, "I just went over your essays and I am not amused."

"Were they that bad?" Cain asked, clearly shocked at the girl's hostility.

"Actually, they weren't. Some were surprisingly well-written."

"Then what's the problem?" Megan asked, only to shrink back when Yuki-Rin made eye contact.

"Because one essay so blatantly dismissed everything that we've taught so far," Yuki-Rin crossed her arms and frowned, "It's one thing if you don't understand the lesson or simply don't try, but to intentionally mock everything is unacceptable."

Persephone looked at Chris who shrugged, and Katey noticed Mya fidgeting in her seat nervously.

"So today, instead of the planned lesson, we're all going to watch select episodes of _One Piece_. The ones that _really_ drag on," Yuki-Rin proclaimed, eliciting groans from everyone in the room.

"Wait, what?" Cain brushed past Megan and confronted Yuki-Rin, "I'm the instructor of this class too. If you're going to make changes to the lesson plan, you need to consult me first!"

"I tried. But Ema had you off doing her bidding all morning and I couldn't find you anywhere!"

"Okay, chill out you too," Megan interrupted, "You still have a class to… well, I guess it would be supervise, since you're not actually teaching them anything today. Do you honestly think that's the best use of our time? Just send the student to the Gellows and be done with it."

"I suppose," Yuki-Rin sighed, "Dirk, would you please escort Miss Blythe to the Gellows?"

"It would be my pleasure," the tall Gary Stu responded, walking to the front of the classroom from where he was stationed. Katey jumped, unaware that he had been back there.

The rest of the students were more enthralled with Victoria, who was being led out by Dirk. Katey saw Mya relax and Katelyn shaking her head.

"At least we know how she ended up here," Persephone whispered, "Disregarding the merits of an entire genre."

"I don't know," Katey whispered back, "Doesn't seem like enough of a reason to me. I don't like horror but I don't think that's part of why I'm here."

"That guy will never not be creepy," Megan shivered once Victoria and the Gary Stu were gone. "Can we get on with the lesson already?"

"Yeah, sure," Yuki-Rin went over to the computer and booted up the monitor, which displayed the words 'P.O.V. – The Literary Lens'.

"Today we're going to be discussing Point of View. The concept is pretty self explanatory." Cain explained, "When you're writing a story, it is told through the viewpoint of someone – whether it be a character or some other form of narration."

"What about plays?" Enlai called from the back.

"Plays are a bit different, because it's a different storytelling medium," Cain responded, "When you're in the audience you're seeing the events unfold in front of you, and generally without narration."

"But back to standard prose," Yuki-Rin cued up the next slide, "The first-person point of view allows the story to be told through one character's eyes. In longer works, some authors choose to shift between several points of view over the course of the story."

"This can be constricting though," Cain elaborated, "Because you can only see events through this particular person's eyes, you can't discuss information this character would have no way of knowing, or describe settings or conversation outside of this character's field of perception."

"What would IAHF be considered?" Katelyn asked, "I mean, I think its first-person, but it doesn't use words like 'I' or 'me' whenever Jennifer is mentioned."

"It would be considered a third-person point of view," Yuki-Rin answered, switching to the next slide, "Specifically third-person subjective."

"I suppose it would be third-person limited too," Cain added.

"What does that mean though?" Corazon asked, running her fingers through her hair.

"There are three different types of third-person point of view," Cain pointed to the slide, "Subjective, Objective, and Omniscient."

"Omniscient is when the narrator is an all-knowing entity," Yuki-Rin continued, "The point of view of the storyteller who isn't involved with the story. They can still offer critiques and opinions of the characters within the text though."

"Its really good for big sweeping stories," Cain made a large sweeping motion, with his wings following, "The narrator is usually considered reliable because they are all-knowing, and this format is good for large expansive tales like _The Lord of the Rings_ series."

"You're okay with _The Lord of the Rings_?" Nat asked in surprise.

"You're thinking of Lucas. Cain's the Angel without a stick up his ass." Megan called. Katey giggled, remembering her doujin starring Lucas and Dirk.

"I don't know Lucas' opinion of those books though, to be perfectly honest," Cain shrugged.

"Though to continue," Yuki-Rin cleared her throat, "Third-person objective isn't used as often with fictional works. It is considered a neutral unbiased telling of the events exactly as they happened. Today, this is normally seen in stuff like news articles and biographies. In fiction, a characters feelings and actions will be shown in an observable way, and any thoughts they may have will be spoken in dialogue or monologue."

"The one many of you are most familiar with is third-person subjective…" Cain began.

Katey yawned, surveying the class. Some of the students, like Mya and Nat, were paying close attention, while others looked incredibly bored. Katey saw Kotaro fall asleep at his desk, and a moment later a pair of Mary Sues dragged him out while Cain continued uninterrupted.

"Third-person subjective is when the narrator describes the thoughts, feelings, and opinions of one or more characters. If it's only focusing on one character at a time, it's called third-person limited." Cain looked around before continuing, "Good examples of third-person limited are the _Harry Potter_ series and _The Old Man and the Sea_. IAHF also uses this point of view, and like Katelyn pointed out, it is similar to the first-person point of view."

"What about second-person point of view?" Drew asked, showing mild interest, "Is it even a thing?"

"Well, yes," Cain admitted, "But works told this way are few and far between. The best example I can come up with is one of those 'Choose your Own Adventure' stories."

"Or one of those smut fics where you're the one having sex with the character," Katey added.

Everyone turned and stared at her for a moment, and Cain blinked before continuing, "When first-person or third-person subjective point of view is applied to a story with a large ensemble cast, it can be tempting to switch point of views a lot, but this can be confusing for your reader. Try to stick to a small handful of characters at most. A large cast can be difficult enough to familiarize oneself with, and by switching viewpoints often it can make it difficult for the reader to connect with any of the characters."

"And at this level I would advise against mixing these approaches in the same story." Yuki-Rin continued, "It can be done well, but it can also be done very badly, and even make your story completely unreadable."

"They will be doing it for their final paper though, Yuki-Rin," Cain corrected, "and next week we will be assigning homework that does the same thing."

"I meant right _now_," Yuki-Rin contested, though she didn't look to terribly confident.

"I'd like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that word choice is very important," Cain strutted across the room, "Especially when introducing key points to your story that you want the reader to interpret a certain way."

"Smug is not a good color on you," Yuki-Rin sneered, changing the slide, "And stay on topic."

"That's interesting coming from the one who wanted to forgo class to watch _One Piece_."

"Don't think I won't chain you up on the pirate ship! I have the keys and the shackles!"

"Kinky," Katey interjected, covering her mouth when she realized she had spoken out loud. Yuki-Rin and Cain stared at her while the rest of the room erupted in laughter, including Megan, who gleefully continued taking notes.

* * *

><p>"I said I was sorry!" Katey gasped wincing as she was dragged into the room. Miss Skye hadn't exaggerated; the color was extremely bright and unpleasant. After she felt the shackles get strapped to her arms and legs, she began to feel her eyes get used to the environment, but it still created extremely powerful headaches.<p>

"I can't believe she put me in here!" Katey turned to see Victoria yanking at her chains, "I'm the top student at this school. I bet this is going to go on my permanent record!"

"Will you shut up!" Kotaro yelled, sitting on the ground and staring at the door miserably. "No wonder all the Sues left."

"Yeah, because that's such a terrible thing," Victoria snapped, staring at her right arm as if debating whether to chew it off to free herself.

"They'll be back anyway I guess," Kotaro nodded at Katey, "They make a lot of inappropriate comments and ask a lot of questions about Hugh Fraser."

"You are not having sex with them while we're here!" Victoria shouted.

"Of course not. You're thirteen, I'm not a sicko!" Kotaro snapped back.

"Oh god," Victoria scrunched up her face, "You didn't do it… when Julie was in here did you?"

"She was already sedated because she threw almost as big a fit as you."

That make Victoria stop talking. Katey tried to focus on the small window on the door, but her headache was still persisting.

After a couple of hours of silence and a couple of barbs between Victoria and Kotaro, the door opened, and Katey recognized the Gary Stu from earlier walk through the door.

"Finally! I would like to speak to Ema Skye to appeal my case. I could also make some sort of deal with her to get out of here, maybe some commission work?" Victoria exhaled.

Dirk flinched, "Wow. You're fun."

"What are you doing here anyway?" Katey asked. "Kotaro made it sound like only bimbos came to this room."

"Oh, I have my reasons," Dirk squatted, making eye contact with Katey. "I couldn't help but notice you in class."

"I- really?" Katey felt herself blush. It was what she had always wanted. Finally, Dirk had recognized his feelings for her. "I'm so glad to hear you say that!"

"Pardon?" Victoria asked, completely shocked.

"I can't wait any longer," Dirk gazed deeper into her eyes, "I want you. I need you. You're my everything."

"Oh!" Katey gushed, feeling her face turn red. It was finally happening. It wasn't the most romantic of places, but it would be a story at their wedding someday-

"Hey Katey, snap out of it!" Kotaro yelled.

"He's using his Gary Stu powers!" Victoria shouted, "Get off of her you shithead!"

"But I-" Katey started, before the reality of what was happening hit her like a ton of bricks. The warm, safe feeling was gone, and a second later Katey realized it had never been real. "Get away from me!" She shouted.

"That's disappointing, I do love you after all," Dirk frowned, grabbing her arm and trying to make eye contact again.

"I- uh" Katey mumbled, feeling herself beginning to slip out of consciousness. A moment later she felt the weight lift off her, and woke herself up in time to see Kotaro reaching as far as he could while chained up, and dragging Dirk towards the opposite wall, where he began beating the Gary Stu mercilessly.

"What's going on in here?" Katey looked up to see Jennifer Chang enter. The Asian girl's eyes widened when she saw Kotaro beating up Dirk.

"That thing just tried to attack Katey!" Victoria spat. "What kind of operation are you running here! Chaining kids up in dungeons so they can be assaulted!"

Jennifer's face turned pale, and she reached down to grab a key ring hanging from her belt, silently unlocked Katey and Victoria's chains.

A Honey Badger wormed its way through the door a second later and looked up at Jennifer, "What's going on in here? We heard screaming."

"Dirk tried to attack one of the students," Jennifer replied quietly, as an IAHF student Katey recognized as R'lyeh entered the Gellows. Jennifer continued staring at the Gary Stu with intense rage, unfazed by the color of the walls.

"That's enough. I know just what to do with this thing," R'lyeh pulled Dirk away from Kotaro. By now the Stu was covered in dark bruises and bleeding in several places. Dragging him out, R'lyeh nodded to Jennifer.

A moment later a gunshot went off.

* * *

><p>Katey's recollection of the event was hazy, for which she was grateful. She had immediately blacked out when Dirk began influencing her, and had resumed awareness only briefly by the time he was dragged off of her. Still though, it was easily the most horrifying experience of her life, and she went straight to bed and slept until the next morning.<p>

She was woken the next morning by the sound of an intercom. "Good morning students. This is Her Highness Ema Skye. In light of recent events, usage of the Gellows has been suspended immediately. Instead, students will be sent to Pirate Arthur's ship on the lake to perform a series of chores should they misbehave. In addition, all moderate to high risk Mary Sues have been removed from campus. That is all."

Katey tried going back to sleep, but she was already incredibly well-rested, so she got up and dressed. Mya and Charlotte had already gone to breakfast. By the time she got down there, it appeared that everyone had already heard the news from Victoria, and a couple of people came up to ask if she was okay.

"I'm okay, really," Katey reassured Scarlett and Enlai, "I don't remember most of it. It was terrifying but he didn't get the chance to do anything besides scare the crap out of me."

Persephone and Chris expressed similar concerns but Katey insisted she was fine, "I just want to put my mind on something else," She shrugged.

"The ski trip is tonight!" Persephone pumped her fist into the air, "I'm absolutely psyched."

"Sounds like a plan," Katey laughed, turning to Drew. The boy had seemed just as concerned as the others, but seemed unsure how to articulate it. "Are you coming too?"

"I wasn't planning on it, but I guess," Drew sighed, looking somewhat forlorn about it.

"That's great. You and Katey can ski together," Persephone said half-heartedly, "Chris said he'd show me how to snowboard, so we'll be on the bunny hill."

"By the time I'm through with you, you'll be… okay, you won't be as good as me. But you'll be pretty good," Chris nodded.

"Oh Katey!"

Katey looked up to see Victoria making her way towards the table, almost knocking over Nat Jerome.

"Yes, what is it?"

"Miss Skye wants to see you in her office," Victoria grinned.

"Happy about another student's misfortune? How… ordinary," Drew sighed.

"No it's nothing like that! They used something called a Neuralyzer on me," Victoria explained, tapping her head, "Took away the memory of the Gellows completely.

"What? They can do that?"

"Special circumstances I guess," Victoria shrugged, "I still know the events that happened but I don't have to relive them anymore!"

"I don't know," Katey frowned, "I'm not sure if I want that woman messing with my head."

"Then just ask her to remove the minute that you were under his spell or something. Though why you'd want to remember any of your time being locked in there is beyond me."

* * *

><p>"Are you sure?" Kitty frowned, flipping the device in her hand. "I could remove the entire afternoon if you would like."<p>

"Just the immediate attack please," Katey closed her eyes and exhaled, "Though to be honest I'm not entirely sure if I want that removed either."

"It's entirely up to you," Kitty explained, "We normally only offer this service to canon characters, but under the circumstances we didn't see the harm..."

"Wait, when Jennifer was assaulted the PPC didn't offer her anything like this."

"Well, that was… um…" Kitty looked around nervously, and Katey couldn't help but hear the words echoing in her brain once more.

_They'll all be dead soon anyway_

"Never mind. Just do it," Katey replied, suddenly feeling a sensation like ice water coursing through her veins.

A moment later, Katey found herself blinking at an unfamiliar light, before realizing that she was on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry, you just went down as soon as it went off," Katey heard someone say from overhead.

"Mommy? Is that you?"

"Oh god, you gave her brain damage. That's just great!"

"I- what?" Katey sat up, feeling the dizziness subsiding. A moment later it all came flooding back. She came to office to get something. _A memory wipe? _Katey frowned. _Wait, I remember someone saying that I was assaulted! When did that happen… What, was it that thing in the Gellows… Kotaro beating up that guy… No, it was a Gary Stu…_

"Katey? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Two," Katey pushed Kitty's hand away.

"Okay, now for the final test. What do you think of my bling?"

Katey looked up to see Her Highness Ema Skye wearing a large golden necklace with large diamond-studded letters – an E and S – hanging off of it.

"Tacky as hell."

"Thank you!" Katey heard Takara groan from somewhere in the room.

"You just don't have any taste. This necklace displays just how awesome I- Ema Skye- really am!"

"Ema Skye? Isn't that a character from _Ace Attorney_?" Katey asked, feeling like her brain wasn't working the way it was supposed to.

"I chose the name on my application as a joke and it just stuck, along with the somewhat similar form," The Course Coordinator sighed, "I guess it's for the best though. My original appearance was way too sexy. No one would ever get anything done if they were too busy lusting after me-"

"That's enough," Katey felt Takara lift her to her feet followed by heavy panting, "The girl's fine so just let her go."

"Whatever. You're dismissed." Ema waved dismissively, staring into her reflection in the bling.

* * *

><p>"I swear they just get weirder and weirder," Katey sighed, strapping on her boots.<p>

"Whatever," Drew replied.

"Did you even listen to me?" Katey snapped.

Drew looked up at her in surprise, "Of course."

"Oh," Katey replied, turning when she felt herself blush. This had been happening all afternoon. Without Chris and Persephone to pick up the slack, Katey had been forced to make one-on-one conversation with Drew. While she originally didn't intend to tell anyone the tale of the Course Coordinator's creepy bling, she found herself pulling it out of her ass to fill the empty silence.

Who knew talking to a boy alone would be so hard?

"I was thinking after we did this skiing thing we should spend the afternoon sitting outside a stairwell making glasses out of coke bottles."

"I'm sorry what?"

"Or we could read some smut! I think that Lila girl has a bunch in her dorm."

"We're _skiing_ this afternoon," Katey stared at Drew with utter contempt.

"You mean, we're going down more than once?"

"That's the idea."

"Oh," Drew shuffled his boots in the show tugged at his scarf, "I see."

Katey sighed, feeling herself growing increasingly annoyed with his attitude.

"Okay, so everyone grab a partner and get on the ski lift," Merka called, breaking the tension.

"Well, let's go do this," Drew sighed, putting on his helmet. Katey ignored him and slid up ahead on her skiis.

At the ski lift, everyone was lined up in pairs. In the front, Martin and Julie were acting very couple-y while Enlai and Scarlett stood behind them making gagging noises. Further down the line, Charlotte was modeling her flannel jacket to Corazon, who didn't seem particularly interested. At the very end, Kotaro Hellsraven was standing by himself, looking somewhat dejected.

"Hey, I'll be right back," Katey shouted over her shoulder to Drew, who was taking his time walking to the lift. Drew didn't seem to hear her, but she made her way over to the end of the line anyway.

"Hey Kotaro," the boy looked up when she approached, "I wanted to thank you for what happened yesterday.

"Oh, you remember that?" Kotaro looked surprised, "I thought you had gone to get your mind wiped or something.

"I did, but only the parts where I was under the Aura of Smooth," Katey explained, "If I didn't have the image in my head I wouldn't believe that you actually saved Crazy Katey."

"I- oh…" Kotaro looked down at the ground, "I guess you heard that huh?"

"I may have been drunk but I was still conscious," Katey crossed her arms and looked at him thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," Kotaro looked up, "I was trying to be… I don't know. In all those stories I wrote the Mary Sues were all over me. But here they just seem interested in that Hugh guy. I thought if I tried acting cool they'd be into me and I guess it worked..."

"Clearly," Katey nodded at the distance between him and the rest of the line, "But how is 'Crazy Katey' cool?"

"I don't know? I heard one of the Mary Sues call you that and the others said it was a cool name," Kotaro shook his head and scratched his shoulder sheepishly, his pole dangling from the strap around his wrist, "This hasn't exactly been my proudest two weeks."

"I see," Katey nodded, smirking.

"Anyway, your boyfriend is waiting for you," Kotaro nodded. Katey followed his gaze to see Drew standing near the ski lift strapping on his skis. Charlotte was pointing to the end of the line and the ski lift but Drew didn't seem to pay much attention.

"He's not by boyfriend," Katey sighed, "Just someone who doesn't want to be here."

"His loss. I'd be ecstatic if I was sitting on a chairlift next to a girl who liked me."

"Yeah," Katey muttered.

"Everyone hurry up!" Katey heard Kriss shout. She glanced at the front of the line again. Charlotte and Corozan were now boarding the lift, and Drew was waving her over, failing to hide his annoyance.

"I think I'm gonna bail. See you around Katey," Kotaro nodded, before turning around to go inside.

Katey hesitated for a moment, before mounting her poles and gliding towards the ski lift.


	6. Going Down with this Ship

_**Author's Note:** Yeah, I know, it's been ages._

_I am going to see this fic through, I promise! We're already halfway there!_

_Also possible trigger warning for violence. IAHF is a violent place after all!_

* * *

><p><strong>Part VI<strong>

"Up, up! Get up, you lazy-ass fangirls! Collect all your crap and report to the orientation hall, you dumbfucks! Up!"

Katey opened her eyes, the phrase ringing in her head with a familiarity she couldn't quite place.

"Oh Lovino! Pop my cherry!"

"Gross! Get the fuck off of me!"

_Lovino_, Katey shot up out of bed gleefully, maneuvering around Mya to get a good look out into the hall.

She only caught a quick view of his receding figure as several students gathered in the hall and began chatting in excitement.

"This calls for a celebration! I'm starting a shipping wall!" James gushed, bounding back to her room.

"That can't be good," Persephone muttered, turning to Katey. "He said to gather all our stuff. What do you think is going on?"

"It can't be anything good," Nat sighed, and the group dispersed to go gather their things.

An hour later, Katey was dragging her bag behind her into the Orientation Hall. It had only been two weeks since the term began, so the events of the first day came back as if they had only just happened.

Most of the students had left before her, but it was more crowded than the first time she was there. In addition to her classmates, the new IAHF students were filling the seats. Katey looked around for a familiar face but they all seemed loss in the giant mass of unfamiliarity.

"Everyone shut up so we can get this over with!"

Ema was at the podium once more, and she was decked out in pirate gear this time. She even had a parrot sitting on her shoulder, though it didn't look particularly content. Sure enough, as soon as everyone got settled, the parrot turned on its master.

"Holy Fuck someone help!" Ema screeched, "This thing is mauling me."

"No Takara Stop," The parrot screeched, "You're getting lotion in my crack!"

The audience snickered as the parrot began flying around shouting profanities about the staff. Karen DuLay and Monochrome Cloud rushed up onto the stage and tried to capture the bird. Eventually more staff members came on stage, and it was knocked unconscious when Rinaldia Aria Winston Rivera began screaming at it.

"I hope she didn't kill it" A girl nearby remarked. She was wearing a Romulan costume, and Katey recognized the Honey Badger sitting in her lap.

"Of course it's dead. Everything dies in Homestuck!" Another girl giggled.

"This isn't Homestuck, Morgan…"

"Everything is Homestuck!" Morgan shouted, before being silenced by a stray mochi Ursula had thrown at her from the front of the room.

"Oh no Mochis are back!" Katey heard a few students groan in dismay.

"Everything is back, more or less," Ema cleared her through, looking worse for wear. "As of today, we will be providing classes for those new IAHF students who wish to participate. Those who don't wish to participate will be thrown into the wilderness outside of the campus to participate in our very own Hunger Games!"

The entire room groaned, though the Romulan looked intrigued by the Hunger Games suggestion. On her left, a couple of students simply looked confused.

"As for those students at my prestigious academy," Ema posed elegantly, resulting in everything but her undergarments falling off, though she didn't seem fazed, "They will vacate their dorms for new lodgings upon Pirate Arthur's ship-"

"NO~!" Katey heard Katelyn shout from the front row before descending into sobs.

"But yes!" Ema shouted gleefully. "And since the lifeboats are still at the bottom of the lake, it's time for everyone to go for a swim!"

* * *

><p>"That bitch is evil!" Mya Carter swore, running the water out of her shirt. Behind them, Annejo I<span>km<span> and Jennifer Lalonde bought their luggage onto the ship. Katelyn had attempted to bargain a ride, but Her Highness Ema Skye had insisted that all the students swim across as it 'builds character'.

Katey mourned yet another ruined Homestuck shirt as she grabbed her luggage to take below deck. Unlike last time, each student was assigned only one roommate, and Katey was hoping that she would end up with Persephone.

While Mya was more concerned about drying herself, most at the assignment board were expressing excitement or disappointment at their room assignments. Chris was chatting happily with Drew, who didn't seem particularly interested, and instead was looking over his shoulder with a somewhat intrigued expression. It wasn't until he had turned around that Katey realized he was staring at her, and she felt her face heat up.

"Hey, where did you end up?" Katey diverted from the board to talk to Kotaro, who was standing to the side wearing his Devil May Cry gear from the first day.

"I'm the odd man out. Chris was paired with Enlai and Bled-head ended up with Drew."

"Really?" Katey frowned and turned back to look at Chris, who was chatting excitedly.

"Yeah. I don't think Chris has figured out that Enlai and Scarlette are basically attached at the hip now. He seem to be expecting that they'll be each other's wingmen."

"It doesn't seem fair though," Katey shook her head, "You get a room to yourself while the rest of us are stuck with someone potentially insane."

"I guess. Drew's giving me the stink eye again," Kataro motioned to the gathered students, and sure enough, Drew was staring at them with a pained expression.

"He's showing actual emotion. I better go check to make sure he isn't dying. TTYL."

"Yeah, sure," Kataro flung his bag over his shoulder and headed below deck. He was followed by James Hermitson, who was practically dragging Persephone down the stairs.

"Damn," Katey sighed, "I wonder who I ended up with?"

* * *

><p>"Oh god," Julie shuttered, "Martin just texted me. He said I ended up being paired up with Crazy Katey."<p>

"She's not too horrible to live with," Charlotte replied nervously, looking up and down the corridor. "I still don't think this is a good idea. What if someone catches us?"

"Relax. If anything happens my beloved R'lyeh will save us."

"Aren't you dating Bled-head."

"I- yeah I guess," Julie stopped in front of a gated corridor, "But don't tell me you wouldn't drop your boyfriend back home in a hot second for Workbitch Bartholomew."

"But I don't have a boyfriend back home."

"THEY'RE HUSBANDS!" A voice in the corridor shrieked, causing both girls to jump.

"See, that's why we're here!" Julie pointed down the corridor, "I don't buy the ghost crap they're selling us. I think they're hiding something and I'm determined to find out what it is!"

"JAWN? JAWN? IS THAT YOU JAWN?"

"I'm scared," Charlotte whispered.

"Nothing to be scared of," Julie replied, lifting up the gate. A moment later, a hulking figure raced out, knocking the two girls onto the floor.

"CHRISPY! OH CHRISPY!" The girl shouted, her movement animalistic and her eyes wild, "I'M COMING FOR YOU!"

* * *

><p>"Why are you so upset?" Katey demanded, "I'm the one rooming with Psychotic Artist."<p>

"I'm not upset," Drew insisted, casting a weary glance away from her.

"She's right man. You're acting even moodier than normal." Chris snorted, "What is it? Afraid Dante is boinking your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend," Drew shouted defensively.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Katey grabbed Drew by his collar and shoved him against the wall, "Me and Kotaro and just friends! And what does it matter to you anyway? You either ignore me or treat me like crap, so even if I was screwing his brains out it wouldn't be any of your damn business!"

Drew stared at her with a stunned expression and Katey let go of him, some of her anger boiling over into tears. She knew she had overreacted, but she was so sick of enduring all of his crap that at this point she didn't really care.

"Katey-"

"I'll be in my room," Katey interrupted, grabbing her bag and running down the hall.

"Hey! No running below deck!" Yuki-Rin shouted, before jumping out of the way as Katey bolted past her.

When she finally found her room, it was empty and didn't show any sign that it had ever been inhabited. Katey threw her bag on the ground and jumped facedown on the bed, glad she didn't have to deal with Julie yet.

_Don't get yourself down! They'll all be dead soon anyway._

Alexandra's words from the first day were still ringing in her head, interlocked with rotating images of Ema, Julie, and Drew. Katey tried thinking about something else, anything else, but the mantra kept worming its way out of her subconscious.

She knew she wasn't supposed to take anything a Mary Sue says seriously, but Cain and Megan's exchange began to take precedence in her mind.

"Something bad is going to happen here," Katey sat up, feeling more driven than she had in ages, "And I'm going to find out what it is!"

* * *

><p>"Hey Charlie, have you seen Merka?" Jennifer poked her head into the office next to the staff section's main entrance. Loki had commandeered it for her work, and Ema had been more than willing to sign off on the motion. Currently, the head of the operation was sprawled out a couch in exhaustion, and Charlie and Megan were on the computers reviewing her notes.<p>

"Try the conference room. The rest of the G8 is meeting there to discuss policy or something."

"Except for Sara. I'm pretty sure she's shopping for more cosplay," Megan sighed. "Is this what it feels like to be dethroned? I was the queen here once, but now what am I? A has-been?"

"Escape while you can!" Charlie hissed to Jennifer. The redhead was not his cheerful self, and appeared almost as exhausted and irratable as Loki had been.

"Sure," Jennifer smirked, turning around.

"Hey Jennifer?" Loki moaned from the couch. "If you run into Shoste, tell her to get her ass back here! I sent her to get me coffee ages ago!"

"You don't need coffee! You need sleep!" Megan waved her finger in mock contempt.

Leaving behind the three of them squabbling, Jennifer turned the corner and almost collided with Workbitch.

"Oh, Jennifer…" The secretary's voice trailed off, looking uncomfortable, "Are you coming from the G8 meeting?"

"I was just heading down there actually," Jennifer avoided eye contact, "Why?"

"It's nothing. I tried calling down there earlier and no one picked up."

"That's odd," Jennifer frowned, "Normally we're pretty punctual about that stuff."

"I know. That's why I was headed down there to yell at them."

"Charlie and Megan aren't there, if you were hoping to get a dig at them," Jennifer remarked, rounding the corner to reach the conference room. "Hey, you guys," Jennifer grabbed the door handle, but it remained locked in place, "That's odd… You guys!"

"Jennifer," Workbitch pointed to the ground, and some kind of liquid was leaking out from under the door.

"Is that..?" Jennifer looked down, squinting at the substance, "Bled paint?"

"If the Bled Pinjas are back to their old tricks Ema will probably drown them in the lake," Workbitch sighed, knocking on the door, "It's just us you guys! Open up!"

"Hold on, I think I have a key," Jennifer sighed digging around in her bag and grabbing her keychain, "You're guys are so dramatic! I mean, it's just paint-"

Jennifer opened the door and let out screamed, taking a few steps back and grasping at the wall behind her. _No_.

At the foot off the door, Shoste Thermo's body lay bleeding, her maroon blood seemed to be reacting to something in the air, turning it blue and mixing on the ground to create the effect of blue paint. A foot away, Merka lay in a similarly limp position, her glasses crushed and blood pooling around her head.

Further in, Taylor Drews-Garcia lay face down on the table, appearing as though he had been attacked from behind. Next to him, Kris Kross lay spread-eagle on the ground, a blood trail extending from across the room with smears along the walls, suggesting that she had been dragged.

Lying on the table, Franklin Mycroft Livingston looked unharmed. Workbitch had rushed into to check pulses, and when he reached the table he took a step back, looking even more alarmed than he had before.

"What is it? What happened?" Jennifer screamed, detaching herself from the wall and stumbling forward.

"No, Jennifer get back!" Workbitch rushed to rach her, but she had already seen what he had.

Franklin was clearly dead. What appeared to be cake was spilling out of his mouth and nose, and the terrified expression on his face indicated that he was alive when it was shoved in. Below him on the table, words were written out in Shoste and Merka's bled blood.

_Mycroft x Cake OTP_

* * *

><p>"She has escaped," Ema declared forlornly, watching Takara pour her a cup of tea. The atmosphere Course Coordinator's office was subdued, and Ema and turned away must of the concerned staff members who had come to interrogate her about what happened.<p>

"Above all else, we need to find her," Allen put down his tea, appearing the most calm and collected. Hugh Fraser was currently hiding from the barrage of Mary Sues that were hunting for him, and refused to leave upon learning that a killer was loose as well.

"I can allocate some of my school's resources," Karen Dulay suggested, "We have extra supplies to revive them if-"

"You don't know-" Allen interrupted, eyebrows raised.

"Wha- what do you mean?" Karen looked at Ema in concern, "You guys have the back-up forms to revive the students, don't you?"

"The students yes," Ema sighed, standing up and turning to face the window. Outside, the campus was buzzing at it always had, but with an increased population of Mochi and low-threat Mary Sues roaming the area as a safeguard. Ema briefly felt a cool tinge as Takara moved through her to close the window. "However, once this area's stated goals shifted, the filing system was reset."

Karen paled, "You mean…"

"Death was always meant to be final," Takara interrupted, floating through the desk and to a nearby bookcase, "The trauma of facing death, especially a violent one, isn't something to be taken lightly."

"Yes, but we've revived them before!" Karen shouted, "Like, back when we had a serial killer in school and Mary Crawford was killed! We bought her back!"

"That was different," Ema replied quietly.

"How is it different?"

"Mary wasn't going to die again a couple of weeks later," Ema turned back to the other Coordinators, her expression unreadable, "To bring them back from a violent death only to face the imminent prospect of another would be cruel."

"But they're our friends!" Karen gripped the arm of her chair and began shaking, "We can't just sit here and do nothing.

"Unfortunately there is nothing we can do for them," Allen clasped his hand on her shoulder, "We can only find her and prevent more killings."

* * *

><p>"Ow!" Julie grasped her head, adjusting to her surroundings.<p>

"You're awake."

Julie looked around and saw that she was lying in a bed in the Hospital Wing. She spotted a few nurses she didn't recognize running furiously about towards the other end of the room.

Sitting at the foot of her bed, however, was R'lyeh.

"R'lyeh? Did you rescue me?" Julie asked, feeling a bit dizzy.

"I did. I figured you deserved a reward."

"An award? I don't understand…"

"Of course you wouldn't. You were unconscious and not very bright," The boy grinned and walked to her side, bending down to whisper in her ear, "Five people are dead because of you."

Julie's eyes widened, "What do you mean? I didn't- What happened?"

"You unleashed a force onto the story which should never be unleashed," R'lyeh laughed, standing up and walking back to the foot of the bed, "Especially not in the state it was in. When left unchecked it can be dangerous, but when its unstable and critical of everything it can be so much worse. It's like Christmas!"

"What… what do you mean?"

"Don't worry you're simple little head about it. If my suspicions are correct it won't be attached for much longer."

Julie felt her blood run cold, "What was it that knocked me over?"

R'lyeh opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by someone calling his name from the other side of the room. A moment later Nurse Florance pulled back the curtain and smiled at Julie.

"How are you doing? R'lyeh brought you and your friend in a little while ago. Said he found you at the bottom of some stairs."

"Uh- yeah," Julie nodded, "I tripped and accidentally knocked us both down them."

"I warned you about those stairs bro," R'lyeh waved before flashing her a grin and walking away, leaving Julie feeling like he had just dropped Annejo Ikm on her stomach.

* * *

><p>Katey woke up to a loud knocking on the door. Glancing at her alarm clock, she cursed whoever had the audacity to wake her up at 3 AM. And yes, she knew was audacity meant, thank you very much.<p>

"Hey, sorry," Bled-head stuttered when she answered, "Is Julie here?"

"She never showed up. Probably drowned on the way over today."

"What? Do you think she's hurt somewhere? Oh god!" Bled-head began hyperventilating.

"No, sorry!" Katey waved her arms, "I was just mad you woke me up. She isn't here, but I'm sure she's fine."

"Oh okay," He exhaled, looking over her shoulder for a minute before turning around, "When she comes back, tell her I need to talk to her right away, okay?"

"Okay, sure, If I'm awake," Katey yawned, "What's so urgent."

"All she talks about now is R'lyeh," Bled-head turned around and began dumping everything, "All she does is ignore me, and now she's off doing something in the middle of the night without even letting me know she made it safely on the boat. It's just so stressful. I'm not sure how much more I can take!"

"People like that suck," Katey thought of Drew briefly, before focusing back on Martin, "I hope everything works out."

"Thanks. Me too," Bled-head waved, "Good night."

Jumping back on her bed, Katey attempted to get back to sleep but found herself tormented by her thoughts again.

"Fuck this shit," She said to herself, sitting up, "I'll organize my porn!"

The chest at the foot of her bed was empty, so she said aside room on the far end to store her books.

She sorted in her Hetalia and Homestuck stuff first (Mostly Stridercest and AmeriCan), leaving the IAHF material of her own creation. She giggled, flipping through one about Mighty Major J doing naughty things to Rome-Wall. Then there was a particular favorite which involved Workbitch bathing in melted chocolate and ravaging Hugh Fraser in the Staff Section in front of everyone.

Her masterpiece though was her OT3 Dojin. A laborious illustration of Megan was on the cover, and it followed her adventures and she seduced both Taylor and Charlie and then bought them together into what Katey called a "Kawaii Threesome".

An hour later everything was sorted and she went back to bed, worn out in more ways than one. Though sleep wasn't kind to her.

Instead of dreaming about homosexual intercourse like she had hoped (yes she knows what intercourse means you baka), she found herself tormented by Alexandra's words again, but this time she heard Martin's desperate rambling intermixed as well. _It's just so stressful. I'm not sure how much more I can take!_

By the time morning came, Katey decided it was time to invest in some extra-strength Tylenol, and that her investigation of the mysterious events at the Official Fanfiction University of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction would begin today.


	7. A Pooling of Resources

_**Author's Note:** Oh my god I actually got a new chapter up the next day. Alert the presses!_

_Read and Review. I love reviews. They let me know that people are still reading._

* * *

><p><strong>Part VII<strong>

"Participating in the Hunger Games is starting to look pretty good right about now," Peter sighed, flicking some of his peas across the table at Kira, who caught them in her mouth.

"How so, desu-yo?"

"Because there's a chance that you'll survive to the end," Ursula sighed, looking much less confident than normal. For the past couple of days, morale had been low across the board, and Carolina and Dorothy Brown were already distressed by the process of running the Grammar Boot Camp without Franklin.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand that reference. I've never read The Hunger Games," Lila mused, dumping her peas onto Peter's plate.

"Yeah, me neither," Stanley agreed.

"Same," Kagaya added.

"HOMESTUCK!" Morgan shouted, before getting yet another Mochi to the face courtesy of Ursula.

"Oh, That's okay. I'll tell you what happens!" Kira answered cheerfully while the others watched Morgan writhe in pain on the ground before Arthur dragged her out of the Cafeteria by her feet. Students sneaking into the Cafeteria during staff eating hours, whether it be the Winter IAHF students or Ema's band of misfits, was extremely frowned upon and akin to sneaking into the Staff Section.

"No! I never said I would never read it!" Lila protested, covering her ears.

"Doesn't stop fanfiction from spoiling everything for me. Not that I even get the jokes," Peter stabbed his meat loaf with extra effort.

"Bravo Ursula! That's a perfect idea for a seminar!"

Everyone jumped as Ema Skye descended from the ceiling, hanging upside-down and wearing a skin-tight rubber suit.

"Oh dear god! What is wrong with your thighs?" Ursula screamed, covering her eyes.

"My thighs are flawless bitch," Ema attempted to flip her hair but almost fell out of her straps.

"But why were you on the ceiling?" Fye asked, facing the wrong direction. Kagaya sighed and turned his head to face Ema.

"Research!" Ema did a flip and landed on Kira's tray, causing the girl to start crying, "I'm not exactly in a place emotionally to come up with ideas for classes and seminars, so I've decided to crowdsource innovation."

"You'll owe us royalties," Lila held out her hand.

"Screw that!" Ema flipped back up in the air, kicking Ursula's tray into her face.

"Bitch!" Ursula shouted as Ema unhooked herself and began swinging on the new trapeze system she had installed.

* * *

><p>True to her word, Katey began the next day investigating…<p>

…and the day after that…

…and the day after that…

To be honest, it didn't take her long to search the entirety of Pirate Arthur's ship and she found diddly-squat aside from an obscene amount of One Piece merchandise labeled 'Property of Yuki-Rin' hidden in the storage area.

It was a welcome distraction though. She was doing everything she could to avoid Drew, and as a consequence she's barely spoken to Chris either. She and Persephone still hung out a lot, but she was keenly aware that the girl spent just as much time hanging out with the boys.

As a result, Katey had found herself becoming rather friendly with Kotaro. Persephone was clearly baffled by this development, but Katey couldn't help feeling some sort of kinship with the guy. They were both outcasts, and it didn't take long for her to realize that she was the only real friend the guy had at the school.

It didn't particularly help the rumors. Despite only three days transpiring, James had already begun a shipping board on her classmates and some of the members of the faculty. In the middle of the board, Enlai Li and Scarlett Johanson were connected by a thick black line. While neither of them officially admitted anything, basically everyone knew they were at least on the cusp of some sort of relationship.

The others on the board weren't quite as secure. Katey and Julie were each prominent members of love trangles, Katey with Drew and Kotaro and Julie with Martin and R'lyeh. Persephone was listed as having one-sided feelings for Chris, which annoyed her to no end, and almost everyone had a one-sided dotted line connected to Corazon Herrera.

The rest of the board was occupied mostly by the well established relationships of the characters at the school. The only particularly notable occurrence regarding that was the lack of any type of relationship between Jennifer Chang and R'lyeh, and no one was entirely sure why.

Well, most of them thought it was Julie's fault, actually.

The first morning of Katey's investigation, Julie and Charlotte had arrived on the ship courtesy of Aloisio Guerra and Lucas Arch, who somehow ended up racing to see who arrived at the boat first. After Aloisio finished crying, Julie said something about falling down some stairs, while Lucas informed everyone that some of the staff had taken time off at that Damn Island, and the Grammar Boot Camps for both the IAHF and OFUIAHF students would be combined to accommodate this.

Julie ended up telling a story about some stairs, and after Charlotte mentioned that R'lyeh was the one who took them to the Hospital Wing, Martin went below deck and stayed there. Ever since, Julie's been a mess, only leaving her room to attend classes back at the school. The staff seemed oddly unhappy as well, which didn't improve her mood.

"When did I become the happy one?" Katey sat down next to Kotaro, shaking her head. Today they were getting British food courtesy of the Anglophiles, and Rinaldia could be heard (possibly from space) fighting with Midori back in the kitchen over the proper ingredients.

"Don't know. But I overheard Gilbert tell Elisabeta that business at the Café during alcohol hours has spiked," Persephone gave her scone a tentative prod with her fork.

"But aren't you still fighting with your friend?" Kotaro frowned, eating his scone without much hesitation.

Katey glanced across the cafeteria to the South American table, where Drew and Chris were sitting alone. Drew was saying something to Chris, who looked distressed and was casting glances over towards their table.

"Yeah when is that going to end?" Persephone asked, giving up and giving Kotaro her scone, "This whole Civil War you have going is getting really annoying."

"What do you mean, Civil War?"

"Everyone knows you guys like each other," Persephone sighed, "Just talk it out and figure what the hell you guys want to be before James becomes so wound up she caves in a creates a black hole."

"Speaking of black holes…" Kotaro nodded towards the cafeteria entrance, where Martin was standing and looking around warily. At the European Table, Katey saw Julie grow uneasy while Enlai and Scarlett tried to entice her with conversation.

"James told me that he and Julie finally broke up," Persephone said, "Martin was really upset about it apparently."

"Poor bitch," Katey and Kotaro said in unison, taking gulps of their water.

"Attention students!"

Every jumped and looked up as Ema Skye descended from the ceiling wearing what appeared to be a rejected outfit from Cirque du Soleil. Once again she had the parrot on her shoulder, and once she reached the ground it began to maul her again.

"Goddamnit! I told you guys this would happen again! Get it the hell off of me!"

"That's right! Spank me! I'm a naughty bitch!" The parrot quacked, losing interest once the Anglophiles arrived and flying up into the rafters.

"From now on that Parrot's my arch-nemesis!" Ema shouted, trying to salvage her outfit. After a few minutes she cleared her throat, "This Saturday, you will all be participating in a seminar called 'Interfandom References.' It explores writing references to other fandoms in your fanworks."

"So basically it's a rehash of the Crossover Classes from IAHF?" Nat Jerome shouted.

"Not quite. This won't cover crossovers so much as inside jokes or shit. I guess? I don't know. I'm not making the lesson plan." Ema did a spin and pulled a grappling hook from seemingly out of nowhere, "As you were!"

Shooting the grappling hook onto the ceiling, she hoisted herself up only to get attacked by the parrot once more.

"Be gentle! I just had my butt waxed!" It chirped, pecking at her head.

"FUCK!"

* * *

><p>Julie felt like complete shit.<p>

Her boyfriend had dumped her. The other boy she liked turned out to be even more twisted than she originally thought, and something terrible had happened because of her.

The official story was that staff members were taking time off, but Julie was convinced it was because they had gotten killed like R'lyeh had said. Luckily, Charlotte didn't remember much of anything, so for all she knew the fake story was true and the sustained injury was deemed punishment enough for exploring the school instead of heading to the ship like they were supposed to.

"Julie, have you been sleeping? You look exhausted!" Scarlett looked her over with concern.

"A little. I think I'm gonna go to bed when we get back to the ship," Julie lolled her head, the duo quickly approaching the docks. Enlai had opted to spend the afternoon on the main campus, but Scarlett decided to head back to the ship with Julie, probably out of concern.

"Bad breakup?"

Julie glanced up and saw Lucia Verdas in the water, leaning up against the dock. The mermaid looked somewhat delicate, and Julie imagined what had happened the previous year when Megan cheated on her. The fluctuations in the weather had kept both the summer conditions of the lake and the winter conditions of the mountain possible, so she looked rather comfortable.

"Yeah. It's my fault. I've been ignoring him and showing interest in another guy," Julie sighed, rubbing her temples. She didn't like discussing her break up with Martin, but it was better than discussing the incident at the school.

"Megan says rebound sex helps. Maybe you should try that?"

"No thanks. I don't swing that way, and I don't think I'd be up for anything like that even if I did."

"I wasn't offering," Lucia giggled, waving her fins, "I mean, focusing on something else you love can help speed up the recovery process."

"Well, I love to draw. But I don't have any of my art supplies. The ones I bought are at the bottom of the lake."

"Those are yours?" Lucia frowned, "Yeah, sorry, I don't think they're usable anymore."

"Doesn't Katey draw smutty comics or something?" Scarlett asked, "Maybe you could use hers?"

"I guess I could ask," Julie mumbled.

Back on the ship, Pirate Arthur and Ninja Kiku were running maintenance drills, while Pirate Francis and Pirate Antonio were readying their ships for a possible battle. Below deck, thankfully, all the noise was blocked out, and Julie collapsed on her bed willing for sleep to come.

_Five people are dead because of you._

Julie sat up, groaning. Sleep wasn't going to happen. She stared up at the ceiling a few moments before staring at Katey's chest. The one time she had gone in there to borrow some Tylenol, she found herself scarred for life by a pornographic comic where Mighty Major J did _things_ to Rome-Wall.

"Maybe this time it'll be Faye Markus and McCarthy era Alfred," Julie speculated, the anti-communist passion making her nauseous already. Nonetheless, she opened the trunk and looked for art supplies. However, sitting on top of everything was a folder marked 'Classified'.

"Oh god. She's not writing a dojin about herself is she," Julie gagged, opening the file and flipping through the pages.

_Upper Deck Void of Evidence as of 1/4/2012._

_Storage Area Void of Relevant Evidence as of 1/4/2012._

_Julie and Charlotte return to ship with weird stories as of 1/3/2012._

"What the hell is this?" Julie whispered, flipping through the pages. They were notes about the ship and the classes, as well as members of the staff and some of the students. The page Katey had set aside from her was mostly covered with doodled penises, but did contain the account given of her stairs injury.

"What are you doing?"

Julie looked up to see Katey staring at her, fury raging in her eyes. While Julie had never seen Katey as any sort of menacing threat (and why would she? I mean really) she couldn't help but feel nervous.

"I was looking for some art supplies."

"You should have asked," Katey snapped, snatching the files from her hands, "and how dare you rifle through my stuff?"

"What is that file?" Julie stood up and crossed her arms, "and why am I in it?"

"It's none of your business!" Katey snarled, throwing the file back in the chest.

"It is my business! You have stuff written about me in there and when I fell down those stairs!"

"Yeah, well, I don't buy it!" Katey turned back to face her and Julie flinched. "Something fishy is going on at this school. The staff is keeping secrets, and my first day here someone told me that everyone was going to die soon!"

Julie felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach, "What?"

"I don't know!" Katey shouted, throwing her hands up in the air, "But your story seemed fishy to me so I wrote it down. Not that it's done any good. I've gotten nowhere and all I can think about is-" Katey shut her mouth and turned to straighten up the stuff in her trunk.

"Drew?" Julie guessed, wondering why she cared enough to ask.

"Yeah," Katey sighed, "It just sucks when the guy you like is only interested in playing mind games."

"Or when they don't trust you," Julie conceded even though her brain was screaming that she should run away as fast as she could. This was getting really boring.

"Well, yeah," Katey turned and tilted her head, "Though you'd be the one playing the mind games to be honest."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh please. The night you were missing _Marissa_ came here looking for you. He was worried sick not to mention a complete mess because you were dragging him along while you went after R'lyeh."

"Really?" Julie asked, feeling even crappier than she had before, "That's… Oh my god. And just FYI I wouldn't be the only one. Turns out in this universe R'lyeh is a real piece of work."

"Of course he is," Katey rolled her eyes, "In this universe, his evil ways haven't been watered down by Jennifer's nether regions."

"You know what nether regions means?"

"I write a lot of porn, stupid."

"Yeah, I suppose you do," Julie said, eying the chest. "R'lyeh made up the story about the stairs. I mean, I think me and Charlotte may have actually gone down some, but we were pushed."

"R'lyeh pushed you down the stairs?" Katey whistled, "Damn. He's more evil than I thought."

"No, it wasn't him. I don't think so anyway…" Julie sat on her bed, gathering her thoughts. "Remember that poltergeist the staff mentioned towards the beginning of the term? Well, Charlotte and I were looking for it, and I think I might have let it out."

"What?"

"All I remember is something yelling a lot knocked me unconscious, and when I came to R'lyeh said I let something out and as a result people were dead. I tried to ask him what he meant but the nurse showed up and he left."

"People are already dead," Katey frowned, "That doesn't make sense. Who-," her eyes widened, "The staff members on vacation!"

"You think they're dead?" Julie was feeling more and more alarmed by the minute.

"Maybe," Katey frowned, "But that still doesn't explain what Alexandra said to me. She seemed to think everyone was already doomed, and that was long before your episode with the stairs."

"Why not just ask this Alexandra person? Is she one of the members of the Alex Inquisition?"

"No, unfortunately," Katey sighed, "She's a Mary Sue. And I'm pretty sure she was sent away after that Gary Stu attacked me."

"Well, we could ask someone else!" Julie began pacing, the gears in her head turning like they've never turned before.

"Yeah, the staff are going to open right up and tell us everything that they've worked so hard to hide from us. What about R'lyeh?"

"I think he was just telling me to freak me out. If I genuinely wanted to know he'd probably lie to me."

"Well this sucks," Katey collapsed on her bed dramatically, "We've joined forces only to come up empty."

"So we've joined forces now?" Julie sat on her bed, the range of emotions she was feeling winding her.

"Apparently," Katey sighed. "Maybe one of the remaining Mary Sues knows something?"

Julie gaped at her, "Are you kidding? They're insane! How on earth would we be able to get anything out of them?"

"Good question. It's not like anyone's cracked their code yet."

"Their code is sex," Julie paused, a lightbulb going on in her head, "And I believe we know someone whose cracked that code!"

* * *

><p>"Why the hell would you want to do that?" Kotaro turned and stared at the girls, "And since when were you two friends? I thought you hated each other!"<p>

"Oh no, we do hate each other," Julie explained.

"We're joining forces on a project for the time being, and we need your help," Katey smiled. Kotaro stared back at her and nodded in defeat.

"Excellent! Bring us one you've porked a lot so they'll be greatful and talk a lot!" Julie grinned, her mood clearly improved.

"No way!" Katey and Kotaro shouted in unison, before staring at each other and looking away in embarrassment. From the front desk Monaco shushed them, pointing to the sign telling everyone to be quiet.

The library wasn't exactly an ideal meeting place since people were always coming and going, but Julie pointed out that people would just assume they were talking about schoolwork. The last thing any of them needed was further gossip.

"There's this one – Julietta – she was pretty harmless so I think she's still around somewhere. Meet me here after the lecture on Saturday and I'll take you to where I normally found them."

"But Saturday's two days away!" Julie groaned.

"Exactly. It'll give us time to plan better and you guys and work out the kinks in your unholy alliance in the meantime," Kotaro nodded to Julie and smiled at Katey before going to the front desk to talk to Monaco.

"So, you hitting that?"

"What! No!" Katey said a little louder than intended, causing a few students to look up at her with mild interest.

"Probably for the best. He probably has a bunch of Mary Sue STDs," Julie smirked.

"I don't think they can get STDs can they? Aren't they supposed to be freakishly perfect?"

"Maybe Julietta's freakishly perfect at getting STDs, how should I know?" Julie nodded curtly, "Smell ya later K.C."

"Bite me Deutschmark."

* * *

><p>"Are you sure it's her?" Ema asked as she descended some stairs and passing through the doors of the Café.<p>

"I'm afraid so," Tori Troutman sighed, nodding towards the back before snapping another photograph. "Gilbert found her when he was cleaning up. Neither he nor Andy Kirk reported seeing any suspicious activity tonight."

"Fat lot of good that does us," Ema sighed, lifting up the tarp and sighing, "Is that her makeup?"

"Boris seemed to think so when we asked him in the hall just now. We're looking for someone who knows her better to clarify

Ema rubbed her temples, feeling a migraine coming on. "I want you to track all her movements from today. Talk to anyone who may have known where she was and when. And we'll have to proceed differently this time. We won't be able to keep this quiet."

"Understood," Tori nodded, leaving to go consult with Karin Guarez.

Ema covered up the tarp, no longer wishing to look at Morgan LeFine's body, sawed in half. On a normal day, the irony (was it actually irony? She was too tired to care) would have made her chuckle, but the bad news just kept piling on.

_Everybody Dies in Homestuck_


	8. Forced Entry

_**Author's Note:** I do not own the PPC. This is not canon to the PPC. __Victor is my creation and not an actual member of the PPC. __Please don't come after me PPC I love you._

_Tried including more IAHF characters this time around so enjoy! I apologize in advance for the half-assed seminar._

* * *

><p><strong>Part VIII<strong>

"Miss Skye is attending a school function right now," Takara looked about the room sullenly, as if unhappy that she lacked the stamina to tidy up the office more.

"It's fine," Kitty nodded, looking at her tea cautiously before venturing a sip. One could never be too careful as far as Ema Skye was concerned.

"Yes, we've just come to discuss the recent spate of murders on your campus," The strapping man sitting next to Kitty explained, flipping through a file in his lap. "We've come to understand that the news of the most recent victim has yet to reach the student body?"

"Actually it has," Takara explained, "Miss LeFine happened to die for real in the IAHF canon around the time of the incident, so we were able to use that to explain her disappearance. It helps that she tended to annoy a lot of people."

"I see," The man smiled at her, and Takara forced a smile back, not entirely sure what to make of him.

His name was Victor Middleford. An agent of the PPC, he had taken to tagging along whenever Kitty Smith came on one of her irregular visits to the campus to speak with Ema. The meetings were pretty boring, and Ema tended to simply read off of a prepared statement in order to save her mental facilities for what outrageous outfit to wear next.

He appeared normal enough, but Takara couldn't help but feel like there was something off about him. He wasn't a replacement Stu, that was for sure, and he came across as rather competent at his job. If anything was wrong with him, it was his willingness to visit the IAHF campus. A warning had been issued at Headquarters. Most Agents would normally disregard this type of thing - because what's a little extra insanity for their already addled minds? – but this time most seemed to be keeping their distance, including Agent Eledhwen Elerossiel. Takara suspected Kitty only returned to the school out of obligation to her role in the original story. And she suspected that Victor was only interested because he was young an impulsive.

"Take down your shields, Takara dear," Victor snickered, closing the folder and leaning back in his chair.

"What? Oh no, I'm just weary from being dead," Takara sighed, glad that her ghostly form could be used as an excuse for once. Ema insisted that she still perform her duties as secretary to the fullest extent, and as a result Takara would never look at a luffa the same way again.

"My condolences," Victor grinned, causing Kitty to choke on her tea.

"Anyway," Kitty coughed, face flushed, "We wanted to discuss any leads you may have on _her_ whereabouts."

"The Alex Inquisition is heading up the search party, and some of the Nerd Group and Nations are going through the evidence. At the same time, The remaining members of the G8 are still working to pinpoint what caused the divergence in our reality."

Kitty and Victor exchanged a worried glance. "There's a possibility we must bring up..." Kitty began, clearing her throat. "At other universities, there have been cases of students killing their classmates and members of the stuff after being driven to madness by the high possibility of their eminent death. Can you think of anyone who would exhibit these tendencies?"

"I don't think so," Takara frowned. "There have been cases of stress, to be sure. But I don't think anyone's cracked. And the evidence seems to tie the crimes to who we're pursuing, so we've had no reason to suspect anyone else. And before you ask, Satow and Kane haven't left their room since the timeline diverged, we've been keeping tabs on them."

"Well, tell Miss Skye to keep an eye out. If a recall, this school was the target of a series of murders the previous year as well," Victor stood up an extended his hand to Takara, who attempted to shake it, but only ended up swiping at it in vain.

"We'll be in touch!" Takara called as the agents showed themselves out. _None of our students would do anything like that would they? _Takara frowned, racking her brain. Suddenly, she remembered the recent updates, with R'lyeh killing everyone in the school over and over again on a loop.

_He wouldn't… would he?_ Takara frowned, feeling chills for the first time since she had died.

* * *

><p>"So listen up, and don't ask stupid questions, because we're not planning on answering them."<p>

"Hang on, of course we will!" Arthur scowled, snatching the microphone away from Faye. Because the seminar on _Interfandom References_ was being attended by both IAHF and OFUIAHF students, faculty members from both schools were present, as were Ema Skye and Allen Clarke, who were sitting in elaborate box seats above the students that Ema had constructed.

"And if anyone asks a question using one of our buzzwords," Ema announced excitedly, motioning to a board on the back wall reminiscent of something from Family Feud, "The people on stage will strip!"

The noises made in the crowd were mixed, and ranged from excited to see Arthur and Alfred in the buff, to sheer horror at seeing Mighty Major J and Faye Markus exposed to the elements.

"I am not stripping you freak!" Faye screamed at Ema.

"That's not what your mom said last night!"

"Don't bring my mother into this bitch!"

"Anyway…" Arthur cleared his throat, "Today we will be talking about references to other narratives in your stories without actually taking it to the level of a crossover."

"You mean like Sherlock Holmes in IAHF?" Corazan asked, causing dozens of students to immediately cheer in agreement.

"Well, yes," Mighty Major J answered, clearly puzzled. "It's stuff that Ema says was talked about a shit ton without anyone appearing or something."

"Very good," Arthur did a slow clap before continuing, "For IAHF, another example could be Phantom of the Opera. Others, like Harry Potter, Homestuck, and Twilight, have had characters appear and would be considered crossovers."

"I killed that vampire bitch!" Faye cried out, clearly having some sort of episode, "I killed that blood-sucking prostitute!"

After everyone finished cheering (save for the Twilights fans who threw wads of paper onto the stage), Alfred turned to the first slide.

"Something important to try and avoid are inside jokes," Alfred explained, adjusting his glasses, "Especially if they're unrelated to the series you're writing about. While some of your readers may understand them, it'll more likely just confuse the rest of your readers, and may even put them off from reading further."

"I don't know what you mean. It's not my division!" Deerstalker Arthur shouted from the back of the hall. A couple of students giggled, but most just stared blankly.

_Oh you poor, uncultured things, _Midori Harrison held her head in her hands, causing drum sounds to fill the room.

"Getting back on topic," Arthur began again, glaring at his aloof counterpart, "Pop culture references are rather common across almost all mediums. So it is okay to use ones that are overly-specific on occasion, but don't rely on them in lieu of actual character and plot development."

"An example that a lot of people in my press use for this is a show called Glee," Alfred explained, and proceeded to outline some of the criticisms that critics have made regarding the show's themed episodes. To the side, Faye was rubbing what appeared to be holy water on her face and reciting something about 'praying the gay away'.

"What about OFUs?" Nat Jerome asked, "There are a lot of references in IAHF that I don't understand."

"Yeah well…" Alfred and Arthur looked at each other sheepishly.

"Oh my god what is this?"

Everyone turned to stare at Faye, who began writhing on the ground in pain. Up in her booth, Ema began cackling. "It's mace bitch! Does it feel like just a condiment now?"

Mighty Major J attempted to help her up but Faye pushed him away, running off-stage and right into a wall. Alfred and Arthur paid them no mind, and moved on to the next slide.

* * *

><p>"I wish they had taught us to write about smut. That lecture was so boring!" Katey groaned.<p>

"Were you hoping to learn how to ensnare your objects of lust into a menage a trios?" James asked, shoving a microphone in her face.

"Knock it off James!" Persephone grabbed the microphone and threw it in a nearby garbage can. Katey ignored them, suddenly reminded of her idea for a sequel to _Kawaii Threesome_ where Megan becomes the school's sex therapist, and during the emotional climax gets treated for numerous STDs.

Her thoughts were interrupted as she got a text from 'Bitchface Sadgirl' which said, "K.C. wher da fuck r u?"

"I'll see you guys later. I gotta get something out of the library."

"Oh we'll go with you. We have nothing better to do."

"No, um…" Katey raced to find an excuse, "I think I'm a lesbian so I'm gonna stare at pictures of vaginas."

What was that? Katey mentally kicked herself while Persephone stared at her in surprise. James began frantically jotting down notes for the relationship board.

"Okay, have fun," Persephone shrugged. After the two girls left, Katey made her way to the library, and Kotaro and Julie were already there.

"What took you so long?" Julie snapped.

"My lesbianism apparently," Katey sighed, and Julie immediately covered her chest, "I'm not, I just kinda blurted that out when Persephone asked where I was going. I'll straighten it out later."

"Well, what we're doing next probably won't help that defense," Kotaro held up a gym bag. "I got some clothes from a plot hole. You two need to dress up like guys."

"Excuse me?" Julie asked, covering her genitals as well for some reason.

"Mary Sues, at least the ones we'll be around, don't like girls. They see them as competition for guys or something. If they think you're guys they won't hurt you."

"Yeah, they'll just try and have their way with me," Julie cried, "I won't allow them to taste my delicate flower."

"Gross" Katey gagged, "and Kotaro's their sex god. I doubt they'll pay any attention to us. Right?"

"Yeah, sure," Kotaro responded, his expression unreadable.

* * *

><p>"It happened again," Alexandria Peterson reported, handing Ema a photograph. Ema paled, gripping the photo so hard it began to tear.<p>

"It happened in the cafeteria?" Ema asked, not taking her eyes off of it.

"During the seminar. Andrew Ho said he saw them before and they were fine."

"Did anyone see?"

"Heathcliffe and Aki were looking for a spot to make out during their break. The cafeteria was supposed to be deserted until dinner preparations began at five. From what we could gather the only other person in that entered the room between the time Andrew saw them and they were found was whomever killed them."

"I've tried informing Mr. Allen but he's not picking up his cell," Alexandria Russell sighed.

Ema crumpled up the photograph and stood up. "I'll find him. You continue the search. I want her found – dead or alive!"

"Understood!" Alexandra Reynolds saluted, and the other two girls followed her out. Ema collected herself before leaving as well, passing Takara on the way.

"Takara. Send word to Karen and Hugh that Azure, Sabrina, and Kiril have been killed and dressed in pink raincoats."

"I will… It's okay to be upset you know," Takara reassured her, "They were your best friends, after all."

"I can't afford to let myself fall apart," Ema choked, "I'm running a school and I need to hunt down the person who killed them like the deranged animal she is.

"I know," Takara patted her shoulder, before turning around and heading back to the office. Ema took a deep breath and composed herself, making the long treck to Allen's room.

When she arrived, she heard moaning on the other side of the door. Panicking, she kicked it down.

"Ema what the hell?" Allen yelled, covering himself up and inadvertently knocking Shinbun-kun onto the floor, "Ever heard of knocking?"

"Sorry, I thought something had happened to you!"

"It was just about to," Shinbun-kun murmured in an annoyed tone of voice, getting back into the bed and crawling back under the sheets to cover himself up as well.

"Why did you have to think that? I have a sex life just like you! And don't try to deny it; the parrot was very explicit."

"Polly's gonna eat lead after I find the bitch who killed my friends!"

"What?" Allen sat up, looking alarmed, "Which friends?"

"All my best ones save Takara and you. I was hoping to spend my last few weeks having fun with them but now…" Ema sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down helplessly.

"Ema I'm so sorry," Allen sighed, hugging her from behind.

"And if you publish any of this I'll saw off your dick," Ema turned to Shinbun-kun, who was in the process of moping himself.

"Why would I? All it would do is create a panic at this point, and selling papers doesn't mean much if there's no future to invest the money in."

"We just have to enjoy the present while we can," Allen leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "And Ema, go find the guy you're screwing. Maybe that'll cheer you up."

"I doubt it. Charlie calls me Hugh the entire time and cries," Ema snorted, "He's a machine though. Hugh's crazy for not wanting to hit that."

"Practically everyone else has," Shinbun-kun smirked, "I heard Sara was trying to get herself a threesome a few days back but Andy was having none of it."

"Oh man, you should have seen Megan. She looked pissed," Allen laughed.

"Those two should just mud wrestle and get it over with," Ema laughed, feeling her spirits brighten. "I need to go check in with Takara. As you were gentlemen."

"And knock next time!" Allen called, before Shinbun-kun dragged him back underneath the covers.

* * *

><p>"I know you insisted, but I can only have one Romeo," Julietta Shakespeare Vargas insisted, looking at the three 'boys' in dismay.<p>

Katey tugged at her collar. The clothes Kotaro had provided them was far from the comfortable wear she had expected, and seemed to be some sort of elaborate cosplay that she wasn't familiar with. Regardless, she felt like she had lucked out on the deal, as Julie's outfit involved a rather painful-looking chest piece in order to hide her breasts.

"We don't want to fool around. We want to ask you some information," Kotaro explained. "Katey, could you..?"

"Wait, Katey?" Julietta frowned, looking Katey up and down. Suddenly her eyes widened, "It's a Trap!"

"That's offensive!" Katey snapped, punching her in the face.

"Hey now!" Julie shouted grabbing her arm, "We just wanted to get our foot in the door. We would really appreciate it if you told us everything you know."

"Fine," Julietta sniffled, deciding that Katey's hit hadn't caused any injury to her flawless face.

"Sorry," Katey murmured, "The first day I was here, this girl named Alexandra Bonnefoy told me that everyone here was going to die. Do you have any idea what that means?"

"We're not supposed to say. Her Highness Miss Skye said she'd make us into soup," Julietta nodded.

"What about the murders?" Kotaro asked, cutting Katey off before she could speak again.

Julietta's eyes widened, "You know about those?"

"Yes, we just need to be briefed, and Ema sent us here because everyone else was too busy," Julie explained.

"Oh, in that case," Julietta crossed her arms and bore an expression of deep thought, "She's some kind of Asian. Not the kawaii kind, just the normal kind. And she wears glasses and is really nerdy looking."

"Way to narrow it down," Julie rolled her eyes.

"That sounded like Jennifer Chang to me," Katey stared, "Are you saying she's the killer?"

"It also sounds like half of the students here, including you," Julie groaned.

"Sorry I couldn't help you," Julietta shrugged, "Hope you enjoy the time that's left!"

"Wait, what does that mean?" Kotaro shouted, attempted to grab Julietta, but she sprinted off.

"Forget I said anything!"

* * *

><p>"Well. that was a huge waste of time," Julie sighed, flopping down on her bed.<p>

"We know it's not all in our heads, if that's something?" Katey shrugged. "And Kotaro stayed behind to talk to that other Sue, so maybe he'll find out something."

"Or maybe he'll come back with a case of Mary Sue Herpes," Julie yawned. "In fact, he probably will. He wasn't at dinner, and Ninja Kiku said he never came back to the boat."

"I'm pretty sure he's doing Opium below deck with Pirate Arthur, if all the drugs and paraphernalia are any indication."

"You know what paraphernalia means K.C.?"

"Fuck you. And why do you keep calling me K.C.?"

"It's the initials of 'Crazy Katey' backwards," Julie began nodding off, "Ya know, to make it crazier."

"Well that makes sense," Katey huffed, feeling the need to escape the smug atmosphere.

Up on deck, other students were just returning from dinner. A lot of people were missing that night, specifically James – whom Persephone said was working on the relationship board – as well as all the boys except for Enlai Li.

"Katey, there you are," Persephone ran over, breath haggard, "Damn you Ema! Why can't I have cool nature powers."

"Did you try to summon the Greek gods again?"

"No!" Persephone looked indignant, and then switched back to concerned, "Remember how you're not a lesbian?"

"It's good that you reminded me because I might have relapsed."

"Ha ha. Did you remember to tell James?"

Katey snorted, "She seemed so excited that I didn't have the heart to tell her."

"That wasn't smart. Because she apparently was showing people her chart this afternoon," Persephone crossed her arms, looking very Victoria-like, "Including Drew."

"What?" Katey stared at her, "Why would she do that?"

"You know her! She feeds off relationship drama like a parasite!"

Katey felt her stomach drop. No wonder he had been absent from dinner. _He probably thinks I've been screwing with him. Fuck._

"Do you know where he went?"

"Drew's in our room with Chris," Katey and Persephone jumped as Martin appeared seemingly out of nowhere. He bore the distinct look of someone who had stopped caring about basic hygene, causing everyone to veer around him as they headed below-deck. "He was pretty upset."

Katey turned and ran down the stairs, nearby knocking Charlotte down them in the process. Katey ignored her screams of anger and kept running, nearly bowling over Chris.

"Was that really necessary?" He grunted in pain, picking himself up off the ground and offering Katey his hand.

"Sorry about that. Have you seen Drew?" Katey said in one breath.

"Yeah, I was just with him," Chris admitted, avoiding eye contact, "He's in his room."

"Do you think he'd been willing to talk to me? I'm not a lesbian. James is just a drama queen."

"You're not-" Chris's face flushed and he looked away again, "Oh."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. It's just-" Chris waved his hand, "It's nothing. I just need to think about some things. That's all."

"Are you sure?" Katey frowned, her drive to see Drew pressing on the back of her mind.

"Yeah. Go see Drew. You guys need to work things out already."

"Hopefully we will!" Katey forced a smile and rushed past, reaching Drew's room a moment later.

"Drew!" Katey knocked on the door, "Can I come in? I need to talk to you!"

"Fine," Katey heard him say curtly from behind the door. She opened it, and found Drew laying on his bed staring at the ceiling.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I'm not gay!"

"You're-" Drew sat up and stared at Katey, "No, of course you're not." He began laughing, hitting his fist against an already dented wall, "You were just fucking with me some more."

"I'm not fucking with you!"

"Oh please!" Drew snapped, "I LIKE YOU KATEY. I really suck at showing it but for some reason I do! Even after the past few days which have been like a living hell!"

"If you like me you should have _said something_," Katey snapped back, "And if the term 'friendzoned' comes up in this conversation even _once_ I will drown you in the lake!"

"I would have been fine with being your friend!" Drew choked, "I've never liked anyone before so I didn't know what I was supposed to do! But then you started hanging out with Kotaro and I thought I didn't have a shot!"

"Me and Kotaro are just friends!" Katey said, ignoring the pang in the back of her chest, "Drew. I've liked you since I first met you! Why does this have to be so difficult?"

"I don't know!" Drew shouted, before grabbing her by the shoulder and pulling her into a kiss.

All the emotions they had been suppressing just came boiling to the surface, and by the time the kiss was broken they were both crying. It was hardly how she imagined it happening. She had imagined some sort of long, romantic evening cumulating at the foot of the stairway leading up to her front door, where the handsome prince would brush back her hair, tell her she was beautiful, and sensually bring his face close to her's until their lips met. Then fireworks would go off and church bells would ring.

"That was a terrible first kiss," Katey sobbed.

"I know. We're a mess!" Drew sobbed back.

Eventually they calmed down and just lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Well, Drew had calmed down at least. Katey could still feel her pulse racing, and her emotions were still a giant mess even though they no longer painted her face. Martin came back sometime later with a wine bottle he had clearly stolen from below deck. Katey took that as her cue to leave, and ducked out, promising to talk to Drew more tomorrow.

Katey walked back to her room, settling into a good mood. After all the crap that's happened, something good finally happened. True, it happened in a haze of angst and tears, but it seemed like a positive event nonetheless.

"Katey?"

Katey looked up to see Kotaro approaching from down the hall. "Hey! Where have you been?"

"Talking to Venezia. Have you been crying?"

"Yeah. Good tears though." Katey grinned, "I think I might be getting a boyfriend!"

"Really?" Katey saw something flicker momentarily in Kotaro's eyes. "That's great. I'm sure James will be thrilled."

"That reminds me," Katey cracked her knuckles. "Where is her room again? I want to _show_ her how much I've _appreciated_ her help today.

* * *

><p>"No signs of forced entry," Karin Guarez observed as Tori Troutman continued to take notes in her notepad.<p>

"Are you sure he's not just out somewhere?" Gregory Bob Walton sighed, "I mean, it does have a lot of friends for some strange reason."

"And none of them have seen him in the past twenty four hours," Tori pointed out. "And his roommate was stoned and didn't notice anything, so for our purposes he vanished into thin air."

"It doesn't make him look too good either," Karin added, "Kitty and Victor are going to have a field day with this."

"You're right," Gregory nodded, "Right after R'lyeh is asked to come in for questioning, he disappears? Doesn't exactly scream innocent."

"Wherever he is we need to find him!" Alexandria Russell shouted from the hall, "Ema wants her perp found, and I don't want to think about what she'll do to us if we don't find him!"

"We need to start questioning people," Tori flipped through her notebook. "Does anyone know what Julie Dratchetnburg was doing today?"


	9. Tell Me That You Love Me

_**Author's Note:** Trigger warning for violence and stuff. You know, the usual fare._

_I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone's who submitted a character and have been leaving reviews. You guys rock and every single one is hugely appreciated!_

_Also, if you haven't read it already, check out Lily Winterwood's new OFU "**MBSFA: A Caper in Crimsun**" if you're a fan of BBC Sherlock!_

* * *

><p><strong>Part IX<strong>

James' mysterious stair injury only further damaged Charlotte's fear of what she called the 'declining plateaus of death'. The rest of the student body took to this development with glee, and it was now customary for everyone to greet Charlotte with "I warned you about those stairs, bro." The paranoia escalated to the point where she refused to sleep below-deck and instead settled herself on one of the new life boats that Annejo Ikm had forced Ema to install.

That aside - For everyone else it was just a relief that some of the relationship drama was over.

"James was driving me nuts!" Persephone groaned, thumbing through a book on Greek mythology. "I was this close to putting some kind of Ancient curse on her."

"Oh please," Katey rolled her eyes. "Ema didn't give you nature powers, so she certainly didn't give you the power to curse anyone."

"Just you wait. Any day now, Julie's ass is gonna start growing like a weed."

"Come on. Julie's not that bad," Katey sighed, drawing shocked stares from the rest of the table. "What? We buried the hatchet okay?"

"It's official. We've seen everything," Chris held his coffee up and took a drink. He'd been lacking enthusiasm as of late, and Katey attributed it to Corazon's continued ignorance of his existence.

"We haven't seen the end of these tests though," Drew mumbled, flipping through his book. "Normally I like the weird stuff but this is just so out there."

"My favorite parts _are_ the really weird stuff," Persephone grinned, holding up a picture of Hera striking down one of Zeus' many lovers. "It says here that Zeus got a woman pregnant, panicked, and swallowed her. He later gave birth to Athena after she split open his forehead."

"I have a headache right now. Guess I'm pregnant!" Exasperated, Drew closed his book and stuffed it in his bag. "I need to go to the bathroom. Can you guys watch my stuff?"

"Of course," Katey gave him a peck on the cheek before he left.

"Kiss for luck in his bowel movement?" Persephone gagged. "Gross."

"In a couple of years you're going to be gross with someone special too."

"Special is the right word," Persephone frowned, gathering up her things. "I need to go finish my paper on Zeus and Leto. And while I do find it interesting, it is a bit weird that we're studying this in _The Art of Shipping_."

"That's because Anita and Stanley are pulling the lessons out of their ass," Chris mumbled, "If Kitty hadn't split a couple of classes in, maybe we'd be doing silly stuff like in IAHF's _Platonic Love_ class."

"Maybe," Persephone shrugged, before walking off to head below deck. She was momentarily stopped by Charlotte, and Katey watched them talk for a moment before Persephone managed to get away.

"So Chris," Katey leaned back in her chair, "What were you freaking out about yesterday?"

"Freaking out? I don't – I don't know what you mean."

"Mein Gott! You're a terrible liar! What's going on?"

"Is everything okay?" Katey turned to see Corazon clutching a textbook, oblivious to the red flush that just spread across Chris's face.

"Everything's fine. H-How are you?" Chris stammered. Katey tilted her head, unsure of what to make of his nervousness.

"I was hoping to catch Persephone. She's the expert on all this Greek stuff and I really need help for this class."

"Chris can help you!" Katey suggested, causing Chris jump and knock one of his books off the table.

Corazon raised an eyebrow, "Does he know a lot about Greek Mythology?"

"Oh he knows tons," Katey giggled, "He was just telling me this funny story about Zeus eating his lovers."

"Fun," Corazon frowned. She turned to look at Chris, who jumped again. "Can you meet me in the library after classes tomorrow? I promised Enlai I'd help with an Intervention for Martin."

"Yeah, it seems like it's time. Maybe you can do Charlotte next?" Katey gagged, watching Charlotte empty a stool bucket over the side of the ship.

* * *

><p>"Allen was right! This is just what I needed!" Ema cheered, rolling over onto some papers on her desk. "I could really go for some FroYo right now. How about we take five and recharge, then go another round?"<p>

"Sure," Charlie gasped, even more out of breath. Ema had dragged the red-head in during lunch and they had spent the better part of an hour forgetting the stresses and responsibilities of their lives. "While you're up, could you get me a water bottle?"

"Yeah sure!" Ema waved, pulling on her flamboyantly pink robe and closing the door.

"Ema, there you are!"

"I'm a woman with needs!" Ema shouted back on reflex, almost causing Takara to spiral back into the hallway.

"Yes, of course. I was just coming to report on the search, but if you're busy-"

"Never busy for updates!" Ema shook her head, "Sorry for snapping just now. Reflex. I think Lucas has given me a complex."

"It's fine." Takara scrunched up her face in concentration, pulling a photograph from the bag she had dropped on her way in, "Another body has been found. Get this – It's Foscarini."

"Foscarini?" Ema sat up, snatching the photo away. "But he died in our timeline. How is that possible?"

"He came back as a ghost. Like I did," Takara explained, "Oh the edge of campus, there's a whole colony of ghosts. Characters that have died in the canon gathered together. It's where I came from when this world was reformed."

"Really? Why wasn't I informed of this? I'm the Course Coordinator!"

"You were, Ema. Remember? I put a form on your desk the first week."

"Was it blue and important looking?"

"Yes, it was actually."

"Yeah…" Ema winced. "I had to throw that out. Don't ask."

"I never do," Takara snickered, looking over Ema's shoulder and at the door to her office.

"But wait, what other characters were there? I don't remember a lot of people dying before my tenure…"

"It's Mary Sues mostly," Takara wrinkled her nose. "Remember when Dirk made those clones of the entire student body? All the ghosts are there, and they're a huge pain in the ass. How Foscarini could stand it I'll never understand."

"So wait, do you think she's hiding out there?"

"Nope. We went to check it out and that's when we found Foscarini's remains. He evaporated a few minutes later. We're waiting for Kitty and Victor to come and tell us what the PPC thinks happened."

"Evaporated? Wait, how does someone kill a ghost anyway?"

"That's a good question. One I think everyone would like to know the answer to," Takara looked down nervously, "Like I said, the team checked the area and there was no sign of her. But apparently the Sue ghosts have been seducing some of our staff."

Ema stared at her, "I'm sorry. Run that by me again. Ghosts are seducing staff?"

"We sent Aki Chung-Feng in first to check it out. When she didn't come out the rest of the party went in to see what happened, and found her with Ghost Lucia Sue."

"Oh god. Are you serious?" Ema choked with laughter.

"Yeah. Ghosts can touch solid objects if they _really_ want to, and I guess they _really _want to," Takara began laughing as well, "That's not even the best part! You know how we thought Alexander Morris wasn't here? Well, he's apparently been in the company of Ghost Taylor Stu the past few weeks."

"That's it. I'm dead," Ema gasped out, finding it hard to breathe. After a few minutes, she managed to compose herself. "Anyway, how are ghosts being killed anyway? And _evaporation_?"

"Neither Hetalia nor IAHF have it written in canon how spirits are exterminated. So when he died again, his spirit just stopped existing because this plain of existence didn't know what to do with him," Takara frowned, "As for how he died, that's for the PPC to figure out."

"Here's hoping they do figure it out. If she can kill ghosts, none of us stand a chance." Ema glanced at the clock, "I need to hurry if I want to get my FroYo on. Don't want Charlie to wander off before I get back."

"That reminds me," Takara asked, lightly blushing in the way only a ghost could lightly blush, "Tino and Berwald are still on that Damn Island, and some of the other staff have been asking about the sexual education seminar-"

"Oh yeah, that's pretty vital with these perverts isn't it?" Ema spoke on her way out, "Get Elizabeta to set up a joint session with my students, okay?"

"Yes ma'am," Takara saluted. Once she was sure her boss was gone, Takara took a peek through the wall at Ema's gentleman caller, and her blush grew darker.

* * *

><p>"I told you!" Julie smacked her fist against the table, "I haven't seen R'lyeh since I fell down those stairs!"<p>

"Then tell us where you snuck off to yesterday after the lecture, and you'll be free to go," Victor explained, continuing his pacing. Nearby, Kitty Smith was leaning against the wall attempting to look tough, but she appeared completely out of her element.

"I told you! I was in the library studying!"

"Miss Monaco didn't see you there," Victor sat on the table and folded his arms, "And from what I understand she is organized enough to keep track of something like that."

"I don't know! Maybe she got distracted by a poker game or something?" Julie flailed, growing increasingly frustrated.

"I suppose…" Kitty shrugged, not looking terribly convinced.

"I'm telling the truth," Julie snapped, rapidly losing confidence in her delivery.

"Like you keep saying," Victor replied, drumming his fingers on the table. Before he could say more, there was a knock at the door.

"What is it? We're kind of busy here!"

"We've been waiting on you guys to come do the autopsy for ages!" Ryosuke Nakayama shouted.

"Fine! We'll be right there!" Kitty shouted back, while Victor cuffed Julie to the interrogation table.

"We'll be back in a couple of hours. Try rethinking your story," Victor told her before they left. Julie snarled in anger, vowing not to give this smug bastard anything.

Though when night fell and no one came to check on her, her tune wasn't quite so defiant.

* * *

><p>Jennifer couldn't sleep.<p>

The sights of her friends, lying on the ground dead, had burned itself into her retinas. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Merka, Kriss, and Shoste dead and bleeding on the floor, or Franklin lying dead with cake flowing out of his mouth and the knife used to cut it lodged in his boyfriend's back.

The rest of the G8 wasn't faring much better. Megan, Charlie, Sara, and Loki had buried themselves in their work, only leaving the room to eat, sleep, or have the occasional booty call. Jennifer wasn't sure what exactly they were doing, but a number of significant others began looking just as miserable.

They all came to visit and see how she was holding up though. Michael tried once, in vain, to get her to pray with him. He must have passed the message on to Lucas, because he didn't suggest anything like it when he popped in for a spell with Karen and Alice Wang. The four of them were eerily reminded of the series of murders that had taken place the previous year, but unlike last time, they couldn't come up with a plan to stop the culprit.

The only ones whose visits she didn't appreciate came courtesy of the PPC. Kitty and Victor were all business, and made her recount the story several times before Workbitch arrived and threw them out. He came and checked oh her every day, which only made her remember how much she missed him.

"Workbitch?" Jennifer asked, hearing the familiar footsteps of his shoes on the staff room hallways floors.

By the time she peeked out the door he was gone, but on the floor lay a note with a Red Camellia lying across it. Picking them both up gingerly, she opened the letter.

_After everything that's happened, I would understand if you chose to ignore this letter. But after all that has happened I just can't let you go so easily. I want to spend whatever time I have left with you, and if you feel the same, please meet me where we first met. I'll be waiting. -WB_

A number of emotions flashed through Jennifer's mind. Regret about the relationship not working out the first time around. Rage at the words they exchanged at Thanksgiving when they broke up. But above all, she felt the urge to rush over to the Italian corridor and leap into his arms.

She pulled on her slippers and made her way past the other rooms, careful not to wake anyone and cause any sort of panic. In the back of her mind, she knew a bunch of the staff were off investigating something over on the edge of campus, but she knew many were still here and didn't want to take any chances.

* * *

><p>"You're free to go."<p>

Julie woke up and saw the blurry figure of a conflicted-looking Heathcliffe Sarutobi holding the door open. Her hand was no longer cuffed to the table, and she stumbled to her feet.

"I'm sorry?"

"You're free to go. Agents Middleford and Smith are currently caught up in something else and sent me back to release you."

"Did they find R'lyeh?"

"No idea," Heathcliffe shrugged, "I was kinda distracted by my girlfriend making out with a ghost girl."

"…Okay then," Julie responded, walking past him and deciding she didn't want to know what he meant. Heathcliffe turned and began following her.

"Um, I don't need an escort."

"Policeman Arthur insisted that you have one. The perimeters aren't exactly secure right now."

"Well, yeah," Julie crossed her arms, "This place is crawling with Mary Sues."

"I wasn't talking about them," Heathcliffe shut the door and looked around warily, "It's so much worse than a Mary Sue."

* * *

><p>When she reached the cafeteria Jennifer averted her eyes, still shaken by the murders that happened there too, and began walking in the direction of the Latin classroom. She silently thanked Hugh Fraser for dragging that wall out of there when they initially left. Nothing would ruin this reunion like a dead empire making catcalls.<p>

When she reached the door, she grasped for something to say. Should she just stay quiet and listen to what he had to say? _Yeah, that's probably a good idea_, Jennifer thought, typing up all the anxiety in her head and stuffing it in a corner.

When she opened the door though, she knew something was very wrong. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, but she soon spotted the heap lying on the floor.

"Workbitch!" Jennifer lunged forward, flipping him on his back. It appeared that he had been hit over the head by something, and his forehead was bleeding heavily.

"Jennifer," He choked, and Jennifer felt her spirits rise.

"Workbitch!" She cried, burying her face in his jacket, "Stay with me. I'm going to go get help! I promise!"

"Jennifer! Run!" He choked out.

Jennifer heard a door slam behind her. An instant feeling of horror took over her entire body, and the voice behind her only confirmed her fears.

"Oh gawd. Dis bitch is here too. Why couldn't it have been another hot British guy? Like Jawn maybe?"

"You…" Jennifer stood up, staring at the girl who looked like a mirror reflection of herself, feeling a rage fill her entire being. "You've been killing my friends!"

"Those idiots? I got bored with them," The girl sighed dramatically, "I should have quit my involvement with this place when I had the chance. Sherlock and Homestuck is where it's at now. Too bad the Homestuck OFU never got off the ground."

"What are you babbling about?" Jennifer demanded, though she realized that it explained why Loki's school was nowhere to be found. The story hadn't been written yet!

"I mean," The girl sneered, "I should've stopped writing about you and your stupid friends a long time ago."

"So, Miss Winterwood, what was your plan then?" Jennifer asked, sweating bullets. She began angling towards the door, silently praying she could keep the author distracted by her own ramblings for long enough.

"It's quite simple actually. Once this alternate timeline formed, I saw my chance to revise all my crap. CHRISPY IS THAT YOU?" Lily turned in the direction of the door and snarled at a rather cheesy looking poster of Franklin Mycroft Livingston saying 'Carpe Diem.' "CHRISPY I WILL NEVAH LET U GO 5EVERZ!"

"That's not _Chrispy_, that's a picture of my friend Franklin," Jennifer shouted, feeling the memories of that horrific day come rushing back. "He was my friend and you killed him! You stuffed him full of cake until he died!"

"Mycroft does love his cake," Lily giggled.

"You sick bitch!"

"Bitch I have a gun!" Lily proclaimed smugly, pulling a large rifle out of her pants. "And so help me if you don't listen to my shipping feels I will pop a cap in your saggy ass!"

Jennifer gulped, taking a step back, "Okay."

"I'm so glad I went the darker route with you," Lily's face twisted into a grin. "Did you know that that ugly Z-fighter was originally found guilty? But my friend Meggies reminded me that the law doesn't work that way, so I rewrote it!" Lily cackled, and swung the gun around the room, "That's how all this was possible! The crack I made there gave me an opportunity months later, and all the timey-wimey bullshit made it a thousand times easier! That stupid demon girl was looking for what caused this right? Sucks to be her! She was looking in the entirely wrong place!"

Jennifer looked at Workbitch, who seemed to be struggling to stay conscious, before she remembered something. "Joke's on you!" She grinned, "After the Cafeteria murders, Ema Skye had Kiku's security cameras reinstalled all over the school! We're currently being watched by my classmates, and there's probably a rescue party just on the other side of that door!"

"Oh really?" Lily's grin remained intact, and she looked up at a small device in one of the ceiling corners, "You mean those two idiots at the monitors?"

Jennifer felt her stomach drop, "What did you do to them?"

"What the fuck do you think I did?" Lily cackled, making faces at the camera, "I wanted an audience, but I didn't want anyone to come interrupt my fun. Hey Benedict!" She shouted, flailing her body in a manner that suggested she was trying to dance seductively. "If you're watching, get a load of these moves! I'm your number one Cumberbitch baby!"

Jennifer took the opportunity to make a break for the door. No sooner had she got her hand on the knob when she felt a sharp overwhelming pain enter her back and spread throughout her entire body.

"Now that's not very nice!" Jennifer felt Lily grab her and flip her over. Once she saw the blood she realized she had been shot. Across the room, Workbitch was crying out.

"You won't get away with this," Jennifer gasped, "Someone will hear us. They'll find you."

"I doubt it. My friend made sure to keep everyone who would be awake completely busy," Lily squealed with the enthusiasm of a girl who saw her OTP in real life.

Jennifer was feeling herself growing weary. _This is it. I'm dying. _She thought bitterly to herself, looking up at the twisted reflection that was responsible for everything. Not only for the deaths of her friends, but for every misfortune she had ever suffered since her entrance to the school. Almost drowning in the lake. Being locked in a cell by nutcase Nations. Sexually assaulted in the school hallway.

"No!" Jennifer shouted, summoning all of her remaining strength and lunging at Lily. The authoress was caught by surprise, and her gun was immediately knocked away, but she quickly gained the upper hand. Before she knew it, Jennifer found the girl's hands around her neck, and everything became increasingly more blurry.

"You're nothing!" Lily shouted, pushing Jennifer against the wall and gripping harder. "Just a pathetic girl who went off to live in a fantasy land because she's too stupid to do anything else. I'm so much more than you'll ever be! I created this place ho! I AM A GOD!"

A loud bang, and Jennifer felt the hands disappear from her throat and her body hit the floor violently, and was sure she felt something break.

Lily was grasping her chest, blood pooling on the ground below her, as she stumbled around, both girls locked eyes with Workbitch, who was weakly holding his head and right arm up high enough to aim the gun.

"I should have written a Sherlock OFU," Lily spat, before Workbitch shot another round at her head, and she collapsed onto the ground dead.

"Jennifer!" Workbitch shouted, "Jennifer!"

"I'm so sorry Workbitch!" Jennifer couldn't move, and felt tears swell up in her eyes, "I'm so sorry for everything!"

"I'm the one who should be sorry!" He replied, his voice sounding less forced than before but no less pained, "Jennifer, I love you! I should have never let you go! I don't want to leave you! I don't want to die and forget you!"

"Don't shout," Jennifer cried, cursing herself for wasting energy on tears, "You need to save your strength!"

"She shot me too!" He choked back, and Jennifer realized he was also crying, "I tried to tell you but! Jennifer, I'm so sorry!"

"It's not your fault!" Jennifer began breathing heavily, feeling herself grow noticeably weaker, "What was it that Loki said…"

"Loki says lots of things." Jennifer heard a dragging noise, and she realized Workbitch was trying to move somewhere.

"About the memories," She answered, "I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget how much I loved you. That in this moment I loved you."

"She said you need to go to sleep," Workbitch replied.

"Sleep…" Jennifer whispered, closing her eyes and feeling the tears that pooled in her eyes run down her cheek. She felt something grab her hand, and then she gave herself over to sleep.

The next morning, in the wee hours before any sane person would willingly pull themself from sleep, Arthur Kirkland got lost on his way to the cafeteria and found their bodies. After the pandemonium that followed, the one thing everyone noticed above all else on the tape wasn't the ramblings of a writer gone mad. It was a boy that, while facing his own death, dragged himself 50 feet just to hold the hand of the girl he loved one last time.


	10. Mein Gott

_**Author's Note:** Trigger warning for bad descriptions of violence and sex._

_I know its been forever since I've updated but I've actually been working on this for around two weeks and I'm still not entirely happy with it. Anyway, with this chapter we kick off the third and final major story arc of OFUIAHF, and I hope you enjoy it!_

_Also, I now an an AO3 account under the same username and I'll post this fic on there at some point. My other fics are already up there._

* * *

><p><strong>Part X<strong>

"This is going to be a disaster," Gilbert muttered to himself, surveying the crowd in front of him. Next to him on stage, Elizabeta was preparing for the presentation with Sara and Megan. Both girls were still recovering from the shock of the recent spate of deaths, and as a result were on a number of self-subscribed substances that made their behavior completely unpredictable.

It wasn't long after Jennifer, Workbitch, and Lily Winterwood were found, than the bodies of Ashton West and MiMi Sonhart were discovered in the camera control room, the word 'Rache' carved into one of the monitors. KyAnna had actually found them in the middle of the night, but in her irrational grief she decided to go out on campus and glue herself to a tree for some reason.

The worst part though was probably the hunt for who everyone concluded was the person helping Lily Winterwood. Shortly before killing Ashton, she had dismembered R'lyeh and scattered his remains around campus, leaving clues to where each part was located using Sherlock trivia.

And while Dr. Sigmund Freud was having a great deal of fun probing KyAnna's mind, the rest of the staff was grappling with finding closure for everything that had transpired that night.

"Everyone ready to learn about Fucking?" Megan shouted, causing everyone in the room to jump, dragging Gilbert out of his reflective thoughts. "Okay good. Seeing as I'm the expert in sex, I'll be doing most of the talking."

"Excuse me?" Sara snapped, "I believe we're all very qualified to speak on the subject. You're just the only one who doesn't believe in doing it with the same person more than once!"

"You're just jealous because I won't hit that again," Megan smirked.

"Enough you two!" Elizabeta snapped, stepping in between them. "If you don't start getting along, so help me I will beat you unconscious with my frying pan!"

"Trust me, you don't want that!" Gilbert smirked. Some of the staff in the stands winced and touched their heads gingerly.

"Whatever," both girls said at the same time, turning away from each other.

"So to begin, I'd like to clarify that we'll be going over three separate sections," Elizabeta clapped her hands together and surveyed the audience, "Relations between characters of the male sex, characters of the female sex, and characters of each sex."

"Will there be fucking onstage?" James called, before being dragged off by a large, irritated mochi.

"This is not demonstrational," Elizabeta frowned, "And because of the scope of this topic we won't be able to get into everything. Should you like to learn more, I suggest you read the two seminars in the IAHF story or do some research on your own."

"Or just have sex. I mean, you really should. It's fun." Blaise Asmodée directed a shit-eating grin as some of the more introverted students, earning him an array of dirty looks from practically everyone.

_If that guy's getting sex, then these students really have no standards,_ Gilbert thought to himself, before speaking up. "Contrary what some may lead you to believe, there isn't a magical age when you'll begin having sex all the time. A lot of people haven't done anything when they've reached well above your age, so don't feel like you're a loser because of it."

"That's just because you're basically the forever alone of nations," Ivan Stern called from the back, "I mean, you joined Francis in stripping Roderich because you're an insecure twat!"

"I warned you!" Elizabeta yelled, holding up her frying pan threateningly. Ivan turned to rush out the doors, but was blobbed by Hungry.

Gilbert cleared his throat, ignoring the insecurity creeping up. "Now, I'd like to assume everyone knows the basics. How babies are created and stuff. But is there anyone who isn't clear on that?"

"MPreg is so kawaii!" Someone shouted from the back. Hungary looked around menacingly but couldn't identify who said it.

"In that case, I'd like to turn the discussion over to Miss Parker, whose prepared a short Powerpoint on how pregnancy is often written poorly in just about all of your stories," Gilbert nodded to Sara, who flipped on the projector and began reading off slides.

And read…

And read…

"This is so boring!" Megan groaned halfway through. Gilbert didn't want to inflame whatever was going on between them, but he had to agree on this point. Sara had managed to take a topic that would normally be rife with inappropriate giggling and screams of horror and made it so boring that half the student body had fallen asleep.

"Hey, I worked all night on this thing!" Sara snapped.

"Mein Gott," Gilbert muttered, drawing some stares from around the room. Elizabeta tilted her head at him as if to say, _Really Gilbert? Really?_

"Then I guess we can all just move onto the gay sex since that's all anyone seems to care about!" Sara glared at Gilbert. Cheers erupted from the audience, causing everyone else to wake up.

"I suppose we could do that first…" Elizabeta frowned. "I'd like to reiterate a few points going in-"

"I do not have a five meter dick!" Gilbert shouted over her, "I get why you guys find it funny but when you describe it that way in smut I feel like a serial killer!"

"And my vagina doesn't have teeth thank you very much!" Megan shouted as well, "I'm going to find whoever wrote that and kick their ass!"

"You might have some other stuff to be mad at first," Hungary sighed, "We have some writing samples from student works, as well as some intentionally bad prose written specifically for this exercise."

Gilbert snorted, remembering some of the samples he and the other staff members had come up with. In the hour after Kiku broke out the Sake, they wrote what could perhaps be regarded as some of the most offensive material known to man.

And boy was it offensive.

"I didn't lay eggs on her stomach!" Lucia Verdas shouted about thirty minutes later. Most of the room was shaking now, and Megan had just finished reading aloud a sample about the two of them.

"I don't think we need to elaborate on what was wrong with that one, do you?" Elizabeta groaned. Nearby, Susanna Black-White was vomiting into a paper bag.

Only a few more, Gilbert grinned, snatching one of the last few slips.

_The stormy night came as the house shook. Lest I soon know that I would have came as well._

"_Oh Nihon!" Lucy Robinson-Honda cried out moistly, touching my body roughly. "Your lady lumps are so delicious. I just want to rub them with lotion."_

"_Please let me go!" I cried out, looking for some means of escape._

"_Not until we scissor," Lucy flipping me upside down and mashing our vaginas together._

"I would never be that rough with any version of Nihon," Lucy cried out in indignation. Several staff members looked at her with skepticism.

"Can anyone tell me what was wrong with that one?" Elizabeta asked.

"For one thing, it defies physics," Victoria answered immediately. "'Nihon' was upside down, so what did she do? Fly up to get their vaginas to 'mash together'?"

"That's one of the most obvious parts yes," Elizabeta nodded, "Anything else?"

"How does someone cry out 'moistly'?" Malicious One asked, curled up on Jack Ochoa's head. Onstage, Gilbert clasped his hand over Megan's mouth.

"And the grammar is weird," Mya Carter added. "And there's a speaking verb missing from the last sentence!"

"This is good. But there's one key thing we're missing here." Gilbert surveyed the audience, and sighed when no one raised their hand. "The way she was tied up makes no sense. If she was able to be turned upside down then that means she would have to be tied to a board or something that could rotate. But if that were the case then Lucy would likely be sliced in half as soon as she jumped up."

Several students shuddered, and a couple of staff looked particularly disturbed. A moment later Gilbert realized that they were probably remembering Morgan LeFine's murder.

"One more and I think we're good!" Gilbert turned to Sara, "Anything in there less violent?"

"Here's one!" Sara held up a slip of paper and cleared her throat.

"_Are you ready?" Hugh nibbled on his neck, causing the redhead to become even more flustered._

"_I need it Hughie," Charlie let out in a low growl, "I need to so badly."_

"_Oh my god!" The two men turned to see Lucas standing in the doorway, a horrified expression on his face, "You started without me? After I spent all me booty on body glitter?"_

"No!" Lucas cried out, punching Charlie in the shoulder. Next to him, Karen was on the floor choking with laughter.

"Um…" Gilbert cleared his throat, "Does anyone-?"

"There wasn't really anything wrong with it per se," Victoria explained, "It just seemed really out of character for Lucas. What is he, a metrosexual pirate?"

"A Butt Pirate! Lucas's body was made for Dirk!" Someone cried from the audience.

"I'm not a Butt Pirate! And it certainly was not! It was made to- Auugh! These godforsaken religious censors!" Lucas sat back down, looking extremely unhappy.

"Maybe one more?" Elizabeta asked, "That last one didn't really have much."

"I got one!" Megan held one up, a devilish grin spreading across her face. Gilbert had a very bad feeling about this.

"_But if she finds out about this-" The blonde whispered as she felt the brunette's hands run across her exposed flesh._

"_She was never good at sex anyway," She whispered back, biting her tongue before pushing her up against the wall and kissing all the way down her neck towards the blonde's boulevard of broken dreams._

"_Oh Lila! Make love to me like Sara never could!" Faye cried out, as she-_

"What?" Faye screamed frown the audience bowling people over to get to the stage. Around her, students and faculty looked rather thrown, while the Kirk siblings turned a sickly shade of green.

"I'm not good at sex?" Sara yelled, looking equally upset and shaking her fist at Megan. "You wrote that! I know you did!"

"Why would I do such a thing? I hit it and quit it and I think I made my feelings about it pretty clear without some disturbing fetish story," Megan smirked

"Disturbing fetish story is right!" Faye screamed, "That is the most vile thing I've ever heard in my life! And I live in a country of godless heathens!"

"Shut up Faye!" Megan and Sara yelled back, circling one another.

"We need to settle this," Sara growled, "What do you think we should do?"

"Sex contest!" Ema shouted from the crowd. Gilbert and Elizabeta glared at her as they tried to calm the girls down.

"Today's lecture is over!" Gilbert announced. "On your way out you will find a packet of information on topics covered today as well as additional information. A week from today you will all return to this room for a test."

The students groaned, and stood up to leave. Onstage, Faye continued screaming obscenities until a group of mochi blobbed her and dragged her away.

"Brain bleach, I need brain bleach!" Lila cried out. Andy didn't look much better, and Gilbert instantly began dreading the wreckage he would be working with later at the café.

"Now ladies," Ema swopped in, clearly enjoying this turn of events. "My earlier suggestion was a joke, but I do think you should hash out these issues somehow."

"What's the point?" Sara snapped, "We're all going to be dead soon! With or without that crazy bitch running around and killing all of our friends!"

"Maybe they should have a session with Dr. Freud?"

"No!" Both girls shouted at Loki, who uncharacteristically shrunk back.

"I'm out of here!" Megan flipped her hair back and stomped offstage. Gilbert noticed some angry tears running down her face, but he remained silent.

"Me too!" Sara shouted back, looking similarly upset. She pulled Andy into an angry hug, clearly cutting off his circulation.

"Things can't keep going on like this," Ema sighed, and Gilbert realized she was talking to him. Loki and Allison Frazier began to try to pry Sara off of Andy, and Elizabeta was doing her best to calm down Faye Markus. Everyone else was beginning to scatter – Peter and Kira leading the charge with an extremely winded Lila.

"But what can we do? Sara's right. Lily Winterwood may be dead but we're still going to die anyway," Gilbert shivered, remembering some of the fanfiction he had read that ended in his untimely death.

"It's not just them," Ema admitted. "Yuki-rin and Cain are getting pretty bad too. And Ursula Klevins is arguing with practically everyone."

"Ursula Klevins has based her whole life on doing that though," Gilbert snorted.

"This is different though," Ema frowned. "Everyone's starting to crack. Takara told me that some students at other universities have begun killing their classmates. I'm afraid that that might start happening here too."

"It did with R'lyeh," Gilbert replied. "After what happened with him… No one's going to try anything, I'm sure of it."

"I hope you're right," Ema looked down at the ground. "I just wish I could spare everyone somehow."

* * *

><p>"Julie, can I talk to you?"<p>

"Damn it! What is it now?" Julie swore, grabbing in the distance as she watched her classmates head back to the ship.

"You don't need to be so enthusiastic," Martin snapped.

"Why should I? We broke up! And this nonsense that we need to become BFFs is complete crap!" Julie growled, growing increasingly frustrated. It had been almost a week since she had been interrogated by the PPC Agents, and she had been unable to get any alone time with either Katey or Kotaro. Sure, Katey was her roommate, but she would fall asleep before Julie could even get started on an explanation.

Kotaro was just elusive as hell, and Julie was driving herself nuts speculating what Venezia had told him about what was happening. Heathcliffe had spilled all the details about how Julie let Cumbercrazy out of her cage and the subsequent rampage, and Julie wanted to compare notes.

_At least the bitch is dead_, Julie mused, glad Heathcliffe had followed up on that detail.

"Earth to Julie!" Martin waved his hand in front of her face. Julie swatted it away. "I asked you if you would mind if I asked out Charlotte."

"Charlotte?" Julie blinked, "You mean, urinates-off-the-side-of-boats Charlotte?"

"She stopped doing that days ago. After our dual interventions we got to talking," Martin frowned. "So would it be too weird if I-"

"No, go ahead," Julie stammered, not quite sure what to do with this new information. "Whatever makes you happy!"

"Okay then. That's all I needed," Martin nodded. "See you back on the boat I guess?"

"Sure!" Julie smiled. Once Martin was gone, she let her face relax. _I hate this fucking school._

* * *

><p>"I hate this so much," Persephone groaned, "I've become the fifth wheel!"<p>

"You're not the fifth wheel until Chris and Corazon get together," Drew pointed out, "and besides – being the fifth wheel is really cool."

"Mein Gott you're weird," Persephone rolled her eyes.

Katey snorted and kissed Drew on the cheek, "But he's my weirdo."

"So common," Drew cringed.

"Is this hipster? I don't even know anymore," Kotaro remarked. Katey waved hello, but Drew and Persephone shifted uncomfortably.

"I like to think it's my own individuality," Drew murmured.

"I haven't talked to you in days!" Katey smiled, "How are you?"

"I'm doing okay," Kotaro nodded. "Just passing by and I thought I'd say hello."

"Oh, well would you like to join us for dinner?" Katey offered, "I hear Feliciano is cooking!"

"I'll pass thanks. I want to get some homework done," Kotaro held up some books and papers. "I'll see ya around."

"You too!" Katey waved. As he was leaving Persphone shot her a confused look.

"I should probably get some work done while we eat too," Drew admitted, "I'll be right back. I need to get my book." He kissed Katey on the cheek before heading back below deck.

"Okay," Katey began, turning to Persephone, "What is it?"

"Look, you didn't hear this from me," Persephone held up her hands, "but it's so obvious that Kotaro has a thing for you."

"What?"

"Yeah," Persephone giggled nervously. "It's pretty obvious to everyone actually. So just now it looked a little sketchy. That's all."

Katey stared at Persephone. "I don't- what?"

"Clearly I've broken you," Persephone sighed, "But now we can be uncomfortable at dinner together!"

* * *

><p>Victoria was bored.<p>

She was really bored.

It was profound how bored she was.

Though, to be honest, this was her default setting most days now. When she had signed up to participate in all this madness, she had expected to be challenged and learn to see this world and the one back home with a fresh set of eyes.

Instead, she got stuck in a bunch of classes with staff who can't even get along, put in time out with a would-be rapist, and forced to live on a boat. A really smelly boat.

"I'm starting to actually miss Katey as a roommate" Mya groaned, pulling Victoria out of her sulking for a few moments. "Charlotte is just a pain in the ass to live with. She has these weird fits about stairs and goes through some sort of _phase_ every other day."

"But didn't you room with her before?" Katelyn asked, continuing to stare at her wand. Victoria groaned. Convincing Lucia Verdas to fish that thing out of the lake was a really bad idea.

"If Katey was still here though she could deal with her," Mya stabbed at her fettucini. "She can handle Drew, Kotaro and the like, so she's like the weirdo whisperer."

"She's kind of weird too though," Katelyn pointed out.

"A high functioning one anyway," Mya conceded.

_This is so stupid._ Victoria resisted the urge to smash her head against the table and opened her mouth instead. "Have either of you guys seen Nat?"

"Didn't you hear? Ema released the bees again," Mya snickered. "I know it's not funny, but I can't help it."

"Almost as funny as whenever we go into the Café," Katelyn snickered, "What is with your weird phobia of talking to Prussia?"

"Is that Antonio and Lovino covered in Turtles?" Mya asked in mock fright. Katelyn squealed and jumped, looking around wildly.

_I am so tired of this bullshit._ Victoria stood up and dusted imaginary dirt off her skirt. "I'm going to go get the seminar assignment out of the way. Anyone want to join?"

"We're not done eating," Mya said, gesturing crossly to her food. "If you're still there later I'll join you."

"Whatever," Victoria nodded, not expecting a response from Katelyn as she became enamored with her wand again.

On her way out, she maneuvered past C. Jeanette Hernandez, whose large sombrero caused some difficulty in getting through the door. Despite sharing the same facilities, the students at each school rarely interacted. Victoria attributed it to some weird kind of unexplainable jealousy on both sides, but she didn't particularly care if it meant one less thing to deal with.

_When did I become so grouchy?_ Victoria sighed. _Graduation can't come soon enough._

"Who is this little lamb?" Victoria snapped her head up to see Lucas Arch coming up on her, flanked by Cain Harren and Amitiel Arch.

"Oh God." Victoria made a retching sound. "You Angels are even worse in the flesh."

"Excuse me?" Lucas asked, looking affronted.

"Did someone say something about Angels in the flesh?"

Amitiel screamed as Gloria Barber emerged from the shadows, wearing a silk nighty in a way that made her wrinkled skin look like gravel.

"I don't even want to know," Victoria sighed, as the Angels began a frenzied rush down the hallway pursued by the old woman. Up ahead, Georgia Callais and Brigid Hughes were having an animated conversation about something.

"I heard Heathcliffe's been brooding for days," Georgia swooned. "Doesn't this have the feel of an old world romance novel?"

"If old world romance involved lesbonic infidelity I suppose," Brigid snorted. "I'm more interested in all those ghosts! To think they've been here all this time! Kitty and Victor or someone else from the PPC should go contain them or something so they don't get into the school. Could you imagine?"

"I would hate to be a ghost. Stuck in the same outfit or- Oh my god. What if I die naked? What if I'm forced to be naked and away from fashion forever?" Georgia cried out.

"Mein Gott," Victoria found herself mumbling on reflex under her breath, before mentally vowing to punish herself for falling into that cliché.

Glancing around for more fools, she felt a chill run up her spine. Looking around, she only saw Georgia spazzing out nearby. _What was that?_ She asked herself, eyes widened.

After a few moments of panic she forced herself to calm down, noting that there was nothing to warrant such a reaction. _I ate lunch with my friends, watched an old lady chase some Angels, and passed a girl flipping out about afterlife fashion. Nothing out of the ordinary for IAHF there._

Something had triggered her nerves though. And if there was anything Victoria prided herself in, it was her poise. And the fact that she couldn't figure it out just made it all the more disconcerting.

_Something weird is going on here,_ Victoria mused, _and I'm going to find out what it is._

Of course it wouldn't be until much, much later that Victoria would realize that she should have let herself remain bored.


	11. Number One Priority

_**Author's Note:** Sorry this took so long! School and Work have been insane, so I've been working on this chapter bit by bit for the better part of a month now._

_This fic will be completed soon I promise! As of right now it is set to run for fifteen chapters. (This fic will also be posted to AO3 whenever lilywinterwood gets around to posting the original fics there.)_

* * *

><p><strong>Part XI<strong>

"So that's what happened..." Katey stared at Julie, unsure of how to respond. Kotaro merely shook his head, muttering something under his breath.

"Yeah, but you said that Mary Sue warned you at the beginning of school," Julie continued, leaning against the nearby bookshelf. Monaco had caught Enlai and Scarlett making out in the Young Adult section, and was too enraged to notice the three of them hiding in the corner. "Lily Winterwood wasn't loose by then!"

"Maybe she's psychic?" Katey shrugged. "I mean, aren't Mary Sues supposed to be annoyingly gifted or something?"

"None of the Mary Sues are psychic. Not while on this campus anyway," Kotaro answered. "I asked Venezia and she told me."

"What did you find out from her anyway?" Julie demanded, anxiety causing her to barrel along with boundless energy. "It's been ages since our weird crossdressing espionage."

"Just that the Mary Sues are scared - everyone's scared," Kotaro sighed. "And she said I was really lucky - which I didn't understand at all."

"Couldn't you have screwed more out of her?" Julie snapped. Kotaro stared at her in shock and Katey felt her face turn red. "What? It's not like this would be exploring new territory."

"...Not with her," Kotaro mumbled, and Katey felt something stab inside her chest.

_I knew he did that. Why am I-?_Katey fretted, before remembering what Persephone had said to her the other day.

"Fat lot of help that does," Julie seethed, throwing her hands up into the air. "Blech. I wish I smoked or drank or something! I need a vice and I need it now!"

* * *

><p>"How many cigarettes have you had today?" Gilbert rested his head on the counter, staring in a mixture of shock and amazement.<p>

"Not enough," Andy grunted, pouring another round of shots. Sara had already passed out, but Charlie and several other staff members were still holding out.

It had been like this ever since the assembly. Megan and Sara's fight had served for the catalyst for the main staff's repressed anxiety and fears about their impending death. Gone was the boundless 'live-in-the-moment' attitude that overtook many in the first few weeks. Some, like Megan and Sara, took to pointless squabbles to fill their time, while many had become resigned to their fates and decided to make the early move to that damn island, and Gilbert silently thanked Yao for his obsessive-compulsive building habits.

Gilbert tried not to let it get him down. Through the stories he lived and the stories he read about himself, he faced death more often than most have. Even if the timeline collapse was the absolute, he couldn't believe that it would simply be the end. And he absolutely hated how bad things have gotten. It really wasn't awesome.

He apparently wasn't the only one, as right at that moment, Antonio burst through the doorway, a huge grin plastered across his face, followed by several of the other nations.

"Turn that frown upside-down, because in two days time we're having a Gakuen Fiesta!" Antonio grinned, attempting to perform his cheer-up charm on many of the Bar's Patrons.

"The song was actually Gakuen Festa... but yeah, we're having a festival," Lovino shrugged, doing his best to remain enthusiastic and failing spectacularly. "Our current dictator has decreed that this school will get its spirit back, and we will do our best for our students and our peers!"

"Lovino ad-libbed that first part, but that's what Miss Skye has decreed!" Belgium smiled at Charlie, who simply stared at her in drunken confusion.

"Hughie did you wear a dress just for me?"

"And that's the end of that," Gilbert announced, sliding Charlie's drink away while Belgium rolled her eyes. Charlie made a desperate grab for it before falling back onto the floor.

"Yeah, a festival, great idea," Ursula bit back. "Afterwards are we going to have a Hunger Games? I'm sure everyone would be game at this point."

"Get your own ideas Ursula," Peter mumbled, taking a sip of his soda.

"We will have a Pie-eating contest!" Alfred yelled from the doorway, "And a Hamburger-eating contest, and a Hot dog-eating contest, and-"

"I will beat you at all of them, da?" Ivan grinned. Alfred glared at him, before turning back to Ursula.

"And a Scone-eating contest."

"Dear god!" Several of the students screamed. Outside the cafe, Arthur was silently weeping.

How will this help anything? Gilbert frowned, before he noticed that several of the patrons appeared - dare he think it - engaged. As Antonio continued to describe the events and attractions they had planned, the bar began to liven up in a way that's only been read about in the Official updates. Only Ursula seemed to be stuck in a negative mindset, but that was to be expected of her at this point.

_Maybe this Skye girl knows how to run this place after all_, Gilbert grinned.

* * *

><p>"Has there been a Carnival AU?" Katelyn asked, examining the flier more closely. "I want to know what roles the characters are going to take. Oh! Maybe Alfred will be a Lion Tamer!"<p>

"That is animal abuse! Check your privilege!" Someone who sounded suspiciously like Drew shouted from across the cafeteria. Moments later, a wad of spaghetti went flying in his direction.

"I don't think there has been - not that I remember anyway," Victoria shrugged. The foreboding feeling she had still hadn't gone away, and it was really starting to tick her off.

"It's too bad there isn't a Brazil character yet. It would be awesome to party Rio Carnival style," Mya gushed.

"People are going to be taking dates to this thing though. Who are you guys taking?" Victoria blurted out, sipping her drink. Katelyn and Mya looked caught off guard.

"All the boys at our school are taken... well except for Kotaro," Katelyn frowned. "He's really hung up on Katey though, so I really don't want to go with him."

"What about some of the kids from the other school?" Mya grinned, "There are some guys there that... show promise."

"Gross," Victoria frowned. "I think they'll start pairing up amongst themselves though, so you might want to get a move on unless you want to go with each other."

"Crap she's right!" Katelyn bolted from her chair. "I need to ask one of the guys so I'm not stuck with Mya!"

"Well fuck you too!" Mya called after her, racing out of the room a moment later as well.

"I want to ask someone to the dance too!"

Victoria jumped at the sudden interjection, and spotted a newsboy's cap poking out from inside a nearby trash can. "Nat! Why are you hiding in the trash can?!"

"Miss Skye released the bees again," she whimpered. "I'm too afraid to go back to my dorm."

"There aren't any bees in here!" Victoria snapped. "Now get out before someone dumps a bowl of pasta on your head!"

Nat poked her head out and looked around warily, before stepping out of the trash can and picking garbage off of her body.

"That is so gross," Victoria gagged. "I have half a mind to dump you in the lake with a bar of soap."

"After seeing what Lucia Verdas and Jennifer Lalonde do in there, no thanks," Nat shook her head. "By the way, when I was being chased by the bees earlier, I ran through the area where they're setting up the Carnival."

"Really?" Victoria perked up, feeling more interested in something than she had all day.

"Yeah, I got a pretty good look, all things considered..." Nat grinned sheepishly. "Looks like they're having an Art of Shipping panel."

"Oh great, way to ruin a perfectly nice carnival," Victoria groaned, her interest rapidly receding. "Anything else?"

"There's lots of carnival games," Nat added meekly, "And, um... Oh, I saw a dance hall."

"So I was right, we are being paired off," Victoria pondered this new development. This meant she needed to find a suitable date for the carnival, lest she be considered an outcast by her peers and be doused in pigs blood or something equally ridiculous. "So, Nat I-" She began, before noticing that Nat had split. "Damn it!" Victoria swore, "This is going to be harder than I thought."

* * *

><p>"James asked me to the carnival," Persephone announced, hiding her face in her hands.<p>

"That's right Persephone," Katey teased in a spooky voice, "Embrace the Lesbianism."

"But I wanted to go with a cute boy!" Persephone whined.

"So ask Chris before Corazon gets to him."

"I said a cute boy! Not whatever that is!" Persephone pointed towards the lunch counter, where Chris and Drew had just narrowly avoided getting nailed by flying spaghetti. It took all of Katey's willpower not to reference the Flying Spaghetti Monster lest it summon Faye or one of the Angels.

"Maybe you could go with Kotaro?" Katey asked hopefully.

"Ew, no," Persephone scrunched up her face. "He's, like, four years older than me. I don't date forty year olds like Jennifer Chang does."

Katey winced, remembering what Julie had told her just the other day.

"Perrrseephoneeee!"

"No!" Persephone yelped as James grabbed her from behind.

"But Perr, we need matching corsages if we're going to be the school OTP."

"NO!" Persephone screamed, yanking herself away and racing towards the exit. "My name is not Perr, and I will never be in an OTP!"

"She'll see soon! Everybody will ship us!" James laughed, before slinking away. Katey made a mental note to ask about the side effects of prolonged exposure to Gellow. (As Ema had recently installed Gellow lamps on the mochi area of the ship.)

"Hey Katey!"

"Um, Hi Charlotte," Katey blinked as Charlotte sat down across from her, grinning. _Fuck. I just lost the 'Crazy' nickname. I don't need to be seen with 'New Crazy'_.

"I need your help," Charlotte pouted in an exaggerated fashion, and Katey looked down at her Spaghetti and wondered if it was laced with something. "Martin asked me to the Carnival, but I don't want to piss off Julie. I know you're friends with her, and I was wondering if you could talk to her for me?"

"We're not really friends," Katey clarified, mind flashing to her secret meetings with Julie and Kotaro, "but I can still talk to her I guess..."

"Wonderful!" Charlotte clapped, picking up her plate. "Gotta live life while you can, ya know?"

_And apparently wear enough flannel to choke a bear_, Katey observed, watching the girl bounce away.

* * *

><p><em>What shall I call her?<em> Julie wondered, watching Charlotte skip away from Katey's table. _Flannel Bitch?_

"Would you like some sauce?" Shinatty-chan asked, breathing heavily behind his mask.

"None from you," Julie backed away, throwing up a little in her mouth.

"It's not like we were together though."

"I know but, I'm still sorry..."

Julie perked up her ears. After Drew and Chris had avoided getting nailed by some Spaghetti, they had become boring to listen to and Julie had directed her eavesdropping elsewhere. But now...

"We're cool. It's fine," Drew insisted in hushed tones. "But, are you okay?"

"I guess but..." Chris shrugged. "I do like Corazon a lot, but after all that's happened, it's been confusing."

"It'll get less confusing," Drew insisted.

"I guess. It's just that when I kissed you I-" Chris shook his head. "Nevermind."

_Oh I hit the jackpot today_, Julie gushed inwardly, before remembering that she no longer had Martin to gossip to. After the euphoria passed she immediately felt sympathy towards Chris. _Relationships blow_.

After Chris and Drew left and sat down with Katey, Julie was left to scan the room. Enlai and Scarlett had probably glued their faces together in an inappropriate location right now, and she sure as hell wasn't going to sit with Martin and his new _girlfriend_. Maybe... yes, this was perfect.

"Hey," Julie dropped her tray across from Kotaro who was sitting alone. "Can I eat here?"

"You've certainly gotten less graceful since the breakup," Kotaro noted, watching Julie sit down without waiting for a response. "You got a date for the carnival?"

"No. Want to go with me?" Julie looked up to see Kotaro staring at her in surprise. "What? I don't want to go alone okay? And it's not like Katey is going to dump Drew anytime soon."

_Or will she?_ Julie pondered, thinking about telling her what she'd overheard. _No. That would be all sorts of messed up._

"Okay I guess," Kotaro mumbled, taking a gulp of his drink. Julie could smell the alcohol.

"What is that?" Julie asked, holding her nose.

"I'm not sure," Kotaro grinned. "But the other day at the bar, Sara Parker and Charlie Tenterden were drinking a lot of them and they looked really happy, so I wanted to be really happy."

"God, I hope you don't die before the carnival," Julie gagged, and Kotaro laughed.

* * *

><p>"You wanted to see me?" Allen called, peaking inside the office warily.<p>

"Don't worry, Charlie's not here," Ema sighed and waved him in, remembering the other day when Allen walked in on something he shouldn't have. "I'm pretty sure that fucking bird scared him off. I've told the G8 that I want that thing stuffed on my mantel by the end of the week."

"You guys are into some really freaky stuff," Allen shook his head, "But that's not why I'm here. It's about Hugh."

"Yeah he's in hiding because of the Mary Sues," Ema mumbled. "What about it?"

"Well, since so many of the Sues have been moved off campus, he was wondering- wait. Where did you put those Mary Sues anyway?"

"There in a cage at the bottom of the lake. Lucia likes putting on a Hugh mask to see if the freakout will create a whirlpool." Ema looked up from her desk. "You were saying?"

"Ah yes, Hugh," Allen frowned. "He wants to return to the school, but only if it's completely safe."

"Aside from the impending Armageddon, it's perfectly safe..." Ema tilted her head. "He knows that Winterwood is dead, so what is he getting at? What aren't you telling me Allen?"

"Hugh thinks that there may be someone else," Allen explained. "Lily Winterwood mentioned she had help, but he's not convinced that it was R'lyeh. Why would she kill and dismember her partner in crime?"

"Maybe because she was batshit insane?"

"She was, but all those murders were so carefully plotted out," Allen's expression grew even more grim, "She could have killed anyone, but she killed R'lyeh. She must've known that she was better off having him around."

"The guy was deranged enough. And Julie's testimony shows that he was pretty excited about Winterwood's release - not to mention all the killing he's done in the main timeline."

"Honestly, I agree with you. But Hugh's going to be a tougher sell."

"I don't need this shit." Ema growled, gripping her pen harder. "The festival starts on Wednesday, which means I'll have time to visit him in his hideout tomorrow."

"Make sure none of the Sues follow you... or Charlie." Allen looked her over warily.

"I might not be able to stop him," Ema grinned mischievously. Allen rolled his eyes, before leaving Ema to her work once more.

* * *

><p>"This is nice," Katey whispered, her head resting on Drew's chest.<p>

He ran his fingers through her hair, "It's wonderful just being here with you."

"You guys gonna fuck or what?"

Katey sat up and glared at Julie, who was in the next bed staring at the couple and eating popcorn. "Will you go away!" Katey snapped. "We'd like some privacy!"

"I'd be glad to give it to you, but we have a curfew remember. He's not even technically allowed to be here!"

"Then go to my room," Drew retorted.

"Yeah, quality time with my ex sounds like hours upon hours of fun."

"ARRGGHHH," Katey yelled, flopping down on the bed next to Drew. "What about Kotaro? He's in a single!"

"Yeah, but we'd having nothing to do!"

"You could draw. You're supposed to be this great artist but I've only seen you draw, like, twice!"

"I suppose," Julie mumbled, tossing her empty bag of popcorn in the waste basket and standing up. She took her sweet time gathering her art supplies before finally leaving, snatching a couple of Katey's home-made doujin for good measure.

"In Today's issue, Faye Markus turns into a guy through a magical love potion, and makes the hot yaois with her male peers," Julie laughed, flipping through one of the comics as she walked. It was the one benefit of attending this school – you could read shitty porn in public and no one would judge you.

Flipping the book closed, she was about to knock on Kotaro's door when it swung open. Kotaro was dressed in the costume he wore on his first day, and carried what appeared to be a crossbow in the other.

"Taking up the mantle of school serial killer?" Julie laughed nervously, backing away slowly. Shit. Has he lost his mind?

"Wha- Oh. No!" Kotaro shook his head, point the weapon towards the ceiling. "This is for protection. I think I've gotten a lead on what's going on here. But it's going to be dangerous."

"Dangerous?" Julie asked. "This whole campus is a death trap! Why would you need a crossbow for this place?!"

"Julie, a Fanfiction Academy is supposed to have all the places from the fandom it represents, right?" Kotaro gave Julie a measured look, and she knew he wasn't kidding around.

"Yeah, but what about it?"

"Well, don't you find it strange that we've never seen the part of the campus that contains Venice?"

"Wait, that's here?!" Julie proclaimed, then mentally kicked herself. We just established that didn't we?

"Yeah," Kotaro nodded. "And I just entertained a Mary Sue who said that there's an electric fence around it along with other security measures. Measures to make sure Mary Sues can't get in."

"So they're hiding something there."

"Or they're pretecting something," Kotaro clarified. "How much you want to bet that whatever it is, it has something to do with what's going on?"

"I suppose that makes sense…" Julie admitted, though she wasn't quite convinced it was the smoking gun Kotaro seemed to think it was.

"Are you in or out?"

"I'm in!" Julie responded immediately, finding herself strangely excited. _Of course _now _I'm inspired to draw_. She thought to herself, following Kotaro down the hall.

* * *

><p>"Ema?"<p>

"Wha-?" Ema sat up, startled, and pulled a post-it note off of her cheek. "Come in!"

Takara floated through the wall, looking distraught. "I was down at the stadium for the zoning - like you asked - and I ran into Allen..."

"He give you the same speech he gave me?" Ema sighed. "Just ignore him. Hugh's just being overprotective of his kid."

"Ema..." Takara said wistfully. Ema stared at her for a moment in confusion, before the realization of what she actually said sank in.

"...of Emma." Ema corrected.

"If they do return... I think... I'd like to see them."

"Are you sure?" Ema asked, all playfulness gone from her voice. "It'll be hard."

"Nothing's ever easy Ema, you know that," Takara smiled sadly. "Just if you need to convince him somehow... tell him I need to see him. I need to see Emma. But maybe that will just convince him to stay away..."

"Takara, no," Ema stood up reaching to put her hand on Takara's shoulder before it passed through.

"Just, promise me you'll do your best?"

"I'll do better than my best," Ema proclaimed. "The parrot is now number two on my list. The priority is to get Hugh and Emma home."

"Thank you," Takara whispered, gathering up some papers before opening the door and floating through. Ema sat back down, letting the air out of her lungs, and wondering whether she'd be able to keep that promise.


	12. Paradigms of the Fangirl Mind

_**Author's Note:** I know this took a really long time, but It took me forever to write this chapter, and when I finished... I decided to split it up into two! So the end is coming soon but it won't be at Chapter 15 like originally planned. So you can almost think of this chapter as the setup for the punchline at the end of the next one (which should be up tomorrow)._

* * *

><p><strong>Part XII<strong>

Victoria loved peace and quiet. It helped her think. It helped her put everything thing in perspective.

She had not expected to find peace and quiet anywhere on this campus, but in the dead of night she found it - walking along the moonlit path.

Katelyn and Mya both ended the day with dates. Katelyn snagged Princie Fraser while his guard was down, and Mya had somehow ended up with Charlie. From what they told her, Nat had managed to convince Andrew Khok to come with her - which only served to piss of Susanna Black-White, who was apparently counting on him to keep her from going alone.

"Well that's what happens when you don't take the initiative," Katelyn grinned.

"I wonder if Charlie is expecting anything?" Mya wondered aloud, blushing. "I mean, I wonder how good he is-"

"He's slept with everyone else so why not?" Victoria gagged, while Katelyn mimed vomiting into the bushes.

_Yeah. I shouldn't have waited until the last minute,_ Victoria looked up at the moon and frowned. _But why should I care either way?_

"Kotaro, you're going to stab me with that thing!" A voice a little ways ahead hissed.

"I'm sorry! It's really dark okay!"

_Sex on campus. Just what this night needed. _Victoria shuddered, preparing to turn around and get as far away from the couple as possible.

"So where's the Venice walls?"

"From what I've heard, they're in the woods near the staff section. We better hurry!"

_The Venice Walls? Why would they be going there?_ Before Victoria realized what she was doing, she headed towards the voices.

Kotaro and Julie looked like they were going to piss themselves when Victoria came into their line of sight. The young girl sighed and massaged her temple. "What are you doing?"

"We're... um..." Kotaro stuttered.

"Having sex?" Julie blurted out.

"Yeah. I can see you're having sex by the way you're both wearing clothes and standing five feet apart."

"I mean... we will be?" Julie choked. "I need me... some of that." She gestured towards Kotaro, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"You could have sex in the dorms. Why are you going to Venice?"

"Gondolas make me hot," Julie explained, all emotion gone from her voice. Victoria couldn't help but physically recoil.

"We..." Kotaro sighed, "We're investigating. Like how Jennifer and her friends did in the original story."

"Oh, so you did read it then?" Victoria felt herself relax. "So what is actually in Venice?"

"We're not entirely sure-," Kotaro began before Julie elbowed him in the ribs. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Why are you telling her all of this? I thought we needed to be secretive?" She hissed.

"Because we need help breaking in. The place is a fortress. And Victoria's pretty good in a tough situation."

"Exactly!" Victoria beamed, suppressing the memory of Katey's attack. "Do I need to ask again? Where are we going?"

"Well..." Julie mumbled.

* * *

><p>"I hate this place!" Victoria screeched, stabbing another rat with an old, rusted pole she had found. Nearby, Kotaro was dealing with more rats and Julie scaled down the fence.<p>

"Will you shut up?! We're on a stealth mission here!" Julie yelled back.

"Both of you shut up!" Kotaro stomped his foot on the ground, and the added effects of the noise and the mass murder sent the rest of the rats scurrying away.

"No one ever mentioned rats," Victoria sobbed. "I hate rats! Rats weren't in the original story were they?"

"All other creatures here were overshadowed by the giant rooster," Kotaro sighed, watching Julie drop down onto the ground.

"What do we do now?" Julie asked, dusting herself off. "It's not like a lead is just going to fall out of the sky."

"We have to find it for ourselves," Victoria calming herself. "That reminds me - you weren't finished explaining exactly what's going on."

"So like I said, those PPC Agents took Julie in for questioning..." Kotaro started up again and Julie immediately spaced out, creeping along the alleyway until she was peering out into the street. It looked more-or-less how she had imagined it would, only without any people walking about.

"Hey you guys!" Julie hissed, nodding towards the other end of the street. Kotaro and Victoria peered over her shoulder to see none other than Ema Skye making her way towards the center of the city.

"Seriously," Victoria muttered. "This is all way beyond alleviating my boredom. What is going on?"

* * *

><p><em>I hate this place<em>, Ema scrunched up her nose as a couple of rats darted out in front of her. How anyone could stay here in good conscious when there were sanitary accommodations just a few miles away was baffling.

It took another thirty minutes and a complicated maneuver around the canals to get to her destination. Knocking on the door, she waited until an eye hole opened up at the top of the door. "Password?"

"I'm pregnant with your child."

"What?" Hugh Fraser threw open the door in alarm.

"We never had sex dumbass," Ema rolled her eyes before thrusting her way inside. The inn had been vacated when the owners cleared out of the city along with most of the population. Therefore the first floor appeared deserted except for Hugh, who was looking positively livid.

"I've instituted a password for a reason!"

"I know," Ema sighed, "To protect your daughter. That's why I'm here."

"Oh?" Hugh folded his arms and stared at her warily, as if expecting her to begin a perfectly choreographed dance routine with a bunch of Mary Sues dressed in clown tuxedos as background dancers. It was a ridiculous thought really, as Ema scoffed at the idea of pulling the same stunt twice.

"Before we begin, I'd like to ask about Dr. Froyd."

Hugh murmured something under his breath before nodding upstairs. "He's making do with what he has, but there's no doubt his methods would be more effective in a PPC facility."

"And the patients?"

"Come see for yourself."

Hugh led Ema upstairs and down a long hallway She noted dims lights protruding from underneath a couple of the doors that lined it, though most appeared vacant. Just as Ema fixed her attention on the door at the end of the hall, the one to her left opened.

"Hugh, is everything okay?" Elizabeth DuLay asked, doing her best to appear awake and alert but failing spectacularly.

"Everything's fine, Elizabeth. Is Emma-?"

"She's still asleep. Don't worry." Elizabeth glanced at Ema and frowned. "I thought we weren't supposed to get visitors?"

"We're not," High clicked his tongue in annoyance.

Ema ignored him, and headed down the hall without a word. A few moments later, Hugh ran up behind her, and as she entered the room the sharper light assaulted her retinas.

"The Butler did it I tells ya!" The girl on the couch proclaimed in a broken british accent, fingers drumming on the armrest of the couch. "He was like 'Yes, my mistress' and ditched his patterned cat."

"This isn't a good time Mr. Fraser," Dr. Froyd announced, not looking up from his notepad. "Miss KyAnna was just starting to get into the events of that night."

"It was all so tacky!" KyAnna proclaimed, pulling on her shirt.

"I'm afraid it can't wait. Our guest can't stay long," Hugh explained.

Dr. Froyd looked up at Ema and frowned. "KyAnna, I will be back in a moment."

"But the buzzing!" KyAnna shouted, clasping her hands over her ears. "It's all white an' fuzzy."

"I didn't realize she was that bad," Ema exclaimed one they got out into the hall.

"She glued herself to a tree, Ema."

"I know but..." Ema struggled to form a coherent point.

"She didn't start out this badly. She's been getting worse. Every time I try to press her about that night she gets more unstable," Dr. Froyd sighed. "I don't even know if the fact that she's a dark angel is exacerbating it. After this session, I think I think I'm going to need to adopt a new strategy."

"Are the other patients-?"

"The other patients are fine for the most part," Dr. Froyd stroked his chin. "Heathcliffe and Aki have worked through most of their issues and I've managed to get Andrew Ho to start wearing shirts again."

"Megan's gonna be pissed about that." Ema smirked while Hugh muttered something about doctor-patient confidentiality.

"Really, Alexander Morris is the only one besides KyAnna giving me a lot of trouble," Dr. Froyd frowned. "But forcing him out of whatever closet he's constructed for himself isn't going to do him any good."

"You may get more patients soon, unfortunately," Ema interupted. "The rest of the G8 to be specific... and maybe Yuki-rin Øxenstierna and Andy Kirk for good measure."

"I'd rather not have Charlie here, if that's all the same to you," Hugh shuffled uncomfortably.

"Yeah that seems fair," Ema snapped. "You kiss the guy whose pined after you for well over a year, and then the apocalypse looms and you vanish off the face of the earth. I can see how that would be an inconvenience."

"If the gossip I've gotten from Aki is correct, you've been there to distract him though," Hugh retorted.

"Oh? Whose to say he's not distracting me?" Ema grinned slyly. "Why, Mr. Hugh, are you jealous? Just say the word and I can make this three-way happen."

"I don't think that would be very productive," Dr. Froyd interjected, and Hugh coughed uncomfortably.

"I'm teasing," Ema rolled her eyes. "But seriously though, Charlie's a mess. And you're clearly not happy with the way things ended. And being cooped up here with nothing but time to think..." Ema leaned in, letting her voice trail off. Unhappiness rolled off Hugh in waves, and Ema hoped she had gotten through to him.

"I really should get back to my patient," Dr. Froyd broke the silence, slinking off without waiting for a response.

"There was another reason you came here isn't there?" Hugh asked quietly.

"Takara wants to see you," Ema explained. "She wants to see Ema."

"She-" Hugh's eyes lit up for a moment before fading back into their prior state of misery. "Why didn't she come herself then?"

"She didn't want to upset you."

"Well, after seeing her die the way she did..." Hugh began, before descending back into murmurs.

Ema patted his shoulder sympathetically. "You don't have to make any decisions about Emma right now, but I think it would be a good idea to talk to her."

Hugh nodded, though he didn't look entirely convinced.

_Poor Guy_, Ema sighed, a pang of sympathy hitting her like a train.

"And before you change your mind," she added, remembering one of her primary reasons for coming, "I can assure you that the main campus is extremely safe, and I stake my position as Course Coordinator on it."

* * *

><p>Victoria's neck hurt.<p>

It hurt a lot.

It hurt so much that by the time Ema left and began making her way back to the city limits, she had half a mind to dive into one of the canals to sooth the ache.

"If I have to climb another wall tonight I am going to snap in half," Julie groaned, rotating her arm after jumping off the wall of the building. Victoria rolled her eyes, remembering how eager she had been to volunteer to eavesdrop and relay down what was happening.

"Well I can't very well carry you!" Kotaro snapped. While the two of them argued, Victoria let her mind process all the information that's been thrown at her the past few hours.

The timeline, the murders, the author, her accomplice... all of it seemed to just sit on her psyche like a rock. There was something, something very big that Victoria knew she was missing, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"Seriously though," Victoria overheard Kotaro mumble. "What is with you lately? This can't all be about Marissa-"

"His name's Martin okay!" Julie snapped. "His parents are just huge assholes!"

If that's the reason… Victoria speculated briefly before dragging herself away from the distraction.

"He is… was, the best thing to happen to me in a very long time okay?" Julie admitted softly, slumping up against the alley wall. The dim light from one of the inns rooms gave Victoria enough light to see that the girl was doing her best to hold back tears.

"I met him a year ago," She explained, pulling her legs up against her chest. "He worked at this gas station, and he refused to sell me cigarettes…"

"You smoked?" Victoria found herself asking, her train of thought completely destroyed.

"No. It was really stupid, but I thought if I smoked it would make me seem sophisticated," Julie snorted.

"Okay," Victoria frowned, conjuring up the memory of Andy Kirk accidentally burning his fingers with his lighter, dropping it, and accidentally setting someone's drink on fire.

"Anyway, I had some spray paint in my car, so I decided to tag the side of the building," Julie shook her head, suppressing laughter. "It was a really unflattering picture of him. I didn't have any brown spray paint so I made his hair blue too…"

"You were a tagger too?" Kotaro asked, clearly skeptical.

"No, no, not really," Julie stammered, clearing her throat. "Well, I guess he saw the light from my flashlight or something, so he came outside and I thought he was going to have me arrested. But he just said it was good. Could you believe that?"

"The guy's a dumbass," Kotaro mouthed to Victoria, who nodded in agreement.

"He asked what it would take for me to paint it over, and I told him to dye his hair blue like a jackass," Julie looked up at the sky and smiled. "I didn't think he would actually do it, but the next thing I know, he's coming back outside with blue hair, and I'm painting over the picture. We've been together ever since."

"They're both loons," Victoria mouthed back.

"But it was always like that," Julie sighed. "Martin was always bending over backwards to help me. You know I could've been charged if I hadn't painted over the graffiti? He was always looking out for me and now…" Julie stood up and began walking away, her companions scrambling up to follow. "…now he's with Charlotte. And I drove him into her arms by taking him for granted."

* * *

><p><em>We might be able to pull this off. Despite everything<em>, Takara found herself grinning as she watched the staff perform their last minute duties for the carnival. It was agreed that everyone would take a shift so everyone could enjoy the majority of the event as a guest, and it seemed to completely reenergize a population of people whom had been waiting in dread for the future just a couple of days ago.

Even some of the more pessimistic students were coming around. Yuki-Rin and Cain were currently working together to put the finishing touches on the platform where Anita and Stan would give their lecture, appearing more cooperative and friendly than they had in weeks. Elsewhere, Megan was part of the group helping Georgia Callais and Kira PandaStarz finish up the masks for the masquerade ball. At Café Foscarini, Andy Kirk and Gilbert Beilschmidt were teaching another group how to mix certain drinks and work the machinery, with Ursula Klevins leading the rest of the pack by a wide margin. (Though many suspect that Sara Parker would've transcended everyone had she not decided to sample some of her own drinks).

Even Loki Shadow Reave, who looked so exhausted that she could drop any moment, was getting her due, as Peter Hawthorne and Lila Kirk helped her finish up her report for Ema Skye. It was common knowledge among the staff that the report wouldn't wield much of anything, but no one wanted to undermine all the hard work that the Demon had put into researching this phenomenon. And besides, never meddle in the affairs of Shadow Demons, for you are crunchy and taste good dipped in the fires of Hell.

And the rest of the Hetalia characters were in top form. Many showed up in festive outfits that sent staff members swooning. Takara had half-expected the visiting Karen DuLay to tackle Ludwig to the ground, but the fangirl managed to restrain herself.

"Hey, have you seen Charlie Tenterden?" Takara wondered aloud. Several people shook their heads, though Sally Cruz indicated that she had seen him wandering around earlier.

"We're opening in a couple of hours, and he has all the tickets!" Takara snapped, flashing back to when the duty was assigned to him. _He had been talking about Hugh…_

She couldn't blame the boy for his infatuation. Hugh was… wonderful. Every moment since she found herself re-materialized she had regretted the way she had pursued him at the beginning. True, that union had blessed them with Emma, but it didn't make it any less painful to think about.

"Hey Takara!" The ghost few up a few feet in surprise, looking down to see Dex Thomson staring up at her. "Ema wants to see you."

Ema had returned that morning but had quickly fallen asleep at her desk, so Takara had been unable to talk to her about what happened the night before with…

"Oh good, Takara, you're here," Ema gave the ghost a friendly smile. "Victor and his ridiculous monkey suit were just here hounding me about Loki's research. He seemed pleased, but I don't see why. I'm going through these and I can't find shit."

"Don't smile so brightly when you say stuff like that. It's creepy," Takara remarked as she floated through a chair.

"You want to know creepy? I have files for the students." Ema held up the large file folder, loose papers poking out. "I haven't had a chance until now to look, but I still can't figure out why that Victoria girl is here. Disdain for a genre doesn't exactly qualify for entry here."

"Well, she's here, so there must be a reason. Maybe she has the potential to be terrible?"

"Everyone has the potential to be terrible. Just look at the rest of our students. I mean, Katey even wrote that her own last name was _Bartholomew-Strider_. I mean seriously." Ema looked up and seemed to peer through Takara. "Wouldn't you agree?"

"I would," A deep voice responded, and Takara spun around, a electric sensation running through her very being.

"…Hugh," she whispered, not daring to believe it.

"Hello Takara," Hugh gave her a small smile and timidly talked towards her, stopping halfway and leaning against the desk Ema had originally set aside for sex play, but was now covered with more files.

"I'll leave you two alone to talk…" Ema whispered, getting up and sneaking past them, dropping Victoria's file on the sex desk as she left.

* * *

><p>"You took Victoria and not me?!"<p>

"Sorry," Julie winced. "You were kinda… busy at the moment."

Katey paced back and forth, casting angry glances at Julie and Kotaro. "I thought we were in this together."

"Look at it this way – you got to find out all this info without being attacked by rats!"

Katey opened her mouth to argue some more when there was a knock at the door, and Corazon peeked in. "We're all here. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I am!" Katey shouted back, pulling her bag over her shoulder with her dress inside. Everyone planned on enjoying the carnival in their normal clothes first, and then they would change into their dress clothes before the masquerade dance.

"Shouldn't we talk about this new information?" Kotaro spoke up.

"All it tells us is that they're still scared," Katey sighed. "You guys can analyze it to death if you want, but I want to have a good time at the carnival. Hell, it'll probably be easier to get to the truth when everyone's drunk."

Julie hissed, "I guess you have a point. Stop being so flippant though."

"Katey, you look- Oh," Drew stood in the open doorway, frowning. "You two are here."

"This is my room too Drew," Julie replied calmly, and Katey noticed that she was watching Kotaro warily. The other boy simply looked down at the ground in discomfort, and Katey was hit with another wave of insecurity.

_I'm with Drew. I am not playing the field._ She reminded herself, running up and giving Drew a kiss on the cheek. "I'll think about what you told me," Katey reassured them, and the couple seemed to relax. Drew gave her a confused look, but brushed it off and took her arm.

Out in the hall, Corazon was already wearing a pretty stunning dress, and Katey had to remind herself that the girl was only fourteen years old. Next to her, Chris was blushing like mad and excitedly talking about what they should do at the carnival. Persephone was watching them both, in addition to casting cagey glances all around.

"James didn't give up did she?" Katey asked.

"She's planning a scrap book," Persephone shivered. "Though I think I managed to convince her to go early to see the panel get set up, which should give me some breathing room."

"Why do we have to have class at a Carnival?" Chris groaned. "The other school doesn't have one!"

"It's supposed to be interactive though," Katey pointed out. "I think a lot of other people are going, not just us."

Chris shrugged miserably before being led away by Corazon, and the rest of the group followed. Katey looked back at the door to see Julie and Kotaro watching her.

_If they wanted to join our group they should've just asked!_ Katey huffed, before resuming her teasing of Persephone.


	13. Ding Dong, The Hipster's Dead

_**Author's Note:** I'm so happy I managed to get this up! I apologize in advance for how choppy this is. And like I said before, think of this as Part 2 of the previous chapter.  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>Part XIII<strong>

"So…" Takara mumbled, staring at Hugh. It seemed like ages had gone by, and they had only succeeded and mumbling awkwardly to each other from the spots that Ema had left them in. "…Tea?"

"Yes," Hugh murmured, "that would be great."

Takara floated out into her sitting room, exhaling purposefully to calm herself. _This is what I wanted, isn't it?_

"Oh, Takara," Hugh peeked out, "If you need help, I can make the tea."

"Don't worry, I can manage."

"But I-"

"I can manage" Takara snapped back, facing away from him as the tension continued to crackle through the air.

"Okay." He replied quietly, disappearing back inside Ema's office.

_God why did this have to be so hard_.

* * *

><p>"Julie!" Julie jumped as Scarlett hugged her unexpectedly. The redhead stepped back in embarrassment as Enlai, Martin, and Charlotte appeared from the throngs of the crowd.<p>

Ema Skye could mark the carnival as a success so far. The opening performance by Antonio and Lovino had been well received, though it had ended when Lovino threw a tomato at Samantha Marie Pappas and stomped off stage in frustration.

"You guys want to hang out with us?" Enlai asked, giving Kotaro a friendly wave. Kotaro regarded the other boy warily before giving him a friendly nod.

"We're actually looking for Victoria. Have you seen her?"

"Victoria?" Scarlett frowned. "I think I saw her with Katelyn, Princie, and Dex by the front gate earlier."

"Well they would've moved on by then," Martin pointed out, his fingers laced together with Charlotte's. Julie turned and focused all her attention on Scarlett.

"You could try the main tent," The redhead shrugged. "Georgia Callais was talking about hosting some kind of fashion show and Princie and Dex seemed really into it."

"Bikini competition," Enlai clarified, with Kotaro and Martin appearing more interested in the conversation.

Julie nodded, "Thanks! We'll see you guys later!"

"You can count on it!" Scarlett smiled, grabbing Enlai. "Come on! I want to go on the Ferris Wheel."

"I think I'm going to drag Martin into the house of Mirrors. We'll see you later!" Julie heard Charlotte call to Scarlett as the group parted. Julie found herself running her fingers through her hair nervously, and immediately stuffed them in her pockets.

"This is fun," Kotaro snorted, before dashing off once he spotted the catwalk on the far side of the tent.

* * *

><p>"What did you want me to do?!" Hugh yelled. "She's my daughter!"<p>

"She's our daughter Hugh!" Takara shouted back, wishing she could grab onto a chair and throw it at him.

The stage of their conversation had inevitably reached anger – which mostly dealt with all the painful anxiety they'd kept hidden over Emma. Well, it reached anger when Takara basically went off on Hugh as soon as she came back with the tea a moment earlier.

"You haven't been here Takara, I have! I- I watched you die!" Hugh gripped the back of his chair and leaned over it as if his pain had become physical.

Takara floated in silence, stunned. She reached out to grab Hugh's arm, but it simply floated through.

"I- I don't" Takara stammered, suddenly feeling very out of her element.

"None of this is your fault… I just…" Hugh mumbled.

"…saw me die." Takara finished. "But I can be here now. For what time is left, I can be here…"

Hugh didn't respond, and Takara floated down to pick up the scattered contents of the tea tray. Ema wasn't going to be happy about this. It had been a gift from Sabrina during their schooling at IAHF.

"Where do we go from here?" Hugh looked up at Takara with huge eyes, and she set the pieces of broken china back on the floor.

"I wish I knew the answer."

* * *

><p>"Oh come on!" Ema groaned, stepping inside the tent and pulling the tap back behind her. "This is a carnival. Not a sex festival! The sex festival is in my office after the carnival is over! I sent out invitations and everything!"<p>

"Sorry!" Kagaya Talia Daye yelped as she buttoned up her shirt. Fye Acespaid began to walk around in confusion before his pants fell down and he face-planted on the ground.

_Honestly_. Ema shook her head, watching the couple recede. She pulled out her iPad, checking the layout to see what was supposed to be stored here. _Extra booze. Figures._

"Ema!" The course coordinator looked up to see Allen and Charlie enter the tent. Allen was dragging Charlie next to him and forcibly made him face Ema. "I found him heading towards your office."

"Hugh's back and I need to see him!" Charlie pleaded, his face battered from the past few days of drinking and clowning around. Well, one of those really depressed clowns anyway.

"Takara's in there with him," Ema explained. "They have, things they need to hash out."

"Oh," Charlie sighed, his body going limp. "Well, when they're done, can you tell him to find me?"

"Sure," Ema smiled, patting him gently on the shoulder. As the redhead made his way back outside, she made eye contact with Allen.

"You didn't have to be so hard on him."

"He bit me."

"Kinky."

"Perrrrseeeepppphone!" A wail echoed from outside. "It's time for pictures!"

Allen stared at the partially open flap. "What was…"

"You really don't want to know," Ema shook her head, suppressing a laugh.

* * *

><p>"Say Cheese!"<p>

"Bite me homo!" Faye Markus hissed at poor Shinbun-kun as he snapped her picture. The numerous same-sex couples combined with the magic special effects and celebration of what she deemed 'communist culture' had put her in a worse mood than usual. The renditions of "Actual Cannibal Faye Markus" at the café last night probably didn't help.

"Wouldn't want to be her date," Katey heard Drew whisper in her ear. The Asian girl couldn't help but agree, almost feeling sorry for Mighty Major J as he tiptoed around her.

"Next!" Picardy called out, and Drew and Katey took their positions. Drew stuck a rose in his mouth and sat on Katey's lap while simultaneously having eye-sex with the camera, and Katey did her best to keep her legs from falling asleep under his weight (which wasn't all that much).

"Hipster my ass," Katey heard Persephone mumble, and Drew spent the next few pictures looking disinterested and sulky to try and reclaim some of his dignity.

"Kiss in at least one!" Shinbun-kun paused.

"The Actual Cannibal didn't need to," Katey pointed out.

"I just wanted her out of my booth. Everyone else is taking kissing pictures." Shinbun-kun wrinkled his nose, "Even the Romulan and the Honey Badger."

Katey glanced to the side and noticed the couple in question lingering awkwardly by the side of the booth. If there was anyone who people were avoiding more than Faye, it would be them and the handful of others who were close to R'lyeh.

At least that's what most people immediately thought of. Katey couldn't help but remember when they rushed in after Dirk had almost attacked her.

"Lets do one real quick," Katey asked. Drew shrugged and leaned in as Shinbun-kun resumed his camerawork. _He could at least look like he's enjoying it_, Katey thought crossly, _You're a hipster not an asshole_.

"Next!" Picardy shouted, directing Chris and Corazon to the booth while Katey dragged Drew over to Alexis and Boris.

"Hey, you're Alexis right?" Katey asked, panting, "and Boris? I'm Katey, the girl from the Gellows!"

"Oh yes," Boris blinked, "How are you doing?"

"I have a boyfriend. A hot one!" Katey grinned, pulling Drew in front of them. "Drew, this is Boris and Alexis."

"Beastiality. Not mainstream," Drew nodded approvingly while the couple looked increasingly uncomfortable.

"Um, anyway," Katey started over, "You guys want to hang out with me and my friends?"

"Are you sure you have room?" Alexis asked, staring at The Photo Booth.

"The more the merrier!" Katey grinned, her braces almost shining back at them like a beacon of smiles and good intentions.

"We have one more – Jack Ochoa. I think he slipped away to smoke a blunt."

"Is he sharing?" Chris asked, appearing with Corazon at his side. At the booth, Persephone was throwing a fit reminiscent of Faye's, but James wasn't taking the hint.

"You could ask," Alexis nodded towards a restroom, and Chris immediately headed off, leaving Corazon standing around awkwardly.

"Smooth," Boris cackled, brushing past Alexis's legs.

"I'm surprised they're in there and not at the Fashion show," Corazon pursed her lips in thought. "I heard rumors of bikinis."

"I don't need bikinis right now I need food," Drew mumbled.

"Want a candy apple?" Katey asked, nodding to a nearby stand.

"But it's so mainstream…" Drew frowned, looking at them longingly.

"Give into the consumerism culture," Katey let out an exaggerated groan and clung to his shirt, "I beg of you."

"Can't… resist…the…allure…" Drew gave Katey a peck on the check before sprinting over to the apples.

"Where's your other friend?" Corazon asked. "The weird fellow who was always shouting about genocide."

Katey froze, as saw a look of shock briefly pass over Alexis's face before Boris answered. "He left."

"Oh, okay," Corazon asked, her expression indicating that she clearly wanted to know more. Katey was grateful she held back.

"He, he was good guy, even though it didn't seem like it…" Alexis mumbled as James and Persephone bounded over, distracting Corazon from her response.

_He was a serial killer_, Katey thought smugly to herself. She couldn't help but flash back to when he killed Dirk. Both of those impressions of him involved killing, but Katey had a hard time compromising the two.

"James, I only agreed to go out with you because I didn't have a date," Persephone hissed. "I'm straight and more importantly, I'm not interested in you."

"Oh, I know that," James waved her hand dismissively, "It's just… the idea of being someone's OTP is just so…"

"Trust me. We're no one's OTP," Persephone deadpanned, looking at Katey for help.

"You guys are only thirteen. You have plenty of time to have relationships," Corazon reassured them. "You shouldn't have a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship."

"But shipping is so-"

"I bet you Kitty and Anita would tell you the same thing."

James seemed at a loss for words, and Persephone looked extremely relieved.

"Apple?" Drew asked, showing a carmel apple in Katey's face. The rest of the group accepted the treats gratefully while Katey simply stared at hers, wondering how she could manage it with braces.

"Are those brown apples?" Chris exhaled a laugh, coming up behind Corazon and kissing her on the cheek. "Like, do they come from brown cows?"

"Is your IQ supposed to drop that quickly?" Corazon asked. Everyone else shrugged.

"Amateur," A boy Katey assumed to be Jack Ochoa grinned, munching on an apple of his own.

"Hey, I heard that they're serving special drinks at the café! We should all stop by!" Boris beamed, seeming more enthusiastic than he had earlier.

"I'm down with that. Everyone's doing shots!" Jack held an apple up in the air while Chris and Drew whooped in agreement.

Katey grinned at Drew's complete conformity and rolled her eyes. _Ding dong, the hipster's dead_.

* * *

><p>"These were the only ones you could find?" Lila sighed, eying the two figures in apprehension. It took her a few minutes, but she recognized them, and she immediately wished she hadn't.<p>

"I'm afraid so," Loki scowled. "I wasn't even sure who the hell they were until I asked Gilbert."

"How did you not know who I am?!" The girl demanded. No, she wasn't a girl. Lila knew that.

"Noto-sama, it's okay," the boy next to her laughed, clearly not taking his friend's freakout seriously.

"No, it's not okay!" Noto-sama snapped. "I've been exacting my revenge before half these characters were even a thought process! It's insulting!"

Lila glanced at Peter, who had strategically placed himself on the other side of some discarded maintenance equipment. After Gilbert revealed what he knew about the pair, it took a lot of persuasion to keep Peter from bolting outright.

"But you've never appeared in the story… IAHF I mean!" Loki corrected, matching Noto-sama glare for glare. "And it was the only major piece I was able to uncover."

"Your crazed authoress probably doesn't know about us. We were still here because we appeared in canon, she just never mentioned us," Noto-sama smirked, an air of malice surrounding him and engulfing the entire room. "God she was weird. Roaming around campus with her lackey."

"Wait, you saw them?" Lila sprang forward, grasping Noto-sama by the front of his uniform. "Why didn't you report it?"

"I tried. Your headmistress was in reverse cowgirl at the time and wasn't receiving visitors. You'd think she'd want to know. Guy was big and intimidating," Noto pushed Lila away, dusting himself off. "What was that redhead's name by the way? I haven't had any fun in ages."

His blond friend mumbled something about never getting girls, and Lila used the opportunity to exchange a worried glance with Loki. Big and intimidating were hardly words one used to describe R'lyeh.

"Did you see them too?" Lila asked the blond, whose name she finally remembered as Yamato.

"I didn't get a good look," Yamato replied thoughtfully, "But yeah, the guy was pretty tall and decently built."

Lila felt a sense of dread overtake her. Rushing past the others, she burst out onto the carnival grounds, scanning the crowd.

If those two were right, Lily Winterwood still had an accomplice on the loose.

* * *

><p>Takara used all of her concentration to lean into his shoulder. After their brief burst of anger they just lingered for a while, and Takara tentatively made her way over. Hugh seemed to resist for a moment, but eventually gave him and let her near him.<p>

"If you don't want me to see Emma, I under-"

"No, I want you to see her." Hugh sighed. "It's scary. As a parent you want to protect your child from all the danger that the world has to offer, but something like this…" His voiced trailed off, before picking back up. "Keeping her from you isn't going to stop what's going to happen. With the time we have, we should be with the ones we love."

Takara smiled, her concentration slipping, and before she knew it they were both on the floor, the files scattering everywhere.

"Ema's going to kill me." Takara said before realizing the implications. Hugh gave her a look that was a fine mixture of amusement and sadness before gathering up some of the files.

"This the girl that Ema was talking about before?" He asked, picking up the sheet with Victoria's picture on it.

"Yeah, that's her. One of the many bane's of Her Highness Miss Skye's existence."

"I see," Hugh frowned, glancing it over. "She's right though. There's nothing that really jumps out her. Though I'm not sure where the Kingdom Hearts shoutout on here came from. The Kuroshitsuji one I get, but-"

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that the author was a fan of that," Takara shivered, remembering the girl from the footage from Jennifer and Workbitch's murders. Ranting and raving about her plans and the help she got in doing them.

Almost involuntarily that thought made her think about what Allen had said. _Why would she kill and dismember her partner in crime?_

"I've been hearing a lot about that show lately to be honest," Hugh mused, continuing to scan Victoria's file.

"Really?" Takara asked, her interest mildly perked.

"Yeah, some of the incoherent garbage KyAnna's been mumbling about sounds a lot like it. We keep asking her about the murders and she starts talking about anime. Typical fangirl."

"I suppose…" Takara mumbled, something racking at the back of her head. A bad feeling that seemed overly familiar to her.

Outside bells tolled, and a surge in the sounds of talking and shouting came from the carnival grounds.

"What's going on?" Hugh asked, looking out the window.

"Ema's throwing a carnival." Takara shook her head. "The bell is supposed to signal the start of the Art of Shipping panel."

"Is Kitty participating, or is the PPC still keeping her on a short leash."

"Yeah she…" Takara stammered, her eyes widened as she remembered what the uncomfortable sensation was. Everything, from Ema and Allen to KyAnna to Hugh just now…

"Takara?" Hugh asked, concern rising in his voice. "Are you okay?"

"I know who did it…" Takara mumbled, floating up and looking at the fairgrounds in fear.

"Did what?"

"I know who helped Lily Winterwood."

* * *

><p>Victoria stumbled out of the tent, Dex pawing at her arm clumsily. The fashion show was surprisingly well done. She suspected that Brigid had restrained some of Georgia's more outlandish tastes, and the models seemed to have a lot of fun.<p>

Her date was a completely different matter. Dex had spent more time talking to Princie and starting at the models than he had talking to her. She couldn't exactly blame him – the guy looked like he was seventeen and he was hanging around with a thirteen year old. Deep down she didn't even really care. Everyone would be gone in less than a week anyway.

Victoria winced at how morbid her thought process had become.

Victoria looked around for Julie. She had noticed her skulking around in the tent but didn't have the opportunity to go talk to her. _She looked like Mary Sues were about to go nuke the school or something._

_Or it's a Martin thing. Yeah, probably a Martin thing._

"Just wait for me to finish," Victoria overheard a girl nearby laugh. She was about to turn away when the responding voice send goosebumps down her spine.

Turning, she spotted the duo making their way towards the stage. The man seemed to sense Victoria's eyes on him, and turned to give her a huge smile.

No. No. It can't be.

"Dex?" She asked, tugging at her date. "Who's that?"

"Huh?" Dex turned around, nodding at the receding figures. "I thought you had classes with Kitty Smith at the start of the term?"

"I meant the man who was with him."

"Oh, that's her partner. Middleford I think."

"Victor Middleford?" Victoria asked, her anxiety rising.

Dex blinked. "Yeah. I thought you didn't know him?"

"I don't," Victoria clarified, bile rising in her mouth. _Not in the flesh anyway._

_But when you create a character, you know everything about them._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Noto-sama and Yamato are characters from Himaruya's earlier comics, best known for staring in the Noto-sama series of games. The last two Noto-sama games involved interaction with (and the stripping of) Hetalia characters. To learn more about them, visit the Kitayume Wiki at kitayume dot wikinet dot org._


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